Sunday, April 13, 2008

A Warning to Others, Part One


Recently I have come to realize that not only have I wasted my life so far, but that I have completely screwed up just about everything I've ever done. Like, maintain a relationship of any sort, for example. Or, spend my free time usefully instead of checking my email 650 times a day. Or staring at my cell phone, thinking about a time when it rang once, and someone wanted to talk to me. And how, shortly thereafter, I said or did something stupid, and then that person didn't want to talk to me any more. Repeat over a course of 25 years, and you have my life in a nutshell.

So I've decided that I should try to help other people not make the same mistakes that I have. So from here on out, or at least until I get bored with it, I am going to tell you about things I have done with my life in hopes that you will learn NOT TO DO THAT.

A warning about birthdays and friendships:

If all of your friends happen to forget your 16th birthday, for the love of god, don't sulk silently about it all day, vow to never speak to any of them again, and then a week later send a scathing letter to them about how much they suck as friends. They will not want to talk to you any more after that.

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