Tuesday, July 17, 2007

This is the archive of my old website. Posts are old, links might not work, and I can't guarantee its hilarity. Cookies for anyone who reads the whole thing.

1.24.06 freaky weather

I started to make a post about the weather but three sentences in I realized that it could possibly turn out to be even MORE boring than the previous post, and I became concerned that someone could potentially fall asleep from boredom by reading my webpage. And then that person may or may not tip forward (or backward) and fall headfirst into their computer monitor (or backward and land soundly upon the floor). That person could be greviously injured, or there could be substantial property damage. Say they broke said monitor, or, while cascading backward from their chair, they sent it into the air where it performed a double axel triple loop, hit the window, flew outside, down 14 floors, and falls onto someone's brand new Mercedes. Then the owner of that Mercedes, filled with rage could potentially purchase (or otherwise come into possession of) a firearm or other weapon and storm the building. Now my poor reader is lying unconscious on the floor while the murderous Mercedes driver is barreling through the building, blowing away anyone and everyone sitting near a window. Just as reader comes to, the crazy gun-toting lunatic stares down at him and just as he's about to pull the trigger, Al from IT tackles him from behind. During the scuffle, the gun goes off. Crazy lunatic is subdued, but Al from IT is critically wounded. Now Al from IT has a wife and 16 children who are dependent upon his salary. Now little Franklin, Jacob, Harrison, Jerome, David, Amanda, Towanda, Joey, Phoebe, Monica, Chandler, Rachel, Matthew, Ross, Gary, and Doug are without a father and their mother Susan is forced to enter into drug trafficking and prostitution in order to pay for Doug's prosthetic legs. All of the children are eventually taken from Susan by children's services, and Susan is left a broken, drug-addled shell of her former self.

And I just don't think I can have it on my conscience that something like that could happen because of my boring ass post.


1.22.06 snifflin' triffler

I have a cold. It will not die. I've had it for like 2 weeks now. Soon I'll probably get pneumonia or some other delicious medical malody. I can't wait. Anyway, I don't have anything interesting to say because I've had the most boring weekend on top of the most boring week ever on record, and this is well on its way to becoming the most boring post ever posted on all of the Internets.


1.12.06 Ashley: "Happy, dear?" Melanie: "So happy". And so were the days of our lives as re-enacted by the Gone with the Wind players.

And....scene. Just a quick update to let my several ones of fans know that I am excruciatingly happy for little or no good reason other than the fact that I get to spend all day everyday with charming little children and charming adults and I'm just giddy. The end.

P.S. My finger is almost all better.

posted 9:02pm

1.2.06 Odyssey of the Finger

This is for you Serge, who was terribly concerned about my injured finger. I present the green finger. Originally burned on 12/23/05 during a drunken attempt at making candy.

update: I took the pictures off because they were GROSS

Stay tuned for important updates regarding this and other noteworthy events in my life.

posted 7:55pm

12.31.05 First Annual Olde Tyme Year-Ende Revue 2005

It's that time again. I can't believe another year has already passed. Before I get smashed to ring in the new year, I thought we'd have a little recap of the year's best and worst. So here you go, the best and worst things that happened to me in 2005. Because I don't really care about world events.

Best of 2005:

* Dick Clark is back. No one but my generation could understand that it's not New Year's without Dick Clark.

* Preschool student teaching. The children in my room were all absolutely wonderful. I couldn't have asked for a better group of kids.

* Christmas. Awesome , as always.

* New ipod nano in its little orange case.

* The FPF for all the laughs.

* My drunken, fun-filled summer. Probably the best since the years of running through sprinklers and eating popsicles.

* That killer tan I had all summer.

* Pizza subs. The most delicious and easy to prepare food known to man. The staple of my diet for 2005. And beyond.

* The haircut that got me countless compliments. Apparently, I'm a babe.

* Bowling team!

* THE DIVISION (that's for you, Serge)

Worst of 2005:

* Burning my finger while drunkenly making hard tac candy. Not cool.

* Season 8 of Charmed pretty much blows. Too much retarded bimbo and not enough of the sisters. The show isn't about Billie. Please kill her off 10 episodes ago.

* Getting bronchitis during the most hectic quarter I've ever had.

* The Project Approach and how it nearly killed my will to live.

* Those times that I threw up in embarrassing places, like in a port a potty at someone's party, and in my mom's car. And in the cooler at the hotel. Here's to air-sickness bags in '06!

* Bowling tournaments this year were such a bust that we've not been invited back. Ouch. Whatever. Why don't you just go to bed at 8 p.m. and see if anyone notices that you're mad?

posted 4:38 pm

I hate SCTV. A lot.

You may be wondering, why do I hate SCTV? Because it's a stupid show? Because it's retro? Because it's...Canadian? Nay, I don't hate SCTV for any of those reasons. And I guess I should add a side note that I also hate TV Land, because they play SCTV for hours at a time. Specifically, between the hours of 2 and 4 am. Consequently, these episodes always seem to coincide with the rare event that I am actually trying to fall asleep between 2 and 4 am. Most of the time I am either already asleep by then, or I am not really trying to go to sleep then because I'm doing something else.

And anyway, so I hate SCTV because I can't hate anything else. I can't hate the person who goes into the basement, for reasons unknown, and puts the TV that is basically directly below my bedroom on SCTV and directs the volume on said TV to it's maxium possible volume. And watches SCTV at its maximum possible level between the hours of 2 and 4 am. And it's really very loud, and quite annoying. But there's nothing I can do about it. So I hate SCTV. And I wish they would take it off the air, or simply stop playing it between the hours of 9 p.m. and 9 a.m.

posted 3:08 am

12.28.05 Now this right here, this is not cool at all

Well I hope everyone had a happy holiday. I had a great one, overall. Since my last post, I decided to make another couple batches of candy for my cousin. I give him candy each year because I am too poor to buy actual presents and I would have absolutely no idea what to get him anyway, so a jar of candy it is. Anywoo, I also thought that it would be a great idea to make some more candy when I got home from the bowling alley, and we happened to go to Tumbleweed, where, on top of my 4 beers, I also had 2 margueritas. That's...kind of a lot of alcohol.

Lacking any judgement, I began my adventure. After mentally congratulating myself for stellar functionality while drunk, I whipped up a batch of orange candy and began to pour it on the cookie sheet. Whereupon, by some cosmic force of the universe, the towel I was using to hold the hot, hot glass measuring cup took on a life of its own. No longer did it sit idly by, protecting my hand from being burned by the hot glass handle, nay, it decided it was my turn for a change. And the towel threw itself forward, sacrificed itself in the name of revenge, and got all up in the candy's business. Meanwhile my reaction time is down a little bit, and I'm just now noticing that something is amiss with the towel. I frantically tried to juggle the towel, the spoon, the measuring cup, and corral the candy all in one swift motion. I managed to save the day from Candy Catastrophe. I did not break the glass measuring cup. I did not spill candy everywhere. I managed to get most of the candy onto the cookie sheet where it rightfully belonged. I also managed to pour a 1/2" long teardrop of molten lava onto my right ring finger. Of course at the time I laughed it off, being drunk and all. I even thought the rising blister wa kind of neat looking. Following the advice of my equally drunk mother, I popped that blister and reveled in the amount of stuff that came out of there.

Well, I tell you what. This damn finger hurts. It hurts real, real bad. And it's red and yellow and gross looking. I've been pouring peroxide, antiseptic wash, triple antibiotic ointment, anything I can get on it for days. I've gone through a whole box of bandaids. I've mastered the art of going to the bathroom and washing my hands without even getting that finger wet in order to avoid having to change the bandaid again. I fear some kind of heat-seeking disease is growing in there. I can almost pop a kernal of corn by sitting it on top of the affected area. Sometimes I hook my finger up to a drum machine and the natural throbbing within makes a catchy dance beat. I've taken pictures of this finger and posted them on the internets. And now I'm making a post about it. This finger has consumed my life.

And now I have had another paralyzing fear. This is a bowling finger we're talking about. It hurts like hell. It feels like someone has taken a bamboo shoot and rammed it right through my finger, and they dipped it in tobasco and then they yanked it back through the way it came in. It has taken over my life. All I can think about is my finger and how much it hurts, and how am I going to bowl like this? Am I going to rough it, drink heavily and wear a bandaid, only to surrender after two practice balls into a blubbering heap of festering pain? Will I have to bowl with my index and middle finger? How am I supposed to do that? I can't bowl left-handed. It is a mystery, a paradox, and life-shattering time for me, and I thought I would share all of this with you, so that you could feel like you were a part of my suffering.

posted 12:42am

12.22.05 Holiday Tips

If you ever have the need or desire to fill every square inch of your home with the smell of holiday cheer, and you need to do it rather quickly, AND you'd really like to be making some kind of candy or treat at the same time, I have a perfect plan for you. Gather these materials: 1 cup white sugar, 1/2 cup light corn syrup, 1 tsp. food flavoring oil, some food coloring, and some powdered sugar. Mix up the sugar and the syrup in a bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and microwave for about 3 minutes on high. When it's done, carefully remove from the microwave (you'll probably need a towel to protect your fingers), stir, put a new sheet of plastic wrap on the top, and cook for another 3 1/2 - 4 minutes. You will definitely need a towel to retrieve the bowl. The smell of holiday cheer comes in right now. Select yourself some cinnamon or peppermint flavoring and dole out a teaspoon of it. Don't stir it into the mix until it has stopped boiling, or your entire family's eyes will be watering with the smell of yuletide cheer, and you'll be coughing and sneezing and your eyes will be watering. But your whole house will smell good for a while afterwards! When you've safely mixed in the flavoring and food coloring, dump the goo onto a tray sprayed with cooking oil and allow to cool. Dump on some powdered sugar and you've got yourself a good smelling house and some tasty candies to serve.

Tonight I made some peppermint candies and I literally thought I was going to have to evacuate the premesis. Plumes of pure peppermint steam were rising from my wee bowl, my eyes were watering, I was sneezing all over myself, and people in the other room were yelling at me to turn the ceiling fan on for the love of god. So, just make sure whatever you do, that you don't stand directly over the bowl while you're stirring in the flavoring, and you might want some ventilation, and also make sure it's not boiling anymore or you may have some kind of nuclear explosion in your kitchen and I'm telling you, you will never EVER get that candy off your walls. You'll be painting over that shit in 2016 because it's like industrial strength adhesive.

Happy Holidays!

posted 11:18pm

12.21.05 public service announcement #617

I felt there were some important things that have recently transpired in my life that I should take note of myself, in order to prevent them happening again, as well as to share this information with my loyal readers. First thing, this:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Is the most disgusting ramen noodles I have ever had. Now, I love ramen noodles. I eat them all the time. Usually I get Top Ramen chicken. But the store was out. I said to myself "Self, ramen is ramen" and I bought some different flavors of Maruchan ramen. Big mistake. Huge. I would like to focus on the hot and spicy chicken flavor, if I may, because it is thus far the worst offender. The noodles themselves look ok, but once you open that little packet of seasoning and start stirring it in...the room is filled with a vile aroma. It doesn't smell like any natural food known to man. It certainly doesn't smell like something I want to be putting into my stomach. It smells like something you would pour into the tank of a diesel engine to clear out the debris in the bottom. Basically it smells like someone has taken a bunch of erasers, soaked them in diesel fuel, shredded them up, concentrated them into pure evil, and poured that concoction into a little silver packet with the words "Please tear along this line". They neglected to provide the warning "Do not use near open flame". Anyway, I added all of the seasoning packet to my festering brew, briefly wondering if this was something I could pour into a little bottle and use to turn someone into a salamander, and tasted just a tiny little bite. That bite was too small to fully register the taste, but I foolishly assumed all was well after all and took the noodles to the t.v. and took a bigger bite. A sufficient amount of concentrated evil managed to cling to the noodles and this time I could detect a definite taste of motor oil or vulcanized rubber in the mix. At this point I was too lazy for my own good and had about 5-6 more spoonfuls before I finally decided that I didn't want to risk spontaneous combustion as I needed to run the dryer later, and threw the rest away. I am frankly quite afraid of trying out the other flavors of ramen in my pantry. I have a feeling that the chili flavor may resemble paint thinner, and I'm not so sure that will be good for my digestive tract. The moral of the story is, Ramen is not ramen.

Also I would like to mention that the previous post was a joke, and any resemblance or relation to any events or persons living or dead, was entirely coincidental.

Also also Merry Christmas

posted 9:11pm

12.19.05 now hiring

Wanted: one male, aged 21-28, tall dark and handsome, and single, to woo me. I would like, before I die, to be romanced in some way. To this point in my life, I have not been wooed, even the slightest bit. Okay, maybe once or twice on a minor scale, but I need something more. It's not too difficult, I don't think. Here's my ideal dream date, so if you're reading this, Mr. Right, please take notes and I'm sure you'll be successful in wooing me. The date ideally would pick me up at my home and drop me off at the end. Hopefully you have your own car as well.

Step One: I think it would be wonderful to go to the theater. Not the movies, but to a real live play. Once again, it doesn't have to be a sold-out off-Broadway. Even a play at the Community theater would be fine. I so love the theater.

Step Two: I would like to go to a "nice" restaurant. It doesn't have to be the most expensive place in town, and I won't order the filet mignon, but it would be nice to actually get dressed up for dinner and have some wine or champagne with dinner. Maybe a few candles thrown in for ambiance. As of yet, the nicest restaurant I have ever been on a date to is Adornetto's. I usually rate right around the Pizza Hut/McDonald's date area, and that kinda blows.

Step Three: Assuming that you have successfully completed Steps One and Two, and have plied me with plenty of champagne, Step Three will proceed. If you have failed either Step One or Step Two, Step Three will involve me going inside, and you not. However, in the event of successful completion, we will go inside. There will be more champagne, Etta James, candles, and some chocolate. I think you know where I'm going with this.

If you're interested, please fill out an application and send it to this address. Good luck.

posted 1:53pm

12.15.05 omg lol no way

So I went today (hold on to your socks) to the Fieldhouse and worked out a little bit. I walked and jogged around the track for like an hour. It was boring for a while, but then it got much more interesting when a pack of guys from the police academy showed up and were running around the track. It sure was motivating enough to keep me going around and around, looking at their behinds as they sprinted past me. Ahh, yes, I will be going back there more in the future. There were also a couple cute baseball guys there too!

Then I came home and had some incredibly healthy and low fat foods in order to keep up with my healthy day, which included: diet vanilla coke, creamy chicken ramen noodles, pizzaria pretzel combos, a peanut butter and jelly on toast, and a bowl of ice cream with caramel topping. Yes, I am awesome in every way.

posted 10:52pm

12.14.05 my head hurts

Today I got up real early and went and observed at this fantastic school all day. I really, really liked it there. They had microphones and speakers in the ceiling and cameras and everything! I felt like I was in Back to the Future or something. And all of the teachers and staff were really, really nice. :D

My mom has been in this baking frenzy for about three days now. She's made about 5 different kinds of cookies, Chex Mix, caramel apples, and now she's making some kind of Jewish cookie rolls or something. Psychotic, that mom of mine. So anyway, I can barely keep my eyes open and it's hard to focus them and I have a headache, but none of this is prompting me to go to bed. Nay, I will remain awake and on the computer because I just love it so. Tomorrow I have to call my student teaching school and apologize for waiting so long to call, and try to get in to meet my cooperating teacher for student teaching next quarter. Huh. Procrastination should be my first name.

posted 12:29am


It's 4:27 a.m. and I'm eating a bag of Ruffles that I got for my birthday. Last night I had a dream that I was riding to work at a Preschool on a tricycle. I was in the middle of the road and suddenly a dog ran up to me. I said, "Get away dog" and looked up to see a tall man standing by as well. He said "come away dog, don't bother the lady", but the dog would not leave me alone. I tried to push the dog away, but he kept returning, trying to get onto my tricycle. Finally I tussled with the dog, and he was biting my hand. And then I woke up. I don't like dogs, as a result of several traumatic childhood incidents involving them. I can just barely tolerate a small dog, but anything else and I'm all like "please get this dog away from me right now". So it was weird having that dream.

It snowed today, and I made a snowman. I think I might have pulled a muscle in my leg. Who's the Boss is now on t.v. I think this television programme is extremely hilarious. I recently finished watching a documentary movie entitled "The Comedians of Comedy" and I had to stifle my laughter because it is very late, and everyone is asleep. I wish I had some Diet Coke to go with my Ruffles, but alas I have none here in my room, and I don't feel like walking out to the garage and getting a can. I imagine I will be quite parched when I get up after I finally go to bed. Well this has been fun.

posted 4:34am

12.6.05 update

As of right now I have officially heard "Photograph" 9,455 times, and "My Humps" by Black Eyed Peas 7,616 times.

posted 3:46am

i know all about similes, metaphors, hyperbole, personification, and idioms, and i'm not afraid to use that knowledge for evil

I just finished working on a presentation for my reading endorsement class about those things, and it was really pretty boring, but it needed done. I'm immensely proud of myself for getting it done two whole days before it's due, instead of coming home and trying to get it all done at 11pm tomorrow night. Wow, the radio is playing "Photograph" again. I have heard that song approximately 9,452 times and I must say that it just keeps getting more and more annoying. I liked it the first 5,014 times I heard it, but really after that it started to grate on my nerves. I never have figured out why radio stations only play 14 total songs. Obviously that opens you up for a lot of repetition. No wonder it's free.

So anyway, life has been generally as boring as usual. I went to see "Just Friends" on saturday and it was pretty funny. I laughed a little bit. During the previews there was a commerical for Final Destination 3 and I practically screamed "OH NO!" during the scene where the people were getting burned in the tanning beds! That was major scary!! I would seriously be sitting in the lap of whoever I went to see that with because I'd need someone to block the view so I didn't have nightmares for the rest of my life. I didn't think the first two were that scary but that one looks real bad.

Only four more days until my class is over. Hooray! And only 19 days till Christmas!

posted 12:06am

11.30.05 the one where I was so bored, i wanted to set things on fire, and i had a candle right there

I'm telling you, if you're looking for some reading material to help you fall asleep, you should consider an investment in Understanding Reading Problems: Assessment and Instruction by Jean Wallace Gillet, and others. If you're really looking to fall asleep fast, focus in on chapter 5. It's an entire 22 pages about standardized test scores. It's about percentiles and means and modes, validity, reliability, etc. It's more boring than if you were reading it in a read live statistics book, because at least in those books you can read about "If Johnny had 57 M&M's and 26 of them were green and 14 were blue and 8 were red, what's the chance he'll pull out a red one on the first try?" And you can think about Johnny and how cute he might be or about how much you like M&M's, or whatever. And you can actually compute something. This isn't like that. There's no Johnny, and there's certainly no M&M's, and I just want to die. I don't dare even look to see what chapter 6 is about, but I know it's going to be 54 pages of a snooze-fest.

  Anyway, I've discovered that 97% of Christmas music ever produced sucks really bad, 2 1/2% consists of horribly sappy "Oh howI love you don't you love me le'ts get married and sit by the fire and have babies and live happilyeverafter" love-crap music, and the other 1/2% is good quality music which I would like to listen to. All of which I already own, and it's all by either Dean Martin, Burl Ives, or Ray Charles.

I have two trees to put up this weekend, but by a true Christmas miracle, my grandma has decided to get a pre-lit tree, which will cut down on the time needed to put up her tree by at least 86%. She used to make me put, and I am not exaggerating, 15 strands of lights on her tree. 12 strands of regular lights, which had to be wound around each and every branch of the tree so as to be uniform, and then 3 strands of little iridescent ball lights spread thoughout for extra lighting effect. Honestly the living room was so bright you could read a book from across the room with the only light in the room being the tree. I do still have to put her 257,000 oranments on, but that hopefully won't be too bad.

posted 10:40pm

11.26.05 the one where I was bored

I've been working on ebay auctions all afternoon. I hate doing this, because I just know I'll spend all day and then not sell hardly anything. My mom manages to be able to make like 600 bucks on ebay all the time, but alas, I make about 2.50. Anyway, that's what I did today. Tomorrow will be more of the same. Monday I have to go get my muffler fixed on my piece of crap car, and then I'm going to class. Later in the week I plan on getting a haircut, and possibly doing some christmas shopping. My fantastic life!!

Good songs: "Bell, Book, and Candle" by Eddi Reader, "Live Again" by Ying Yang Twins feat. Adam Levine, "When I'm Gone" by Eminem, and "Heard 'Em Say" by Kanye West feat. Adam Levine. That Levine kid really gets around!

P.S. I did finally stop eating and today all I've had is two danish butter cookies and pizza. Granted, it was almost an entire pizza, and I'm hungry again right now, but...nevermind.

posted 10:12pm

11.25.05 I CAN'T STOP EATING!!

I haven't stopped eating since 2pm yesterday. I ate a massive plate of turkey, noodles, mashed potatoes, dressing, gravy, 2 rolls, a slice of pumpkin pie, and a cup of coffe yesterday at the big dinner. Less than 3 hours later I had more dressing. And then I had some more dressing and more noodles. And today I had another slice of pie. And some noodles and dressing. And noodles and dressing again. I should literally be made up of 76% noodles and dressing at this point. It's just getting ridiculous is what I'm trying to say. I fully expect to weigh 900 lbs. by the time I go back to school. On Monday.

posted 11:28pm

11.21.05 the day I forgot to add a title

I'm just sitting here, listening to my brand-spanking new iPod nano, chillin like a felon on the first of the month. I don't know what that means exactly, but it sounded cool in my head as I was typing it out. I just discovered that there's games and stuff on my beautiful new iPod as well, and I was amused. I'm waiting for my prety new cover, like this one:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

to come in the mail so I can really give my new iPod a spin. As it is, I'm kind of afraid to take it out of the house, because I am slightly clumsy, and my pretty new iPod would most likely die in a most horrible way.

Tomorrow is my last day at the preschool. I'm very sad and going to miss my students very much. We're going to have a big thanksgiving feast tomorrow and I made my pumpkin pudding. Hopefully it will be a taste sensation.

I've decided to start doing daily affirmations, a la Stewart Smalley, in order to give my self-esteem a boost and to stop myself down the path I am on, which is to crazy cat lady-ville. So here are my affirmations. Let' s all say them together, now, shall we?

1. I am clever and witty and interesting. I can have a conversation with anyone I desire to meet.

2. Life is too short to be wasted worrying! Carpe Diem!

3. People are enchanting and worth listening to.

4. I am full of courage. I am not afraid of the boogeyman in the telephone.

Hopefully if I say those enough times in my head, they'll be easier to do.

Anyway, Serge, there's your update. Hopefully it was interesting, although I'm sure it was because I am an interesting person.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

posted 9:16pm

11.16.05 she's a jolly one, a holly jolly good one

I'm baking cupcakes! Cupcakes for my darling children, because I like them and because....tomorrow is mah birthday! I can't believe I am 23 years old! Ugh, get me a cane already. I fell off the garage steps like two weeks ago and my toes still hurt. I think there's a chance I may have broken one or at least stoved/sprained it. Kinda sucks. Anyway, back to these cupcakes. They're going to look like little turkies. Oh, and here's an exciting recipe I made today that is fantastic for preschool-age kids, they loved it and they helped to make it which made them like it even more!

Pumpkin Pie Pudding

1 box vanilla instant pudding

2 cups milk

2 Tbs. pumpkin pie filling

~1 Tsp. pumpkin pie spice

Mix all the ingredients for about 2 minutes, and eat! The children really got a kick out of making it themselves, and the teachers liked it so much they want me to make it for our Thanksgiving feast!

Anyway, happy birthday to me tomorrow!!!11

posted 5:55pm

11.4.05 won't you think of the children?

As of 11/4/05 I am officially enacting an $8 an hour fee to entertain your children. I have spent enough time being free entertainment and I think it's time to start cashing in on this market. I guarantee: If your child is age 3-5, they will love me within two visits, any child age 6-8 will love me within 5 visits, and any child between the ages of 8-10 will love me or I will put them into a head lock until they relent and love me. Case in point: each and every child (out of 11) in my preschool completely love me. And there's one little girl who I have only seen about 4 times in her whole life, and she acts like we are long lost best pals. And there's a girl who I taught her reading group one time, and she loves me too. The children, they love me so. It is sometimes physically demanding on my part when I have to run and chase your child, and allow him or her to chase me, as well as having your child crawl all over me, climb on me, cling to me, hug me, and jump on me. I am delighted to do so but I think monetary rewards would do nothing but enable me to buy fun things to play with your child with. Consider a donation, sent to wickychalky at columbus.rr.com if you would like me to entertain your children. I am available for parties.

posted 9:50pm

10.30.05 public service annoucement #182

As is my custom, I am here to inform you that it is once again Daylight Savings time, so you'll all need to remember to turn your clocks back one hour tonight at 2am or some other random bullshit time, just as long as you aren't an hour early for work on Monday you should be golden. I typed "turn your cocks back one hour" the first time. That's a Freudian slip right there. Yes indeed.

So anyway, I've been working on my takeover lessons for next week and the week after, and I've been trying to glue some damn old cans shut but I can't seem to find any glue that will do the job. I've tried three different kinds and all I get is a big smelly mess. I was totally high from the fumes for a while there. I hope I don't get brain damaange from it because I need oy brain to teach gud them childrens.

posted 12:15am

10.16.05 snack food association

Today I spent the whole day lounging around the house and planning lessons for the next two weeks. I'm immensely proud of myself for getting this done so far ahead. Now I'm basically ready to start planning for my takeover. The great thing is, I basically don't have to change anything I'm doing because I'm teaching everything now as it is! So that's comcastic!

There was a lot of good football on this weekend! The OSU vs. Michigan State game was a lucky win. Methinks Jim Tressel needs to 1. Get meaner, and 2. Have some kind of "don't drop the fucking football" clinic, as we have this new fantastic habit of dropping the ball, or getting an interception, or a fumble, or drop a pass, etc. when we're on the goal line, or in the 4th quarter, or even right after a fantastic first down play. Something about getting within 5 yards of the endzone also seems to have this effect on the players. So yeah, work on that. I also feel dirty for rooting for Michigan against Penn State, but anything that helps OSU is a necessary evil. That was a good game though. Scored a TD with :01 on the clock. I am a little (ok, a lot) concerned with how well Michigan was playing in that game. If they play like that against us in November we're going to be toasted cheese on a cracker stuck to the bottom of some homeless person's shoe in the subway of NYC. It could get ugly, like 47-3 or something. Let us all begin our prayer circles now that OSU will pull a victory out of their ass. And, be with the starving pigmys in New Guinea. Amen.

posted 9:20 pm

10.10.05 changing like the wind

I changed the colors and graphics again. I gave myself until 11:00 to get it done and then go to bed, so I don't think it's terrible for less than an hour's work. couldn't get into that lime green stuff at the sides, although I did like that elephant. I decided instead to use one of my own pictures like I did with the orange and yellow theme of the summer. Makes it seem more personal plus it's not obnoxious like lime green is. Anyway, I'm gearing up for another exciting week at the preschool! Woo!!

posted 10:57 pm

don't pay the ferryman

Changed the colors and the graphics today. I'm not 100% that I like it so it might not last too long. We'll see how much free time I have lying around.

posted1:54 pm

10.3.05 unpaid plugs corner

Here are some things that I heartily endorse and recommend that you purchase for your living pleasure. None of these are paid endorsements, although I am not above whoring myself out, so if any of these companies (or citizens like yourself) would like to send me either samples of their products or a paid contract, I would humbly accept it.

So, the First Annual, "UNpaid List of Brand-name Things that You Should Buy or You will Live a Long and Lonely Life 2005"

1. Mountain Dew / Mountain Dew Live Wire

2. Diet Coke / Diet Coke with Lime / Diet Coke with Vanilla

3. Smirnoff Twisted Mandarin Orange

4. Ruffles Original chips / Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream chips

5. Doritos regular chips

6. Chloraseptic Sore Throat Relief Strips in Soothing Citrus

7. Post-it Notes

8. Kodak EasyShare digital camera CX7525 with printer dock

9. Arabian Coffee plant from Wal*Mart

10. Charms Blowpops

11. Bob's Sweet Stripes soft mint candy

12. The television program of your choice on DVD. I recommend Charmed: the Complete Season One, or the Complete Season Two

All of those items are personally guaranteed by me to bring a wholesome amount of pleasure to your life while you are consuming, using, or viewing these products. Have a pleasant today, and a better tomorrow.


10.2.05 boogie oogie oogie

I just walked 2.5 miles and I walked 2 miles yesterday. I'm getting in shape because on friday I noticed that my resting heart rate was 84...which is not so hot. I'm not surprised, but that's probably not the best thing for my heart. So my mom's kinda making me exercise so I don't die of a heart attack at age 22. I realized I'm only a month away from 23 the other day. I feel very old. Some of the kids I'm teaching were born in the year I graduated high school. I have shoes and items of clothing that are older than they are. It's weird. Anyway, I'm going to have a hamburger and some chips to negate that exercise I just did, and then I'm going to watch Charmed and Desperate Housewives. And then I'll either do some lesson plans, or I'll probably go to bed. I lead such an exciting life I can just barely stand it.

Oh, I forgot to mention the marginally exciting things I saw while driving today. I saw someone's house burned down and still smoking, I saw someone's van broken down right in the middle of the busiest street in the city, and I saw about 50 (oh, I guess it was 200, according to today's paper - 10.3) anti-abortion activists protesting on the busiest street in the city. I'd just like to know what they think they're accomplishing by standing around in the hot sun with "abortion kills children" signs? I mean, honestly that kind of behavior just makes me want to run out and get an abortion, not the other way around. Do they think "Hey, I bet someone who really thinks abortion is ok will totally be enlightened and think that abortion is terrible if they see us standing out on the sidewalk with a sign! We've got to get busy!"? Because seriously, I don't think anyone is that impressionable, except maybe a 2 year old, and they can't read. Why don't you just quit worrying about what everyone else is doing, and pay more attention to your own life and your own family. Abortion is a tricky subject, of course sometimes it is a necessary evil, and if someone needs an abortion for whatever reason, they should be able to decide that for themselves. No one should be forced to carry a baby for 9 months and go through all the pain and changes to their body if they were raped. You'll never justify to me why a woman should have to go through with that. And if you're on welfare and you were too uneducated or too stupid to use a codom, and you know you can't take care of that baby, you should be able to make that choice for yourself. Now I'm not saying that abortion should be a woman's only form of birth control, and I don't think partial birth abortions are O.K., (because you should have made up your mind long before that), but in most instances, women don't just up and say "yeah I think I'll go get pregnant today and then get an abortion, you know, just to stick it to those religious freaks". It's a heart wrenching and well thought-out decision and they should have the right to make it on their own without uncle sam or jesus or anyone else telling them what to do.

posted 5:01pm

9.20.05 with glistening eyes i see the sun

I am sad today. I woke up this morning before my alarm and couldn't sleep because of an awful dream. I have a lot of weird and crazy dreams that seem so real it takes me a while to clear my head and remember that it was just a dream. This morning I had a weird and crazy and very sad dream. I don't remember all the specifics, just that my mom ended up dying in it and I was just heartbroken when I woke up. I had to get out of bed and just go out into the living room and hug her. I literally had to fight back tears and reassure myself "It was only a dream...it was only a dream".

Aside from that shaking way to greet the morning, I logged onto Fark.com this morning and saw that one of our more beloved members, Auspicious, had died yesterday afternoon. And again I fought back tears as I read dozens of heartlfelt tributes to her. She emailed me once, defending someone, and I admit I'm more than a little sorry that I never emailed her back because I think she would have been a wonderful friend. She said she liked one of my photos. She loved her cats as much as I love mine, so this picture is for her. Sweet blessings, Amy.

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posted 7:01pm

9.17.05 wake me up when september ends

It's starting to feel like fall around here. I think when I finish my post for today I will go try to dig up some decorations relating to fall. I've decided this is a "Holiday Blowout Bonaza" year, meaning that each and every holiday from now until at least New Year's is going to be ridiculously celebrated to the point of gaudiness. About every other year is like this. Plus this will be my last year in college (effing finally!) so want to make the most of my giant Christmas break.

I bowled pretty well last night. I had a 131, 135, 154 for a 420 series. Which was pretty awesome, for me anyway. I didn't drink so I was capable of concentrating on the lane and everything. But that won't last long. It's going to be a long week with the kids starting school on wednesday. 11 screaming, running, laughing, story-telling, climbing, jumping preschoolers are going to be a treat, I can see it now. I will need a major drink by friday night.

And it's been a while since I added some new pictures, so I just went outside and took some. Well, I took 52 actually, but here are the 5 best from those 52.

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posted 1:43pm

9.11.05 I HATE YOU

Some of you may have noticed my mortal enemy of the week on the side of the page. Well tonight I present to you a Mortal Enemy of Football Season: Brent Musburger. I hate hate HATE HATE HATE HATE Brent Musburger. I hate him. He annouces for all of the Ohio State games, and all you hear out of him, and I mean every single word is "Oh wow, isn't the other team just playing fantastic tonight" or "Well they're down by 46 points but the other team only needs 6 touchdowns and a field goal to beat Ohio State". I am so sick of him ALWAYS rooting for the other team. If Ohio State scores, he says "ho hum" if the other team scores, he yells into the microphone "WHAT A GREAT PLAY!!!!1". I hate Brent Musburger so very, very badly. Tonight's game against Texas was a heart breaker for us, and he was like "What a great and wonderful and well deserved win for the longhorns". FUCK THE LONGHORNS! We were winning and effing Zwick dropped the football. Plus I think he might possibly be gay because everytime he was listening to that other announcer talk and they were on the screen, he was totally looking at his lips like he wanted to full-on make out with him, right there on national television. Brent Musburger is the most infuriating and irritating announcer that has ever been on television, and I am including Dennis Miller.

For Brent Musburger, may you get an incurable disease on your voice box which prohibits you from ever talking again:

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For Justin Zwick, you really should have kept better care of that god damn football:

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posted 12:29am

9.10.05 I see the moon, I see the light, I see the spider, I see the night.

I went bowling last night and had a 165, 119, 120 or something like that. It was good times. Last week school started and I've been busy helping set up my preschool classroom for student teaching. Welp, yeah. I don't have anything else to talk about so ciao!

posted 7:36pm

9.04.05 public service announcement for internet n00bs, #5657

In case you didn't know, if you do an internet search for a certain tv show on google, some links pop up on the side. Those are paid links, and they say things like "Missed an episode of "X tvshow"? Join now and download episodes of "X tvshow". And so you think to yourself, "Why yes, self, we did miss last night's episode of "X tvshow" or, "Hey! The network skipped an episode of "X tvshow" and I would really like to know howcome that guy died! I'm gonna check this out!" So you go to the site, and they want you to pay them some money and download something, and then you can get right down to unlimited downloading of "X tvshow". Sounds awesome, doesn't it? Well, the seedy truth is, if you paid them, you just scammed, basically. The only thing you get whem you pay them is a P2P client, and an open network. Which....you could have gotten for free from a lot of places. They don't have stockpiles of "X tvshow" on their website, just waiting for you to download, you will only be able to download episodes of "X tvshow" if someone else has them and is willing to share. It's fine if you like really popular to P2P shows like MST3K, but if you're looking for the March 14 episode of "The Division", you're SOL (and I don't mean Satellite of Love, either). Also, if you download the basic components and actually find something you would like to download, you get prompted twice to upgrade to a pro version of the thing you just paid for, which will supposedly make the downloads much faster. So you're waiting days on a cable modem for your crappy quality "A tvshow" (because they don't have "X tvshow"). At which point you realize you're out your 20 bucks, and you should have just downloaded Kaaza or Bearshare, which are free and just as likely to have "X tvshow" as the thing you just paid for. Tvshow.org, moviemembersarea.com, and Download.TV.org are taking your money and you're going to be dissapointed. Just so you know.

posted 7:56pm

9.01.05 and the sun shall shine

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I wanted to post some well wishes to all the people who have been affected by Hurricane Katrina. I deeply hope that our country's government can get their heads out of their asses long enough to send some help down to the people stranded in New Orleans and the surrounding areas. I also hope we learn from this, and New Orleans will be located a little higher up when it is rebuilt and refurbished. Some of the things I'm seeing on the t.v. are terrible, and I can't even imagine the kind of horrible experience this is for those people down there. I encourage anyone who can to donate money to one of the organizations set up to help the victims, like the Red Cross or FEMA. If you can't spare any money, send thoughts and prayers their way for a safe night and a hopeful future.

posted 10:23pm

8.29.05 pictures, pt. 3

I'm still pulling pictures from my archives, but I can see if I'm going to keep this up I'm going to have to start taking a lot more! Thanks everyone for all of the compliments I've been getting about my pictures!

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Apparently my room is frequented by the Virgin Mary herself. I bet I can sell this picture for millions! Lucky me that she appeared just as I was taking a picture of my teddy bear!

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This is just a lonely little picture of a teddy bear I've had since I was 11.

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One of my award-winning pictures at the fair this year of some Oxeye Daisies from across the street.

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The update wouldn't be complete without at least two pictures of this rotton little guy. Like I said, he's ALWAYS there.

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This little guy comes out and hops around my driveway every night. I think he might live in the drain by the garage.

posted 11:58pm

8.26.05 late-night with katie o'katie!

I have come to the conclusion that the only people who regularly watch television after 3 am are poor, old people. All the commercials are for invicare hoverround mobility chairs, life insurance, medical conditions, and medic-alert buttons. I also notice that the only people who have those hoverchairs are really fat old people, who probably don't need another excuse to sit on their asses all day. I've often thought it would be a hilarious ending to that commerical if those two old women at the Grand Canyon went all Thelma and Louise and just went "heeeyyaaaaaaa" and drove off the cliff. I suppose that wouldn't sell many chairs. Or maybe it would.

posted 4:35am

photos, pt. 2

Since I got so many compliments about my pictures yesterday, I thought I would add some more for tonight.

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A sunset over a field. I took about 10 shots of the sky this night, each one getting progressively redder and more colorful.

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I love this picture of him because it kinds shows how ornery he is. He's always poking his head around and trying to figure out what I'm doing when I'm outside.

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And of course his favorite thing to do is attack the damn camera cord.

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Fresh cherries from a bush in the side yard.

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The evening sky through the leaves in the front yard.

posted 1:36am

8.24.05 photo journey

I like to dabble in photography. I was lucky enough to get a Kodak EasyShare 5 megapixel digital camera with printer dock for christmas, and since December I have taken over 1,000 pictures, which certainly seems like more than I have taken in my life. I'm one of those people who takes the film in to get it developed and it has about three years of pictures on it, and they're all from Christmas or someone's birthday. Unfortunately for everyone in my entire family, I now look at any gathering of more than two people as fair game for taking random and numerous pictures. And no one has been more prominently displayed in my digital photo albums than my kitty, probably because any time I walk outside he is right on my heels, and every time I bend down to get a shot of something, he's bumping into my arms or biting my feet, so I take pictures of him to keep from killing him. He's quite photogenic, so that's lucky too. Anyway, I thought I would share some pictures I've taken in the past year. And I'll add amusing commentary, because if there's anythign I like as much as photography, it's comedy! My only regret is that it isn't December, and I could turn this into some kind of ultra-sappy end of the year memory lane trip. Oh well.

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I told you he was a biter. I told him about that story of the puppy eating the baby's foot and he thought that was a pretty good idea himself. Too bad that foot wasn't as juicy and tender as a baby's, and it had been soaked in foot sweat all day. Otherwise I'm sure it was delish. Kitty likes to just randomly attack and bite me. I'll be walking along, or petting him, and all of a sudden he'll just be like NO FUCK YOU and bites me. And then he goes right back to making this really annoying whining meow like "why won't anyone love me? Just because I chew on your appendages with my three sharp teeth? (he broke one of his long ones off).

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Are you there God, it's me, Katie. I was just wondering how you were doing today and everything, whether or not you're going to have any more puppies eat babies or are you maybe going to branch out into other things like....killer bunnies, or when goldfish attack, or maybe onions that make you cry in agony as they embed themselves in your ocular cavities and force you to cry all the live long day.

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What's that God? I've made you angry by insinuating that somehow the puppy eating the baby's foot wasn't shocking enough? What do I think this is, Deity Fear Factor? Oh well. We needed the rain anyway.

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I give you a flower. Make you happy again?

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This picture was actually taken when it was pitch black outside, but I guess there was still enough sunset to show through. It's part of my experimenting with exposure times, this one was 4 seconds, the longest my camera will take.

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Hilariously, this very same ferris wheel, three days after this picture was taken, broke, and two people had to be rescued with the fire department ladder. They were all the way up at the tippie top and their bucket broke on the side and tilted way over. I bet it was scary as hell. Everyone on the ground thought it was rather amusing. Sadly, unlike the dramatic tv-version of life, the bucket didn't come crashing to the ground seconds after everyone was rescued, nor did the bucket cause a spectacular explosion when it reached the ground. We watched until the people got out of the bucket and started going down the ladder and then got bored and wandered away.

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This was taken by my friend Kelly at the bowling banquet last year. I was drunk. This is also the last known picture of me wearing my large gold hoop earrings as I lost one on that very night. We were hanging out at the K of C with our catholic non-friends that night because they had cheap beer. The glory of cheap beer however was not quite enough to cleanse us of the feeling of being beer tramps because we hated those people who were there, and had there not been cheap beer, we would have blown that popstand like it was 1999.

Well I hope you have enjoyed my pictures. I have enjoyed taking them, and tormenting all my friends and loved ones!

posted 10:42pm

8. 23.05 moveable...hard!

I really want to figure out how to make comments available so people can respond to my posts, and I tried downloading moveable type which apparenly will do that, but then it started talking about perl and clients and php and I was all confused. I don't think I will be able to figure it out. And from what I have seen from livejournal and blogger, I won't be able to figure out how to make those sites have the same format as this one, so I guess I will just be stuck with the comment box on the side. Unless someone out there has some ideas as to how I can get comments to show up after every post?

Ha, ha. The episode of The Fresh Prince where Will burns up the whole kitchen trying to flambe some bananas is on. I realize it is for the sake of comedy, but how incredibly stupid do you have to be to 1. pour a massive amount of alcohol onto a pan on the stove, 2. toss a match into it 3. flail around with a kitchen towel trying to "put out" the fire 4. sucessfully dflame, and then 5. toss the towl back on top of the stove causing a second eruption of flames. Now I'm sorry, but if you're that stupid, you probably don't deserve to be living in a mansion in Beverly Hills, you deserve to live under a bridge because I don't know how you would even begin to remember to pay your bills on time let alone know better than to put aluminum foil and light bulbs in the microwave.

Speaking of stupid shows on Nickelodeon, this Hi-Jinks show? Lame. Lamer than all other tv-prank shows, lamer than Candid Camera and Punked and Scare Tactics and all the other ill-advised, mean spirited prank shows. Anyone who needs help to trick a child is an idiot and deserves to be slapped with something wet and slimy. Honestly now, who can't think up something on their own to trick a little kid, but no, you need Susan Sarandon and Merideth Veira to help you? You can, say, figure out how to put a tape recorder in the kid's teddy bear on your own, or just tell them you're having liver and broccoli for dinner? That will trick them. Kids are gullible they will fall for anything. Wear your hat on your ass and tell them it's the newest fad and there all up in it with you. They'll be velcroing that Mets cap to their pampers for the next three months. HAHA you tricked them! And you had the decency not to do it to them on national television.

posted 12:46am

8.22.05 special guest columnist:

Katie: If you're going to woo me you need to pay a little more attention than this.

dearest katie,

I told you, I love you, just not in love with you. And I cant pay attention, because the only thing on mind, as most guys, is Sex. Can you blame me though? :'(

~Serge posted 11:31pm (Central Biotch!)

free advice

Serge: Katie I love you, what should I do? Help me!

I already said what you could do. Start buying me expensive things from my amazon wishlist, leave me notes, craft likenesses of me from readily available materials, etc. If you're going to woo me you need to pay a little more attention than this.

posted 12:16am

Serge: She thought it was me :(... It should have been me I guess? .... What?

Dear serge,

It seems you have wandered onto my site. I suggest you try out some other sites that are more on-par with your apparent mental ability. Such as, This or This, or even This.


posted 12:00 am

8.17.05 secret: That's not the advice I was looking for.

Dear secret,

If you are really intent on wooing your internet strumpet, find out whether or not she/he has an amazon wishlist. There is no faster way to make someone love you than through copius and expensive gifts. I also might suggest that you write her/him extensive lines of poetry and email your sonnets to her/him several times a day, as well as any cute e-cards you might come across. Nothing says I love you like random, thoughtful e-cards! Finally, and this is a last resort, look up the person's home address and phone number on whitepages.com, and leave them hand-made notecards on their windshield or stuck in their front door. You could also leave gifts on their front porch, or if you're really ambitious, on their bed. Just be sure to lock up when you're done, you don't want anyone stealing that life-sized model you made of your love out of butter, your own hair, small dead animals, and exlax tablets! Good luck!


posted 11:50pm

secret: I am sort of in love with someone I know only from the internet. What should I do?

Dear sergeer, I mean secret,

I know you love me, that's ok. What's not to love. The conversations we have shared are a thing of beauty. And we're a perfect match, what with your powerful arms and my strong wrists, it's like we were made for each other, up in Heaven. It's too bad that we're both going to hell for what we do with those appendages, but at least we will be together then. Hold strong, dear love, for one day when you or I or both of us is brutally mauled to death by someone's hungry puppy, we will bask in each other's love down in the depths of satan's lair.


posted 11:30pm

miserable: Katie, I'm so disheartened right now. What is our world coming to? I just clicked on a link to a story about a woman whose dog chewed off her baby's foot. Where is God? I want to die.

Dear miserable,

Sometimes bad things happen to good people. For instance, sometimes good people stub their toe on the coffee table. Sometimes good people run out of gas on the interstate. Sometimes good people drop a dozen eggs onto the hood of your freshly painted car. And yes, sometimes good people let their puppies chew off their baby's foot. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for it. Perhaps the woman simply forgot to buy some Purina Puppy Chow and the puppy, seeing the tender and juicy baby's foot, couldn't help himself. He saw it just lying there and he knew he had to have it. If only the baby had been bathed in a blend of herbs and spices before nap time, it would have been the perfect snack. The likely scenario is that the dog was possessed by the evil satan and this was a test of the family's faith. I would expect to see the mother appear regularly in church just as soon as she gets out of jail. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and sometimes one of those ways just has to involve a dog chewing off an infant's foot. You know, for shock value. Don't worry, God was there, chuckling all along. He hasn't abandoned you, and you can remember that the next time you get injured or horribly maimed.



posted 11:17pm

my boring life

I found this picture of me and my kitty today.

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The weekend is always so boring anymore. I mean, since I broke up with my boyfriend, who was usually good for coming up with something interesting to do on a saturday night. So this saturday night I went to the fair and picked up my entries and my big ol' $14.50 in prize money, and got some french fries while I was there. Which caused me to get greasy fingerprints all over everything I touched. Well I don't have anything else to talk about. I will try to procure an interesting topic or perhaps an advice corner if I can find anyone to ask me questions. Serious inquires only, please.

posted 10:54 pm

8.17.05 blue ribbon

Here's a picture of my pictures that won the blue ribbon:

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And a picture of my Tiki birdhouse which didn't win anything but I still think it's cool:

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And my crappy second-place winning cake:

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That is all.

posted 11:57 pm

old speckled hen

Boring day. I haven't done anything but sit in front of the computer, alternating between the FPF, gmail, and random surfing of bookmarks. I'm too lazy to get up and make myself something to eat, and I'm not allowed to leave the house because I'm "babysitting", so I just ate about half a can of Lay's Stax pizza chips and drank a diet coke. Yesterday I went to Wal-Mart and bought a new hand-held CD player so I don't have to listen to the radio anymore in my car. I was going to get satellite radio but I realized that for the price of one year of the radio, I could just go buy the 12 CD changer from HH Gregg, so I didn't. The cd player I bought actually sounds a lot nicer, with better bass, than the changer I used to have in the car so I'm content. I spent all evening yesterday trying to see just how many songs I could put onto one CD to listen to in the car. I ended up putting everything I had onto one CD and that was 87 songs. I guess the next step is to rip some songs off the CD's I have lying around the house. I did get 5 free downloads from sony, so that was pretty awesome.

I've got nothing interesting to talk about, as usual. I could give you all an update on the drama, even though I am trying to wean myself away from it. On sunday I finally got around to deleting my ex's phone numbers off of my cellphone. Thirty seconds later I checked my email and there was an email from him saying that he had been checking his phone machine and his email every day for a week, hoping I would have left him a message. He just won't give up. So I wrote him back some more about how he just isn't what I was looking for, and he wrote back saying that he thought maybe we had a future, and I wrote him back and said I was going to be too busy for a boyfriend anyway. He didn't write back again after that, so now we'll see. His longest record is 29 days between emails so I guess I'm not off the hook until September 3rd. I just don't know what I want right now. I really liked the idea of having a boyfriend. Always having plans for the weekend, having someone to talk to on the phone, sitting close together on the couch, and of course someone to break my years-long dry spell. This last boyfriend was mostly a summer fling for me anyway, I went into it knowing that it would never go anywhere, and I had assumed that he thought the same way. Apparently I was wrong, judging by his reaction. So I am going "on a break" again - at least until some cute guy comes along.

I start school in 27 days. I'm starting to get nervous. I'm going to teaching a bunch of preschool kids every day for 11 weeks. How on earth am I going to fill up all that time? I got a few books from the library last night to get ideas but as always I'm nervous that I'm going to screw something up.

On friday night I'm going to a concert at the fair with my friend and her husband. It's Tracy Lawrence and Billy Currington. That will be pretty fun. I think I'm going to the fair again tonight. I have to go admire my ribbons and get some ideas about what to put in next year. The nice thing about being a teacher is that I'll always have summers off. The not so great things is that it's looking like a really tight job market right now. A lot of teachers are getting laid off, and new graduates are having a hard time getting placed. That's something to worry about. My mom has jokingly (I think) said that if I can't find a job within a few years that she and my dad would take out a loan and help me start a daycare center. I hope it doesn't come down to that, I hate to be this constant black hole for money for them. I've lived here for almost 23 years and only had a job 2 years of all those. They're paying for everything, and I'm not really contributing anything back. Makes me feel like a giant slug, in any case. But then again I'm not really doing anything to change that. I thought about it but mom said it wasn't necessary to do so. Oh well. I'll just keep my fingers crossed that some day I will be able to move out and be a self-sufficent adult.

posted 3:23 pm

8.15.05 Blue ribbon goodness

Today I went to the fair and I saw that I won a 1st place ribbon for my photography display of flowers, and a 2nd place ribbon for my decorated anniversary cake. My mom won three blue ribbons for a crocheted poncho, a tote bag, and a wrapped package. So we were pretty excited. I was a little dissapointed I didn't win anything for my bird house since I slaved over it for like hours, but that's the way it goes I guess. It was a nice day to go to the fair today, not too hot. There were a lot of interesting/scary/slutty/skanky people out at the fair today, and I got ran into about 5 times and nearly got whacked in the face by someone's unbrella. Apparently the people at the fair don't use politeness as a requirement for admittance. Go figure.

A lot of people think that having an online page like this where I talk about my self and my life is self-righteous. I would like to slap whoever it is that gets all worked up over someone having a blog. Honestly, you don't have anything else to get mad about so you get all butt hurt about someone talking about themselves on the Internet? I hate to break it to you, but everyone talks about themselves and everyone enjoys talking about themselves, and they get all warm and fuzzy when they think someone else is interested in hearing what they have to say about themselves. I actually enjoy reading some people's blogs. I check a couple different blogs almost daily because I enjoy reading them or I am curious as to what that person has been up to lately. This whole paragraph was basically a way for me to talk about self-righteoousness, especially in relation to the band Montgomery Gentry.

First I present you with a picture of the two members of Montgomery Gentry for future reference. See how terribly, horribly seriously they take themselves. This is typical of them.

Now first of all, if you haven't seen the video for "You Do Your Thing" you will not fully understand the following paragraph, but I assure you that you will grasp that Montgomery Gentry is entirely too full of itself. We begin the video with the younger guy in Montgomery Gentry, or Goatee, driving his SUV with two little boys in the back seat with their little hunting gear on. And you see that there is a huge deer carcass tied to the hood of the SUV. Now, who ties the deer to the hood anyway? Like anyone wants to be driving home looking over the dead deer on the hood of the car the whole way home. And they drive by some high toned and fancy restaurant with what is clearly a set of people who are oh-so-wealthy and snotty and high faluting trying to enjoy an expensive meal at some snobby outdoor cafe. And those people are -surprise! put off of their lunch when they see (and undoubtedly smell) the huge deer carcass strapped to the hood of the SUV. I'm sure this was supposed to be some kind of jab at rich people and how stuck up they are and how "real" Montgomery Gentry is with the little people and how all the redneck deer hunters have to stick together and whatnot, but honestly, I don't think you have to be an Ivy-League educated aristocrat to be a little put off your filet mignon when you have a dead animal paraded under your nose. So that point was idiotic. The next thing you see, Goatee is continuing his way to Paul's Meat Market to get his deer weighed, when he spots a drug dealer on the sidewalk, preparing to make a sale with one of the local fat pimply teenagers. Who probably really needed that mary jane to keep from killing himself over how fat and ugly he was and how he would never, ever get to see any live girl boobies. Anyway he ran away when Goatee saw him. So Goatee puts his SUV in park, grabs his baseball bat, and storms over to Mr. Drug Dealer and proceeds to eye him menacingly and throws him up against a fence. Which is phenomenally stupid for many reasons, least of all, any drug dealer worth his crack is going to have a gun, and if you come storming at him with a bat, chances are you're going to end up with a nice sized hole somewhere in your body. So Goatee scares the drug dealer onto some other street corner and returns to his car where both of the little boys are staring at him, wide eyed with fear. Perhaps it was supposed to be wide-eyed with pride, but all I could think of was, "Wouldn't it have been nice if that dealer capped your ass right in front of your two little kids and they got to sit there, strapped into their carseats, while you bled to death on the sidewalk?". The rest of the video involves some more poking fun at rich people in limos. And at the very end, older man in Montgomery Gentry, or Black Leather Wearing Jesus Lover, stands with his back to the camera where we are all afforded a lovely sunset and the huge white cross on the back of his jacket. How tacky. Now this whole video was supposed to be "You do your thing and I'll do mine" but the real message is "I am a self-rigteous asshole who likes to make mean faces at the camera while I am shrieking on about pretentious rich people (which newsflash - that's exactly what Montgomery Gentry is - rich) and twirling my microphone stand around. Black Leather Wearing Jesus Lover can't even play an instrument, he just swirls his mic stand and tries to dance, but he looks like a significantly less cool Ozzy while doing it, and he makes mean faces into the camera when he isn't showing everyone his white cross jacket that he picked up at the last county fair. Montgomery Gentry, you take yourselves entirely too seriously. Do you watch your videos and think about how boss and cool you are and how tough you look in them? I bet Goatee and Black Leather Wearing Jesus Lover totally high five or punch each other or something else "tough" when they think about how awesome they are.

posted 7:40 pm

8.09.05 Without one there would not be another

Today is my mom's birthday. I bought her a jar opener and the DVD of Troy. Today I went to the mall with my friend and we had a lot of fun. Some guy keeps messaging me and critiquing my website, so I hope you like the additional happy and the new rants. Now drama free for over one day.

posted 11:47 pm

8.08.05 Mommas don't let your babies grow up to be weirdos

Here is an AIM conversation I just had with some random weirdo.

[23:07] gahgahgoogoo69: holow do yuo want's to ciber

[23:08] charmed1782: oh yeah baby

[23:08] charmed1782: give it to me

[23:08] gahgahgoogoo69: peener in fac

[23:08] charmed1782: hah

[23:08] charmed1782: you sound hot

[23:08] gahgahgoogoo69: do yuo like gorgia

[23:08] charmed1782: it's always on my mind

[23:09] charmed1782: you sound smart too

[23:09] gahgahgoogoo69: I's am asmrtt

[23:09] charmed1782: I said you were baby

[23:09] charmed1782: let's get back to cybering

[23:10] gahgahgoogoo69: wah wah baby cry

[23:10] charmed1782: don't sass me

[23:10] gahgahgoogoo69: i want botle momi

[23:10] charmed1782: I don't do babies

[23:10] gahgahgoogoo69: why i have big peenr

[23:11] gahgahgoogoo69: for a bib

[23:11] gahgahgoogoo69: babi

[23:11] charmed1782: LOL

[23:11] gahgahgoogoo69: i were xtra lrg diper

[23:11] charmed1782: oh la la

[23:12] gahgahgoogoo69: the fanci kind tthat fel softt

[23:12] charmed1782: let me just stroke that fancy diaper

[23:13] gahgahgoogoo69: im wet chnge me momi


[23:13] gahgahgoogoo69: oh i so notty! spank me

[23:14] charmed1782: omfg

[23:14] gahgahgoogoo69: whtat

[23:14] charmed1782: you are hilarious

[23:14] gahgahgoogoo69: who

[23:14] charmed1782: you

[23:14] gahgahgoogoo69: the bad babi is noet funni so bad!!!

[23:15] charmed1782: you go sit in the corner

[23:15] charmed1782: and you think about what you've done

[23:15] gahgahgoogoo69: *corners its*

[23:15] charmed1782: No pudding for you tonight

[23:17] gahgahgoogoo69: babi make puddin in pantss

[23:17] charmed1782: I don't love babies who mess their diapers. Filthy.

[23:17] gahgahgoogoo69: i so dirrrrty

[23:17] gahgahgoogoo69: wash mi moiimi

[23:18] charmed1782: No you will sit in it until you learn to use the potty

[23:18] gahgahgoogoo69: ooh bbabi has s rash

[23:18] charmed1782: that's god's way of punishing filthy bastards like you

[23:19] gahgahgoogoo69: i babe need oitnment


[23:20] gahgahgoogoo69: i lik beein bad

[23:21] charmed1782: then you will have an itchy ass rash IN HELL

[23:22] gahgahgoogoo69: i wish to say sorri mamoi

[23:22] charmed1782: maybe I will forgive you

[23:23] gahgahgoogoo69: i wll let yuo touchh mi babi peener

[23:24] charmed1782: oddly enough, wikipedia defines babi as a boboon god who lived on human organes. he was considered the master of sex and was portrayed with an erection

[23:25] gahgahgoogoo69: that site knows it's shit

posted 11:32 pm

Make with the happy

No drama today. I have been happily playing on the internet and fielding so many IM's that I feel like a little internets princess. I made myself some delicious pancakes with cinnamon, nutmeg, and brown sugar in them for breakfast. Hey great! Something else that makes me happy is that guy that's annoying isn't on hitzradio right now! Uhh...The Division will be on tonight and that always cheers me up. I changed some of the graphics on the site, added backgrounds to a couple pages so that's very exciting. I think I will have some caramel ice cream in a little bit, that will be awesome. So anyway, I am happy today. P.S. there was drama tonight but I won't talk about it anymore.

posted 7:05 pm

8.07.05 Yo momma said drama

In case anyone is playing along at home, this afternoon I sent the official "It is time for us to go our separate ways" email. And this evening I got this long and drawn out voicemail about how shaken he is and how he thought we were going to make it in the long run and won't I please call him so he can hear this from my own mouth and he doesn't want things to end this way. Bah. I can't call him, because all that will happen is that I will feel exceedingly uncomfortable and probably end up crying and I simply don't feel like listening to whatever manipulative crap he has to say tonight. Somehow I just don't see him giving up drinking (at least through the week), and suddenly growing a great desire to get married and have children. And he'll have to switch shifts at his job if he ever wants to see me aside from the weekends because I pretty much have no control over what time I will be working. And I really don't think that he's going to want to change his entire life for me, so let's just let it go. Maybe another email or something will get the point across. Ok, I just sent another one going into detail my main points. I hope he understands I won't choose between him and having a family.

Moving off the drama train for a few minutes, I am trying to get some things put together to enter into the fair. For $18 I can enter as many things as I want and I get admission to the fair every day. So I'm entering a photography display, a decorated cake, a bird house, and some ceramic bottles I made at school. I think the only things I'm going to have a chance winning are the photos of flowers and the cake. I gotta practice some more making roses out of icing. The bird house is going to be a Tiki Hut and if I can make it as cool as I have in my mind there's a chance for maybe 2nd or 3rd place. The fair starts on the 15th so I still have some time to think up ideas.

posted 10:39pm

8.06.05 CSI: Drama

I think I will leave that drama graphic up there for a little while longer since I have lingering drama. I had a very awkward phone conversation last night, one of those "it's probably time to break up" phone conversations. One of those "we're both really pissed right now" phone conversations. One that ended with "the ball is in your court" kind of deals. It was great. At the time I felt bad and guilty for getting mad at him, but then later I realized that basically the entire conversation involved him giving me shit for getting mad at him for him doing something wrong. And he didn't apologize and basically left the door open for him to do it again. And he acknowledged that he probably has a drinking problem, but he doesn't see it as a problem and he no intentions of stopping drinking every day any time soon, and finally he said he knew he hurt my feelings the other night when he chose to stay home and drink rather than come to something I wanted him to be at...but he didn't apologize. I was supposed to call him today but I didn't. I think I will wait until about monday afternoon and email him my thoughts on the matter. So as of right now I am officially considering myself swingin' single. I hope he's over in WV right now flirting with some tart and gets one on tonight in my honor. Booya.

posted 8:33pm

8.05.05 Update: TODAY SUCKS 11:48pm

high drama

I just felt like making that graphic because I have minor drama in my life. It's all very Degrassi: The Next Generation. Which is like some teen drama right? It could be more Dawson's Creek or even The OC, but there isn't enough murder and intrigue for it to be like Passions. Yeah. I need a drink, that's for damn sure. I have an awesome way of making minor drama into high drama. Ugh.

posted 8:25pm

8.02.05 i am ambivalent about today

Just thought you'd like to know my mood has improved since yesterday. Today I went and dusted off my easy-bake oven from the garage in anticipation of the arrival of my easy-bake gourmet cookbook that robgraves bought me from my amazon wishlist. Whoever thought up the wishlist is a genius. How else can you get a random stranger from across the country to buy you things? Awesome. I have officially decided that the day following a drinking spree that I am generally not a fun person to be around and that I should probably lock myself in a dark closet with a pillow and blanket for the entire 24 hours following the sobering up with only a bottle of gatorade and some advil. Spare the world my drama and whatnot. So I'm really hungry right now, and I still want a corndog, but I don't know where to get one. Amazon sells corndogs. Maybe someone will buy those for me next? Who knows?? It's a mystery. A delightful, buying me things mystery.

My mom has been outside in the 96 degree weather all day trying to remove a clothesline from the side yard, which has been there for probably since the beginning of time. Whoever put it in put in about 50 pounds of concrete around it like Ohio gets hurricanes or something, so she's been digging and hitting it with a sledgehammer and swearing at it. Last I checked she was going after it with a hacksaw, and she's really not even making a dent in the removal of the clothesline. And there's of course two poles so I'm thinking she'll have this project closed up sometime next week. I, on the other hand, have marked 'taking a shower' as today's crowning achievement. And also photoshopping my dad's head on some guy who visited Chernobyl because he's telling all his co-workers that he went there on summer vacation. It's a strange world I live in. Clang clang clang goes the sledgehammer!

posted 4:47pm

8.01.05 today sucks and i hate it

Today is one of those lovely days where you're all hungover and you had kind of a let-down weekend and you've just been moping around the house all day long, and there is nothing to do or anyone to talk to so you just get all depressed or whatever and start thinking of all the ways in which you're pissed off. That's my day. I went bowling on sunday and we bowled like shit so we're probably not going to make any money. I got completely falling-down drunk so I don't remember half of what went on except that I had a final score in one of the games in the 60's. So they should have just brought the lady with the broken arm, because she can bowl better than that. Then I was all pissed because I had been all built up thatmy boyfriend was going to drop by and say hello at the alley. I hadn't thought he would come but my mom kept saying oh I bet he does, oh I bet he won't stay home with his friends when he could see you, oh he asked again what time we bowl...etc. So I was like cool. Then we come to find out that yes indeed he would rather stay home with his friend bud light that take two hours max out of his day to come down and see me. I guess I am mad that because I know if he had said hey I'm doing something on sunday, and here's when it starts, and here's exactly how to get there, that I would have shown up, even to make an appearance. That's when I really started drinking. And to top that off, I had stopped by his house earlier in the day and he largely ignored me while I was there. He just went right back to doing what he was doing and didn't saying anything other than hi and bye to me. So that was fantastic. Woke up this morning and felt like I had been run over by a mac truck, puked a couple times, had to leave the hotel by 11 so I was so tired I thought I was going to die. Didn't get to go shopping like we were going to. Came home and went back to sleep for four hours. Been sitting in front of this computer ever since, until about ten minutes ago when I went into the living room hoping to have some human conversation, and instead my mom chose to do the cryptoquote in the paper. You know I think that is kind of bullshit, because anytime someone walks into the room I am in, I always, and I mean always, give them my time. I don't care what I am doing, if you walk in here to see me about something, I am expected to, and I do, set aside what I'm doing and talk to you about your day. Whenever I walk into a room, it's like, well let me finish my 87 projects and I'll try to fit you in sometime in the next three hours. Real nice, makes me feel super important. So I came back in here and sit in front of the computer some more. I was in such a good mood saturday and sunday afternoon and I guess this is the cosmic balance of the universe that today I have to be down in the dumps.

posted 11:08pm

7.29.05 cramping my style

Ugh. I have taken 8 advils today and I still have cramps. Sometimes being a girl sucks real bad. We have to pee sitting down, all the time even when camping and on a boat, we have stupid cramps, and uh...ok that's all I can think of right now. Otherwise it's ok, I guess. I don't have to worry about where to position my junk when taking a poop, nor do I need to readjust said junk during the day. I can also ride a bicycle without fear of reproductive loss. So....yeah. Today was real boring. I cleaned the house and did laundry. Put the sheets out on the line to smell summer fresh and all. It was very Mayberry up in here. This weekend TJ has to work...again. BUT I am going to be drunk and bowling so I don't care. Hopefully I will not be fighting with Kelly. I'm betting about 5 to 1 we will end up fighting/wrestling on the lane while other people are trying to bowl and possibly getting kicked out. Which would not be good because I want to win me some money. Last year we got 225 bucks for it. I have nothing else to say. Tomorrow I think I am getting fingerprinted for school to make sure I was never convicted of any felonies or petty larcony or anything so that I am legally fit to care for small children. I sure hope no one has stolen my identity and commited some heinous crimes in the name of Katie. I suddenly am hungry for some ice cream. Luckily I know just where I can get some, and it's not far. Today is a mindless rambling day on the site, so I will continue in this vein until I get bored and leave. So I'm thinking about getting in the pool tomorrow. I want to be real tan when I go to the tournament so everyone can ohh and ahh about how fantastic and tan I look. And I will be like yeah what else is new. Haha. Beans beans beans lots of beans lots of beans. Ever since I saw that Magical Trevor video all I do is randomly walk around and yell about lots of beans. I'll just be in the car, looking out the window, thinking about who knows what, and all of a sudden I'll be like BEANS LOTS OF BEANS LOTS OF BEANS LOTS OF BEANS!!! Some day I will probably be committed. Then I can throw myself up against the wall or on the floor but it will be padded so I won't hurt myself. I threw a pizza box at myself the other day and hit myself in the head and I fell down and I laughed and laughed because it was the most hysterical thing that had happend in the last five minutes. No one else thought it was as hilarious as I did, but that happens to me a lot. I have a rubber band on my wrist. I think it looks kinda cool. It was on the floor. I wonder if I can negative reinforce myself to not do something, or take my mind off these fruckin cramps by pulling it out and snapping it? Let's see. Ow. Well, since I didn't have anything in mind before I did that, I'm guessing that was a wasted opportunity to change my life. Oh well. Cowboy Troy has come out with a second song which is far less obnoxious than the last one and almost tolerable to listen to. At least he's not all yelling about how he's black and he's gonne just tear up the country scene. Now he's crooning something about love or whatever. Fits much better into the country genre than that other song. I want to do some karaoke. I wish I had somewhere to go to do it, but honestly I'm too lazy to get up now and put some better looking clothes on and go in search of a karaoke place. I mean look at me, it's been like ten minutes since I said I wanted ice cream, and have I gotten up to get it yet? No. What a lazy ass I am. I guess I get it from my dad who was reportedly very extremely lazy. And stupid. And a drunk. SO.....like glad he's not around anymore lol. Who needs two lazy people in the house? I assume I would be less lazy than him and therefore would be the one doing all the non work around here, and I am just not down with that shit let me tell you. Switching gears, I think I may have found the perfect wife for myself. He cooks, he cleans, he does laundry, but I like doing laundry so that's more of an even than a plus. Also he is not a bum. This could get serious. I also find I am oddly annoyed when he doesn't call me, which is a first because usually I am like will you fucking stop calling me but this is different. Of course he doesn't call me 7 times a day either and ask me stupid crap like how much detergent to put in the washing machine like read the fucking box you idiot. No, he calls and tells me about his day and I talk about my day and it's all smiles and thanks for calling and see you soon and a sllllllliiiigggghhhhtttttttt pause right before one of us says goodnight and I am talking about about a fraction of a second like is it going to be goodight honey or something else but it never is but that's ok because really I don't think we're ready for that yet although it's all goodnight honey when he leans over and kisses me goodnight when we're in bed. He's probably just doing that to butter me up. But that's ok too. And...this is the longest mindless ramble I have had for a while. I haven't talked to any of my friends for a while so I emailed all of them the other day. They're all doing fine in case you're wondering. We're all getting ready for school to start in September, getting our references and our physicals and our criminal background checks done. Good, good times. Still have these cramps. How long should I wait to take another half a bottle of advil. I took 3 at 12:30, 2 more at 6 and two more like I don't know an hour ago. Hey, that's only 7. I can't count very good deerrrrrrrrr I be good math teacher. I am a little concernd about this because I can totally see myself up in front of the class doing some math lesson and some kid will ask me to add something together and I'll just say shut up and add it yourself!! No, I would never say that. I would probably make him add it himself though because I'll get it wrong and then they'll think I'm an idiot. And it took me 4 tries to spell idiot right. Beans lots of beans lots of beans lots of beans. Blah blah some stupid sappy let them be little song is on which reminds me of the time some girls played this song in our lifetime development or whatever the hell that class was and the teacher was singing and I was like ugh you are a crap singer but I was a little afraid of her so I didn't say anything but I was like please god let her quit singing. They finally just shut the tape off. Anyway. I bet there are about 50 typos up there but I don't really care because I've been typing this really fast. Straight from the brain to the net. I have often thought that it would be cool to have somethign that I could hook up to my brain at night time because I always have a lot of really great, and I mean like world changing thoughts when I am almost ready to fall asleep at night and then by the time I wake up the next day they're gone. I've also composed what I'm sure would be grammy winning songs but those are lost too. It's tragic, you know, denying the world of my gifts. If only I was technically minded I could come up with a way to get my thoughts recorded. I'll probably think of it tonight but then it will be lost since I don't have a way to remember the plans. Damn paradox. It's a little chilly in here. 66 degrees. Nice. The past week we had a heat warning because it was like 95 degrees and all the old people who live in Ohio were in danger of heat stroke. I don't know how. All they do is ride around in their hover chairs at Wal-Mart or sit in their lawn chairs in the garage and watch traffic go by. They sure as hell aren't out digging ditches, and I don't care if it's February. My grandma probably still has her air conditioner on. I bet she will get a hover round one of these days. Then she can drive herslef all around, even to the grand canyon like in the commercials. I think it would be funny if someone set up a decoy farmer's market on the edge of the grand canyon and then when some old person in thier crown victoria set their sights on it they will just drive off the cliff instead of killing people and damaging valuable produce. My fingers are starting to get a little tired from all this typing. I think I will stop before causing carpal tunnel syndrome which would surely affect my bowling score. I hope you have enjoyed this mindless ramble. I know I sure did. See you next time.

posted 12:51am

7.22.05 ice capades

First of all, it took about 13 tries to get the html in the title right. Secondly, the ice keeps getting stuck in the straw, which is inhibiting my alcohol consumption of my strawberry smoothie. With coconut rum. I love coconut rum. Today I went to the liquor store and was going to buy some Captain Morgan so I could do the leg lift thing at the check out, but some other kind was cheaper. I think I have made the right decision because this other kind is delicious. Except for this motherfucking ice. Whose idea was it to put ice in there? Oh right, it was my idea. I think I should have made rum ice cubes! DRINK! I've got about 45 minutes until TJ gets here...I wonder if I can nurse this smothie until then or should I just start doing shots? I'm going to be exhausted from all this strenuous sucking on this straw here. Why won't that shit just melt already? Today I went to the Budweiser distributer and bought some crap for someone's birthday even though he says I "didn't have to get him anything". Fuck that. Everyone gets something for their birthday. He'll get his present and he'll fucking like it or else. I wish this guy on the internet radio would STFU because I don't want to listen to his crap, I want to listen to music, biatch. He's talking about birthdays. I'm going to call in and tell him it's my birthday, and all I want is for him to shut his gob. HUZZAH!

posted 10:22pm

what else is new

Not much going on in tinsel town this week. We're getting our septic tank pumped out. I have to say that is about the worst job I could think of to have. Down on your hands and knees in someone's back yard with a big ass hose sucking out their poo from a hole in the ground. Who signs up for that anyway? Isn't there something more pleasant to do with your life, like driving a semi truck or something. I heard those semi truck drivers are all the rage these days. Fuckers. I still hate them.

Anyway, I bought something for my boyfriend for his birthday, a tshirt and a hat. I think the hat will be ok, but the tshirt has freakin' sparkles on it. No way is he going to wear that and I'm willing to bet I am going to get made fun of to no end for buying him a shirt with sparkles on it. So...I'm probably going to be sending that one back. As soon as the man is done sucking out the poop from the hole in the ground I'm going to go to Nurk and see what else I can find for him to take the place of the sparkle shirt. It just won't do.

So I have nothing else to say. I suppose I should just wait to post things until I actually have something interesting to say, but that could be years. Freewebs might cancel my account. And then I would come up with something fantastic and interestin to say, and I would come here and the site would be gone, and then in the process of getting a new site, I would totally forget the fantastic and awesome thing, and I would just be like "uhhhh, this is my new site." and that would suck just as bad as now. So you get interim crap while I am thinking up awesome stuff. That guy has been pumping stuff out of the hole in the ground for like over an hour now. That is one hell of a lot of crap.

posted 2:35pm

7.14.05 punch drunk posting

So I am really bored tonight so I thought I would make myself some delicious smoothies and post on the Internet. My smoothie contains: pineapple juice, orange juice, frozen strawberries, ice, and rum. Lots of rum. Some coconut rum, and some regular rum. But now I'm all out of rum. So I will savor this rum smoothie. It's so good that I've alrady got a little buzz, as you can see from my occasional typos. I'm waiting around the house ith nothing to do until saturday, so I thought: why not just get drunk? I love to get drunk. Hopefully I won't turn into an alcoholic, but I wouldn't care. Whatever. I haven't gotten anymore hatemail recently. Aparently the truckers are all out on their long hauls and can't type right now. It's been a nice break, anyway. Some people really need to like lighten up, seriously. Who gets pissed at some 22 year old girl from the midwest and writes hate mail about how my ignorance should be painful?? That person needs to lighten up. BIG TIME. Have a drink and whatnot.

posted 10:41pm

7.13.05 The entries from today and yesterday concerning the trucker situation have been moved to the semi page.

In other news, TJ called tonight and said he definitely got tickets for the saturday and sunday baseball games, and he got us a room in a really nice hotel, so it's looking like I will have a pretty nice weekend. Today I went to the doc and got my physical for student teaching in the fall and my mom's car was run off the road on the way up there. That was nerve-wracking. Of course it was a couple semis that did it, you know how they are. A couple minutes later we were watching in horror as a van came within inches of crashing into the long bed of a semi truck but somehow the van realized it and swerved at the last second. So my blood pressure was up a little bit when I got to the doctor's, but they said I was still perfectly fit to care for children LOL.

posted 12:57am

7.11.05 happy train

Hmmm...All of my entries yesterday were a little hostile, weren't they? I was hungover and in a bad mood for most of the day and night. Saturday night I slept on an air mattress, which was a little like sleeping on a waterbed in that every time I moved I got bounced around, and everytime my boyfriend moved I got bounced around, so I didn't get very much sleep. And I woke up and was ready to go at 8 am because the other people in the house that had been staying were already gone and I felt like we would be infringing if we stayed longer. Basically I came home at 9 and went back to bed until 2 and then was just a grouchy bitch the rest of the day.

So on the schedule today it looks like it's cloudy out so I probably won't get into the pool. Thermometer says it's 95 degrees outside so I might be turning on the a/c here in a few minutes. A/C always cheers me up. This weekend I might be going to a couple Indians games. Hopefully I won't come down with some damn exotic illness between now and saturday so keep your fingers crossed. I got stung by three sweat bees while in the pool yesterday and the one on my stomach is itching me to death. Fuckers.

posted 5:44pm

i wish you were here

I added some more "L" words to the expand your vocabulary section. I tend to pick out words that 1. I don't know what they mean, and 2. Can be used against people or in everyday speech in such a way that they would not know that I am making fun of them. Because I'm an ASSHOLE!! I've been very bored today and listening to crappy love music. Stupid love music.

This afternoon I tried to make something with the sewing machine and ended up just quitting. I hate Home Ec. I'm glad I didn't have to take it in school. I made a quilt one summer when I was sick and didn't have anything else to do, and that was frustrating enough, but I thought it would be something Memorable™ that I could keep forever and ever and tell my grandchildren about that summer when grandma made the quilt. Sometimes I am exceptionally sappy. Anyways, within a couple weeks of using the quilt some of the stitches started coming out. And it was made from scrap fabric of all different colors, so it's basically rendered impossible to wash. And where is the Memorable™ quilt now, you ask? Well, it's stuck in a plastic tote in the garage, because it's 1. Ugly, and 2. A reminder of the shit-ass-bad time I had when I went away to school for a quarter, which I am still bitter about and it was almost three years ago. That's one thing about me, once I get pissed, I pretty much stay that way. For ever. But I am likewise loyal in love and friendship, so...I guess stay on my good side.

posted 10:27pm

thou art romeo

Well, I had a good weekend. Went yesterday to a carnival-type deal with my boyfriend and got totally drunk, but somehow and luckily, I got quiet drunk and not loud and obnoxious drunk. So that was a plus. TJ won me a teddy bear in a darts vs. balloons game, and we watched some totally awesome fireworks. I've seen a lot of fireworks this year and these were the best yet. It didn't hurt of course, that I was entirely plastered, and the fireworks were going off right directly over our heads. Today I'm nursing my hangover and wishing I was out riding 4 wheelers with TJ but he's got crap to do :( Stupid CRAP!

posted 5:44pm

7.08.05 sunshine and daisies

I changed my colors again, finally. The black and grey was a little dreary for July. Anyway this is a boring train of thought, I'm sure no one really cares about the color scheme of my web-o-blog. I wish I had funny and/or cool stuff to put here. But alas, today the funny wagon is empty. NOW GOODBYE!

The last time I was in a preschool, there was a little boy playing with the toy phones. He pretended to call a bunch of different places, people he knew, even ordered a pizza. Every time he was finished talking with the imaginary person on the other end, he would scream NOW GOODBYE and slam down the phone. It was hilarious.

posted 2:16pm

7.04.05 oh say does that Star Spangled banner yet wave...

Happy Independence Day, Americans! Hope yours is as full of fireworks, hotdogs and beer as mine is! Here's a rundown of my Fabulous July 4th Extravaganza! This has been the most entertaining 4th I have ever had. On saturday I went boating for the first time in my life at a nearby lake with my boyfriend and his friend's family. We had a lot of fun racing around on the water and got to watch a little fireworks display. We were so close that ashes were falling on us and the fireworks were right overhead. Pretty awesome. The only bad part was that I was afraid to drink anything because there was only this little boat bathroom under the deck and I was scared to go in there. Anyway, then last night I went over to my boyfriend's parents house for him to light off his thousand dollar fireworks hoodlyhoo. His grand finale was actually cooler than the one we saw at the lake. I got to meet his whole family and they were all very nice and fun and I had a great time. I drank so many cans of Mountain Dew there that I have been up all night. Today I plan to lay around in the pool, drink, eat, be merry, and go watch some more fireworks tonight. July is coming in with a BANG, that's for sure.

Ohh, also, as I was sitting here a little while ago a Cardinal landed on a bucket of flowers that I have hanging outside my window. He was only about 4 feet away from me!

posted 7:41am

6.30.05 hazy hot and humid

I deleted that last post because it was really stupid and not that funny. I can't have sub-par funny on this site, that just won't do. I don't have anything interesting to say today. I can't believe it's the last day of June already. Summer is going by too fast, as usual.

posted 2:21am

6.22.05 chock full of madness

Well, I have discovered that there are many people who visit my site. How thrilling! I hope you're excited for another episode of: Katie's Exciting Life, starring me, Katie!!11! Let's recap what I did today, shall we? Today I rose at the early hour of 1 pm and enjoyed a nice Mountain Dew and Fruity Pebbles breakfast. Shortly thereafter, I went into the pool and vacuumed it. At this point in my story I remember that I shoved the cover onto the ground in a fit of annoyance, and it is still there, meaning that all kinds of leaves and bugs and crap will be in the pool tomorrow, negating my vacumming efforts of today. Anyway! It was windy out and quite chilly, but the water was warm and I swam around and lazed on a raft, which also reminds me that we forgot to buy another raft at the store. Ah, my feeble mind. Anway! Then I had dinner, a hotdog and some macaroni and cheese. It was ok, but there was no ketchup for my hotdog, and it just wasn't the same. Then I went to the store and bought a smoothie maker to make frozen daquiris and margaritas and pina coladas with this summer, because I am a raging alcoholic. Then I went bowling, but I forgot and left my bowling ball and shoes in my boyfriend's truck, so I had to use sucky alley shoes and an old ball, so I bowled piss-poor. I wasn't too excited about bowling. Then I had some pizza and all was right with the world again.

So that was fun. I bet you guys are all glad you heard about my day. Much in the same way that I was excited today to listen to my grandma tell me in great detail what her neighbor's daughter who lives in a nursing home had for dinner the other day. Except she couldn't remember what she had for lunch. And then some other story that I stopped listening to and shot myself in the face because it was so mindless and boring about her heating up a cinnamon...roll? muffin? cupcake? she couldn't remember, and it had something in the middle of it, and she put it in the microwave on "3 reheat" and she thought she couldn't eat it all because it was too big, but she got a fork and it was ok after that and she ate it. And I'm telling you it took her 10 minutes to tell me that she warmed up a cinnamon roll and ate it today. Exciting, fantastic stuff. I also got a run-down on the Natalee Holloway case. Still missing. Still retarded, and her friend Francis Ellen has a seriously fucked up, wonky eye, which I saw on Greta VanSustren. I hope wonky eye doesn't think that being interviewed on Greta is going to get her an "in" in Hollywood, because that eye is freakish. And her other friend Ruth (ok, Francis Ellen and Ruth? Are we in 1927 Alabama or are they that far behind?) was there, but her eyes were ok.

I want to wish all the pagan-types out there a Happy Solstice, I hope you got to spend it outside. There is a beautiful full moon out there tonight, I feel full of mischief :) For some reason, I will interject a quote from MST3K from the episode "I was a Teenage Werewolf". "Do his weremom and weredad know his whereabouts?" because I think it's funny, and it's my website and I can do what I want.

posted 1:25am

6.16.05 continued annoyance + advice corner 2

I will try to have another advice corner tonight if I can get enough people to send in emails, so if you have a problem or question you would like answered, please email me. But first, I would like to respond to this little gem left in my guestbook:

As a trucker, I must say that you undoubtedly
have some serious personal issues that need to
be addressed by a professional. ASAP. All of
you automobile drivers have this "I hate truck
drivers" attitude, and 90% of the time, you
bring it on yourself. I would absolutely love
my job if it wasn't for ignorant people like
yourself who do not understand the plight of
the truckdriver. You bitch about a truck
pulling out in front of you (or another car)
and the car having to "slam on brakes". Oh,
damn. Isn't that just sad?? If I had a dollar
for every time an automobile pulled out in
front of me and I had to lock down all 18
brakes to avoid killing an asshole who
desperately deserved it, I could retire today.
Oh, the many, many times I've been going
through towns, making deliveries, and some ass
in their automobile feels he has to pull out
and pass, get in front of me, and as soon as
he's back in my lane, give a signal to turn.
It's horseshit like this that makes this job so
stressful, and people like you who
intentionally make our job difficult. The
unsafe drivers are the ones with four wheels,
not eighteen.

I strongly suspect that this isn't a real truck driver, based mostly on the fact that I doubt any trucker's ability to type that coherently. Anway, fake trucker, I still hate you. You mention that you have had a lot of cars pull out in front of you. Well isn't that just too bad. If you had any reading comprehension, you would know that them pulling out in front of me was but a small part of my hatred of them. My number one problem with truck drivers is this:

They have no respect for the people or the places that they drive through.

Truck drivers have no respect for the people, because they do things such as pulling out in front of cars because they're tired of waiting for an opening in traffic, and they KNOW no car is going to hit them unless they can't avoid it, because if anyone's going to die in a truck/car collision, it's going to be the person in the car. Truckers also frequently change lanes without looking, causing near collisions when they don't bother to notice the car in the left lane. Also, in an attempt to get to their location early or on time, truckers exceed the speed limit. I have been passed on the interstate when I was going 75 by truckers on several occasions. You realize how unsafe that is, right? You know how hard it is to stop on of those big rigs, right C-Lo? And that's bad enough when it's 70 and sunny out. Truckers seem to think that they can drive the same in 70 and sunny as they do in 26 and snowing, ice, rain, etc. Very, very unsafe for all of the cars around them, because as I said, if anyone's going to die in a collision between a semi and a car, it's going to be the person in the car.

Truckers also have no respect for the towns they drive through. I can get in my car right now and take pictures of the trash that is littered all along a hillside that's right next to the truck stop. I can also take pictures of the unsightly orange barrels and NO U-TURN signs that had to be put in place when truckers regularly made illegal u-turns in the road, frequently getting stuck and blocking the entire road, all the while tearing a huge mud pit next to the road, because they were too STUPID to find the turn for the truck parking lot, and too STUPID to drive another 50 feet to an area by the side of the road where they could turn around, and too STUPID to read the signs that told them where to go. So then two lanes of traffic have to wait for the STUPID truck driver to call someone to haul his jack-knifed ass out of the ditch, and the state has to pay a highway patrolman to sit there with his lights on to babysit the STUPID truck driver who disregarded all the signs. They pull into places with large "No semis with trailers" signs right in front of them, they don't care, they don't think the rules apply to them, and this isn't their hometown so why should they inconvenience themselves? Oh, and did I forget to mention the fact that you guys like to piss into gallon jugs or any other bottle laying around the cab, and then toss that piss-filled bottle out of your window? Nothing like a bottle of piss to make you friends in strange places, asshole.

To recap, since I bet all these words are making you feel tired, I still hate truck drivers. Thanks for writing1!

posted 2:27pm

6.13.05 what was I thinking

I had a pretty good weekend at the bowling tournament. Most of my fun included heavy drinking since I wasn't actually bowling. I played cards and a dice game with a couple of my friends after the tournament. Yesterday and today I have just been bumming around the house. I think I'm going out to get some free chinese food here in a little bit with my mom and my grandma. I'm using up those awesome gift certificates that I won from the bowling banquet last month, bitches!

So Michael Jackson is innocent again. Good for him. But it was a little anti-climatic for everyone watching, I think. My grandma will probably tell us all about it when I see her later, along with any developments in the Natalee Holloway case, and other interesting information that she has gleaned from the television.

I would like to send a shout-out to my bud Kelly who totally crapped out on the rest of us this weekend and went to bed at 8:30 on saturday night. What was that about? Also TJ is back from Aruba and he had a wonderful time, but he indeed did not go looking for the missing girl. He said he heard people talking down there like she was looking for drugs before she left with those guys. Stupid, so stupid.

posted 5:32pm

6.07.05 lobster lobster lobster lobster LOBSTER! YEAH!

I have a totally awesome story to tell you guys about my awesome family and how awesome they are. Well, I have one sarcastic story about their awesomeness, and one totally sincere one about their awesomeness. The second one really makes them awesome beyond compare, while the first makes them look a bit like asswholes. You decide.

Story one: Sarcastic awesomeness.

So I had bronchitis and the doctor put me on some antibiotic. I've been taking said antibiotic just like I was supposed to and all was well in the lungs department. Well last weekend we got the pool open and ready for the season. And on Sunday I went outside and walked around in the yard for a bit (about 30 minutes), and I sat on a chair for a short while (about 20 minutes), and I sort of stood in the middle of the pool for another time (about 20 minutes) because it was still too cold for effective enjoyment. So ladies and gentlemen we have about a grand total of little over one hour in the sun on sunday afternoon. Give or take, might have been an hour more even. Whatever. The point is that it was a completely ridiculously short period of time that I was outside. Well I wake up the next damn day and if I am not the color of a sun-ripened tomato I don't know what is. But here's the delightful part. Here is the summary of body parts which are burned red: both of the very tops of my shoulders, my right forearm, my index, middle, and ring fingers of both hands, my kneecaps, and my toes. That's it. Everything else is lily white except for these asinine splotches of completely fried skin. Now I will share with you the information that makes my family sarcastically awesome. My dad is a pharmacist. And my mom worked in a pharmacy for 11 years. Both of them were completely aware that the antibiotic that I was on for bronchitis WOULD MAKE ME ESPECIALLY SENSITIVE TO THE SUN'S HOT, BURNING RAYS, and neither one of them thought it necessary to tell me this information until I turn up the next day looking like roadkill. So, a sarcastic thanks for the information I could have used on sunday, mom and dad!

Story two: without a doubt, the awesomenesstest.

And now for the story which catupults my family ahead of all families in the world as far as awesomeness is concerned: I might be going to California next year. Even better, it's going to be San Francisco. Now, I have wanted, longed, dreamed of going to California for as long as I can remember. It has been my passionate dream that one day I would go there. Now it's looking like that time has come for me and I was so happy when I heard this information I almost cried. The trip is going to be to celebrate my graduation from college. We're gonna fly out and drive around and I'm so excited I can't believe it. SO A BIG GIANT THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY LITTLE RED HEART TO MY MOMMY AND DADDY FOR LOVING ME SO. Damnit all if I'm not the luckiest person in the whole world :D

I have one more final tomorrow in science methods and then I will officially be on summer vacation. I took the last antibiotic yesterday so hopefully once again I will be able to go into the sun without getting alien freakish burns on my body, and I can drink again, AND we're going to a bowling tournament in Cleveland this weekend and I will see my fake sister and my real friends and we will have a fantastic time and I will be sooooooo drunk and then soooooo hungover it probably will be very ugly. I haven't seen my boy in like forever and I won't see him again this weekend. I bet he's down there in Aruba trying to find that missing girl because he really is a sweetheart. Have fun, Hype!

posted 12:14pm

5.29.05 TECoDDfH and I go to the hospital

As you all know, I have been fighting a cold/flu/horribe afflicting disease for the past month. It has meandered around my body, causing me to spew forth mass amounts of phlem and mucus from many orifices of my body. There was the stabbing pain in my ear and the delightful loss of hearing on my left side. Just as I was beginning to think that I was over the hump, that victory could be declared in honest over The Evil Cold of Deadly Doom from Hell, saturday morning rolled around. I had planned to go to a Cleveland Indians baseball game with my BF and his parents. It was going to be an awesome time, what with fireworks and all sorts of baseball merriment.

I woke up saturday morning with an excruciating pain right in the middle of my back. I could barely take a breath in without feeling like I was going to die. I honestly thought someone had stabbed me in the back in my sleep. I tried rolling over, laying on my back, putting a pillow under my head, sitting up, leaning back...nothing would relieve this pain. So I stood up. Whooo son did that make it hurt worse. I struggled to find some warm clothes to put on because I was also chilled from fever, and stumbled into the living room where my mom was napping on the couch.

Her eyes snapped open as I gingerly sank to the floor by the coffee table and I whispered "My back hurts". She asked if it was a kidney infection, as I am also prone to getting those, but I said this was a different kind of pain and that I could hardly breath. She said we would have to go to the ER and I laid on the floor huddled in the fetal position while she got ready. For a while I sat on a towel in the bathroom, trying to breath in some steamy air from the shower which helped a little.

We got to the hopsital and it was no time at all before I was taken into triage where I got asked a bunch of questions and I answered half of them wrong because I pay about 1/2 times nothing of attention to anything medically related to myself. Anway, then my dad comes in and (he works there) to have this big convo with the dude trying to figure out what's wrong with me about where he used to work and did my mom remember him and blah blah. I was like "umm...remember me? Let's save the pleasantries until after it is determined that I am not having a heart attack. Thanks." But actually I just sat there and shivered. Finally I got some motrin and taken to exam room 14.

You know how teeny those little exam rooms are, don't you? Well, picture this: me, my mom, my dad, my brother, two doctors, and a nurse all packed into this tiny room. It was like a clown car. At any rate, they wanted to do a chest x-ray. I was briefly amused because I had never had one of those before.

My chest x-ray said that I had bronchitis that was starting to turn into pnemonia, so it's a good damn thing that I finally went to the doctor. Sometimes it's nice having parents who know about the medical field because they work in it, and other times it's a pain in the (back) because they think they can just self-medicate me instead of taking me to a doctor in a reasonable amount of time. Like, I have to be unable to breath, before I go to the doctor. ANYWAY, I have a lot of antibiotics and cough syrup and motrin and all that happy hoo-haa to take so I think now I may just be on the road to recovery but I have said that before and been proven a liar so we'll have to wait and see.

In other news, since I didn't get to go to the baseball game because I was sick, I got flowers again! This time I got a very pretty assortment of yellow, pink, purple, and peach/red roses! That boy I got out with is THE sweetest. He also said he would bring me a Travis Hafner bobble head :) I told him I would stick his picture on there and make it a (his name) bobble head, but then he reminded me that under penalty of death no one is allowed to take his picture because he "doesn't like how he looks". He's going to do a whole lot of getting over that if we are to date long because I like to take random pictures of people with my new camera at pretty much any gathering of more than three people.

My nose is itching and it won't stop, and someone is outside firing a gun repeatedly. Just some good old fashioned country celebratin'!


posted 9:50pm

5.26.05 I forgot something

I forgot to tell you my sad and tragic news of the day (which really isn't sad or tragic in any way, compared to many things). Anyway, today I decided that I had just had enough of the turtle swimming madly in the tank, desperately trying to escape. Digging, swimming, scratching, etc. So....I took him outside. And he like, walked away. And trumpets sounded and the clouds broke and the yard was filled with sunshine. Rose petals fluttered down from the sky. I think I saw a rainbow. At least that's how it went in the t.v. version of my life. So now I don't have to clean out its tank any more, and I can once again get into my trunk of crafts and assorted electronic equipment.

I'll have you all know that I piddled away the entire day without doing even one scrap of work, unless you count helping corral children as work. Portfolios? Scorned. Homework papers? Laughed at. Lesson plans? Eff 'em. TAKE THAT, COLLEGE! I AM SICK OF YOU! YOU ARE NOT A COUSIN FOR ME ANY MORE!

posted 11:03pm

chatterbox empty tank

Ok, I just tried to make that headline not make any sense. I think I did a pretty good job. Even though it does mean something. Today I went to the elementary school and the kids were totally crazy and nuts, and will surely be just as bad tomorrow (or worse). They're getting all excited about the end of the year!!!11! Today they watched a video about germs and how you're supposed to wash your hands to avoid getting sick. So as soon as the video is turned off, what do they all start doing? Rubbing their hands together to pill up all the dirt and grime on their hands, proclaim them germs, and proceed to RUB ALL THAT CRAP ALL OVER THEIR FACES. They were like "What? We want to get sick so we don't have school tomorrow!". And by "school" they mean: picnic lunches, long recesses, videos, cupcakes and juice. Which is all they did this afternoon. Tomorrow all they're doing is: lunch with the kindergarten, talent show, speaker who will tell them about animals, recess. Sounds like a rough life, doesn't it? It's nice for them because they're having fun but they just go so nuts and they don't listen you hear yourself saying the same things over and over and over again. *sigh* I can't wait for the next 30 years :)

In other news, I'm going to a baseball game this weekend. Cleveland Indians. When I checked the weather page on Tuesday, it was like a 20% chance of rain and the spectator index was 8 (very good). It has been going down progressively since then, today it says there's going to be scattered T-storms, 60% chance of rain, and the spectator index is down to 5 (fair). The high temperature is only supposed to be 63 and it's a night game. So I think I can look forward to: 1. long drive up there with my bf and his parents (mmm..conversation) 2. being freezing and possibly rained on 3. probably getting struck by lightning 4. being there all.day. and half the night I hope we don't drive all the way up there and have it rain delay - rain delay - rain delay - cancelled. That will parse me off. We'll see. If the weather report keeps getting worse by saturday....we'll see.

Two more weeks of school. TEH HAWTNESS!

Thanks to everyone who sent in an advice letter. Advice corner will return the next time I damn well feel like it.

posted 5:31pm


B: Dear Katie,

I am totally envious of someone on a website I frequent. I look at her hair, her smile, her whole LIFE and I just WANT IT TO BE MINE. Can you possibly help me???

Dear Envious B.,

It sounds like you could be a stalker. Please take a look at the quiz here to determine whether or not you will take your obsession to dangerous levels. Also: I know it's probably me that you want to stalk. Afterall, I am totally fabulous and wonderful. Depending on your score on the stalking quiz, you may be allowed to stalk me on alternate tuesdays and sunday afternoons. Please send me your score and we'll talk.



cASSie: Dear Katie,

I have a super ultra mega crush on someone from the internet. What do I do?

Dear Cassie,

Please see above advice. Also, you know my email address, you could be sending me love letters and/or poems at any time to win my love. You have to be proactive when you have such feelings for another person. Not everyone can read minds like I can.



Haikupoet: Dear Katie,

I have this "frienemy" on the internet and I masturbate to the very idea of just smelling her hair every night. She hates me though. What do I do?

Dear Haikupoet,

That's pretty gross and way more information than I needed to hear. She probably hates you because you are so weird and gross. Go outside and try to find someone who isn't repulsed by you. If all else fails, I'm sure a street corner near you will be stocked with everything you'd need to fufill your carnal desires. Just so you know: weird ass hair sniffing and crap like that costs extra.

Kindest Regards,


I'll call myself Keith: Dear Katie,

I am in love with this girl on Fark's sister. She is a little delusional and mean but I can't get enough. What do I do?

Dear ICMK,

Is everyone on here sharing a brain and a pair of pants tonight? Why don't all of you just get together in one room and have a big freak ass orgy and get it over with?

Never write to me again,


RobGraves: Dear Katie,

I am a giant loser who watches wrestling and beats off to chicks I meet in the TF Cafe. I also sleep with my gigantic fat wife and work at Sears. Should I kill myself immediately or drink until I die?

Dear Rob,

I would advise drinking yourself to death. Not only is it a hell of a lot more fun, but less messy for someone else to clean up. You might also consider a drug overdose for faster results. I would recommend saving your pennies now for your future hospitalizations and liver transplant. A smart move would be to put yourself on the transplant list now. I hear livers take a while to order. Also, you might buy some light beer for your wife and take away the Cheetos. If she can't help herself you've got to get the ball rolling.



dreamy steamy: Dear Katie,

I am beginning to think that people love me more for my awesome socks than for my awesome personality. What can I do to avert this flattering though unwanted occurence??

Dear DS,

What is so awesome about your socks? Are they cashmire? Do they have the little individual toes cut out? I need more information. For now, I would advise you to go to your nearest KMart or Wal*Mart and purchase a bag of white tube socks. Get the kind that go all the way up almost to your knee. Wear these socks with shorts and black dress shoes and your problems should be solved.

Thanks for writing,


posted 12:25am

5.22.05 hoo ha two updates in one day

After toiling away most of the afternoon and evening, I have finished my powerpoint presentation, AND I made a dent in my 455 portfolio. You don't know what that means, but it is awesome to be almost finished with it. Unfortunately, I have two more such portfolios to do for science and reading, and I haven't even started those yet.

So now that I have some free time (not), I thought I would just get on here and diary about my life for a little bit. So here goes.

Dear Diary,

I'm very bored today.



Wasn't that awesome? I wanted to write something all personal and crap, but I really don't want to run the chance of the people who I want to write about actually reading it, so I'm not gonna. Instead I will tell a dramatic story about my friend B in order to solicit stranger (impartial) advice from my five readers (estimate).

B. and her boyfriend, R. have been dating for a while. R. is a wonderful boyfriend, he does nice things and he is a nice guy to her. But B. doesn't think (she told me she knows in her heart) that she will ever marry R. She likes to be with him, but says she isn't "in love" with him nor can she see herself marrying him and having kids. B. said that R. has mentioned a couple times that he doesn't want to have kids anyway, and B. knows that she definitely does. B. wondered to me whether she should end it because she knows there isn't a future, but if she does she will feel alone and depressed, or should she keep dating R. until someone better comes along? And when is the cut-off point? I once worked for someone who dated a guy for 18 years, knowing the whole time that she wasn't going to marry him (which I thought was personally the stupidest thing I had ever heard of). I don't know what to tell B., only that she will have to make a decision sometime - I told her to think about what a dealbreaker would be for her. If R. changes his mind and asks you to marry him, and says he would have children, would you do it? So many questions, and no Lifetime movie to tell us the way. *sigh* If only R. was beating and/or cheating on B., this would be so much easier to predict the outcome.

Aside from B. and R., one of my other friends, S., is still stuck on her old boyfriend A., because she thought she might really marry him, and then he dumped her. Actually, he started ignoring her for a long time, and she technically dumped him. But her feelings were still hurt. Now she is basically pissed at him, and secretly hopes he becomes mangled in some way, yet she can't stop herself from checking out his website all the time. And then she calls me up, and yells things into the phone like "Who does he think he is, talking about how sad and single he is all the time?" or, "That asswipe needs his tires slashed, have you got a box cutter sharp?". And I have to talk her down. I think perhaps I should become an advice columnist. Please send in your letters, and I will dispense with the advice, faithful readers.

posted 10:45pm


Today I decided that instead of doing my school work, I would make a favicon for my site. I notice that it is the CoolKids? thing to have. Unfortunately, I can get it to show up in the address bar, but not on my favorites bar. Which...is not exactly what I wanted to happen. But I have already lost interest in it today so I probably won't spend any more energy trying to figure it out and fix it.

So, yesterday was a pretty fun day. I went to a birthday party and drank and played darts, and no one died or was horribly disfigured so that was a plus. Except all of these people who I don't even really know were making fun of me because I couldn't add my darts score. They were like "uhhh...going to be a math teacher are you?" and I told them to shut up. And then we had a hearty laugh at how I just seemed like I'd been their friend forever. I fit in so well :) Apparently my drinking is increasing exponentially and I haven't even noticed. For instance, I remember a time in the not-so-distant past when three Smirnoff Ices were quite enough to send me over to happy buzz land. And that was with food in my stomach. Yesterday, I ate approximately 2 bites of a bagel and 3 cheese raviolis. And apparently, I had nine Smirnoff Ices and Rasperry Twists. Nine. And, to be fair, I was drunk, but not as drunk as one would certainly think you would be on an empty stomach and nine Smirnoffs. So I am a drunken lush. And an ironic side note: I did not take any aspirins or drink any other liquids yesterday, and I woke up today with not even a hint of a headache. It's ironic, because every other day last week I woke up with a headache, but the day after a drunken night on the town? Nothing! I guess I have found the cure!

Well I suppose I really should start getting some of this school crap done. Only 3 weeks left! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

posted 4:13pm

5.20.05 Alcohol wanted: apply below

*whew* What an incredibly long week I've had. Actually, this whole quarter has been long and drawn out, but it seems like it's all catching up with me now. Luckily, I'm almost finished with school and actually don't have to prepare lesson plans this week. So that is excellent. I'm going to try to go to the Star Wars movie tonight, I'm hoping it won't be sold out. Otherwise I will probably have to watch Monster In Law...which...just isn't going to be the same.

Anyway, tomorrow I am going to some kid's birthday party and then to a comedy club. Shhh..I know you're all jealous but I don't want to hear about it. Oh, in exciting news: I got my Praxis II test results today (for those of you keeping score at home, this is a test I need to pass in order to get my teaching license). I totally passed, again! I blew that stinking test out of the water with a 190/200. The passing score is only 166, so I would safely say that once again I have proven myself to be the best future teacher evar.

posted 4:35pm

5.15.05 tensity

I am tentitively declaring victory over the TECoDDfH. This morning, while slightly hungover, I definitely feel better than yesterday, and much better than the day before that. Se we'll see.

Today's adventure involves applying self-tanner to my face. This could turn out to be a very good thing, or a terrible, horrible thing. I may or may not be making an emergency run to Wal-Mart (or sending someone else to do it) to buy remover tonight. I assume that I will wake up in the morning with a very brown nose or some kind of huge noticeable splotch of tanner on my face, which will just be so embarassing to have to go to school (because I CAN'T miss any more) with this difigurement. Maybe I'll wear like a hat and some clown makeup to cover it up. Or a horribly clashy outfit to distract. I'm thinking that black and white striped shirt and my bright red mini skirt will do the trick nicely. So all of you out there in Katie-land keep your fingers crossed that I don't end up a nasty orange/brown mutant tonight whilst I sleep.

Also: TECoDDfH caused me to lose 5 pounds. Every cloud has a silver lining!

posted 3:42pm

5.14.05 i may already be a winner

I may or may not be writing this from the depths of hell or another nasty afterlife scenario. Last I wrote, I had come down with a nasty cold with a sandy cough. Which then progressed into me lying prostrate in bed for the next four days. I have dubbed this cold The Evil Cold of Deadly Death from Hell, or TECoDDfH for short. Let's chronicle the life of this amazing disease of doom, shall we?

Monday, May 2nd through Friday, May 6th - The Beginning

I have a general feeling of malaise during this period. I am tired, yet not overly tired, and my eyes and nasal cavities appear to be gearing up for some kind of Mardi Gras of snot and unpleasantness. Little did I know that they were actually holding a meeting to elect the new chief resident disease in my body, which at this point was only known as Mildy Annoying Headache and Eye Irritation Cold Thingie.

Saturday, May 7th and Sunday May 8th - The Shivering in the Bed Phase

Well now I have woken up with a hacking, racking cough. Literal tons of phlem and whatnot are pouring from my lungs and nose. (see previous entry for description. I was also beginning to lose my appetite. I consume 1 1/2 piece of Domino's Pizza and go to bed at about 6pm where I stay for approximately the next 22 hours. I huddled shivering under the covers for much of this time. Finally at about 4 on sunday I took some advil which broke the fever. This cold is moving into the God Damn I am Still Sick and Why Won't this Thing Inside Me Just Burst Through My Chest Like in Alien because I Can't Take it Any More.

May 9th - The Day I Didn't Go to School and it was OK by Me

I usually don't like to miss school but I spent pretty much the entire day in bed again. Eating saltine crackers and 7UP because I haven't eaten solid food in 4 days. Little new information at this time regarding the rapidly progressing, still coughing every 5 minutes Evil Cold of Death.

Tuesday, May 10th - Who Stuck this Pencil in my Ear? Day

I had to go to the elementary school today because I can't get behind on hours. So I dragged myself out of bed at whatever godforsaken time to be there at 10:30. It was today that the ECoD decided to bestow me with a stabbing pain in my left ear. DELIGHT! Nothing like having a stabbing pain in your ear, surrounded by 27 screaming 7 year olds, to make you want to hit yourself in the face with a hammer and just end it all right then and there, and I'll tell you that for free. After literally running away when the children went to specials at 1:25, I went home and proceeded to first bang the shit out of my right elbow on the wall, and then I tried to lay down but every time my head got bent more than 50 degrees I was assaulted by yet even more stabbing pain so I just sat on my bed and kinda sniffle cried for a while. Then I took some more advil and life went on. Sadly.

Wednesday, May 11th - I Had to Go to School and it was Mediocre at Best

Coughing continues. Still feel like crap, but at least whatever tiny elf that was stabbing the inside of my ear must be hungover because he isn't tap dancing quite so much this morning on my ear drum. So I went to school and made sad face at anyone who asked if I was feeling better. It was a very long day and the cold was officially known as The Evil Cold That Will Not Die.

Thursday, May 12th - The Day the ECTWND Tricked Me into Eating a Wendy's Hamburger

Well Thursday I was feeling much better, and since I hadn't eaten anything in almost a week, I thought perhaps some food would be a good decision. So my cold told me that it would like to have a wendy's hamburger and a baked potato. I begrudgingly complied as I hoped this was its Last Meal request, and who I am I to be inhumane. So we literally inhaled the food and all was happy happy. I thought, I Shall Overcome.

Friday, May 13th - The Son of a Bitch is Back for Another Round (maybe)

Once again I had to go to the elementary school and once again I felt like crap. This time it was only the ear and my stomach was bothering me. I sadly went through the day thinking I was surely going to have to kill myself afterall but once I got home I was forced to eat more saltine crackers and some soup and I felt Much Better. I went bowling, but by the end of the evening I was Quite Tired and came home and crashed in the bed again.

Saturday, May 14th, or DAY 12

Today I have only the ear (and the coughing) to contend with, as it still feels like it is stuffed with cotton, with only occasional and split second twangs of pain. I think the tiny elf may have suffered a stroke or a seizure and is now in the spastic throws of death. At least I hope that's what he's doing. I don't want to think about the alternatives.

There you have it. A chronicle of my life for the past 12 days in all it's painful, phlemy glory! Don't you wish you could also come down with the Evil Cold of Deadly Death from Hell? I wouldn't want my worst enemy to have this. Anyway, I have a date tonight, hopefully I won't infect him with this. He's such a nice boy, he brought me flowers last Sunday. :)

posted 5:08pm

5.07.05 the lungs of my life are filled with sand

Like my entry title today? I made that up just now! Pretty awesome, huh? I have a little chest cold so I'm coughing up crap and it's starting to hurt like a mofo every time I cough. Kind of like coughing up abrasive little bits of sand. Yes, I know. Very deep. Also: whenever I cough the bottom half of my face gets all tingly and numb feeling. Should I be worried about an ensuing cough-induced stroke or anything? Any doctors reading the page could offer some advice in the box to the left.

Yesterday was our long-awaited bowling banquet. It was very awesome. A lot of people want mom to plan the banquet every year from now on, which I told her they would, but thankfully she just laughed and told them to start thinking about how they're going to top it next year! I won an Old Navy t-shirt and a gift certificate to Olive Garden for my regular prize and then I got called for one of the big prizes and I got like $50 more in gift certificates to various restaurants. Which was nice. And I won the Most Improved Bowler award (+17.01 pins on my average) and got a trophy and everything which was flippin' sweet!

So I got very drunk last night and after the banquet all my friends were LAME and went home (at 9:30. On a friday night. LAME) so me and my mom went to The East End Cafe (a huge dive that my dad always pronounces phonetically like K-A-F) for like 5 seconds to see if some other people from the banquet were still there and they weren't so we went to BW3's and played pool and got even more drunk. I was ready to bust out the Jaeger, but luckily I didn't, but I still managed to throw up a little.

It looks like it is getting ready to rain, which means I won't be washing my car like I was going to, but I don't care because I don't really feel like doing it anyway. I don't have a date tonight so I can just mush all around the house in my size huge sweatpants and my grey t shirt with the dove white paint on it and it will be a killer time.

posted 1:50pm


posted 9:08pm

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood... 4.30

It's a wonderful day in not!sunny Ohio today, with a temperature of about 52 degrees outside. I haven't done much today except clean up a bunch of school shit that was all over the place. I had to teach a lesson on reptiles on thursday and friday and I had reptile books and papers and all kinds of stuff covering the entire floor of my room. Now it's all nice and clean again. On tuesday I went a bought a little baby turtle from the pet store to use in my lesson, to let the kids measure it an see what it looked like and everything. So now I have a turtle.

He's pretty cute but annoying to take care of, what with the water changing all the time. I don't know how long I will end up keeping him for but for now he's nestled comfortably in his little tank.

Let's see..in other news, last night was our last night of league bowling :( But next friday is the banquet and the friday after that we are bowling in a tournament in St. Clairsville, so I won't be in withdrawls too bad. I put a huge-ass scratch across one of the lenses of my glasses the other night. So now I have a lovely white line in my vision all the time that I wear them. Luckily for me I don't wear them that often.

So this is a really boring entry. What can I write to kick it up a notch? Post some suggestions on the chat thingie at your left. (no wib, I won't post boobies)

posted 5:21pm

breathe in, breathe out... 4.21

Whew. I am getting ready to go to the elementary to start my project on pets. I am nervous as hell! This is nothing new, I am always nervous when starting new things...or old things...or anything basically besides sitting in front of my computer makes me nervous. But I think it will be ok. I've never had any problems with kids in the past and even though this is a huge group and the teacher said they would test me and I have no idea how I am going to get them all together to read a story since there is no open area in the room....ok...it's all ok. I view this journal as my way to distract my mind until I have to actually get up and do something, so it's like a little view into my frantic brain. Here are some things that I have been fretting over lately. As in the last five minutes:

* I hope the kids don't act like raving lunatics 15 minutes into the lesson

* I hope I'm not wearing too much makeup

* I hope I remember to put on deodorant

* How the crap am I supposed to do my lesson which involves a large group when they're all sitting at their desks??

* I wish that I could have done this at the other school where I always did my school stuff

* I have to pee and someone's in the bathroom again I hope I can go before I leave because I don't want to have to pee for the next 2 hours

* Uggghhhhhhhhhh

So there you have it. I'm insane. I need medication.

posted 1:43pm

blame it on the rain 4.18

Ahhh, Milli Vanilli. Geniuses. I mean they won a freakin Grammy without having one lick of singing ability. I don't believe it's been duplicated as well since. At least the likes of Britney, Jessica, and Justin screech into the microphones with their own voices, but these guys!! Had someone else sing for them and took all the credit and the Grammy!! Like hell I would have given it back. Can you be arrested for keeping your Grammy after it's been dis-awarded? I bet they could have kept it and put it in the bottom of the closet and pretended that they lost it because they were pretty good liars and I think they could convince everyone it was gone. Then they could get it out, late at night and look at it longingly, the way it reflects light, as their shining beacon of hope that one day they really would break into the music business for real. But then that one dude died from the trauma of all of it, and verily Milli Vanilli was crushed.

So let's have a Monday night update. Let's see. Today I skipped my morning class because it sucks bad and I was tired. Too bad my friend called at 10 to see if I was going to class, because she wasn't either. I guess only like 15 people were there today. It sucks that bad. After I slept in for an extra 2.5 hours, I got ready and went to my afternoon class. And it was nice to not be filled with dread and panic over the fact that I didn't have a placement teacher and goddamnitmotherfucker why won't that bitch call me back....because my mom's friend will let me do it in her class. AND mom also said she might be able to get her other friend to be my "expert visitor" or at least give me some shit that I can learn them there kids with. Then I went to BW3's alone and I had some chicken finger things with medium spicy sauce and some potato wedges. Which were freshly fried, oily and delicious. While I was there I watched the World's Strongest Man competition for a while. It was pretty impressive. Then curling came on so I threw all my food away and went away. Curling is teh suxxor. Then I thought I had better go walk off some of those calories so I went to the fitness trail and walked 2 miles. Then I went to the library and checked out 20 books about pets, and then I came home. Whew, what a full day.

Tomorrow I have to get all !!!PEPPY AND ENTHUSIASTIC!!! because I have to go to the elementary school and do something. I hope I don't have to do anything really, just stand around and say things like "No, I don't know how to spell it" and "Why don't we all have a moment of silence for the poor starving Pygmies in New Gunea. No, it hasn't been a minute yet. Do you know how to tell time? It will be a minute when I SAY it's been a minute." I think that sounds really fun. It's when I have to actually start teaching that I will have to be !! PEPPY AND EXCITING AND ENTHUSIASTIC!!!.

So, yeah. It's like not even 10 yet and I am thinking about going to bed. What a wussy I am.

posted 9:48pm

got my mind set on you 4.9

I'm really really really bored. I'm so bored that I am posting about how bored I am, so I can bore other people. I'm beginning to bore myself to a critical level right now, I don't know if I will even be able to complete this entry. But, if I click away this window there is nowhere else to go. No one is online. No one has emailed me in four days, not even spammers. No one calls my cell phone, I haven't even had a wrong number in 3 days! Where is everyone?! Why aren't you entertaining me??



I just got another wrong number. Here I was, sitting peacefully in the computer lab, when my phone began to ring. I though "YES! Someone is calling me! I sure hope it is some teacher that wants to tell me that I can come in and teach in their classroom!" so I answered it. And I got this "Heyyyy!!" and I was all "Hello?" and then "Hey! Hello?" and at this point, I am aware of the fact that this is, a wrong number. I'm quite skilled at recognizing such things, as I get wrong numbers all. the. time. So, I say "Uh, I think you have the wrong number" and then the person just goes "Uhhhhhhhhhhh sorry" and then they start making this noise like they are choking on something. Like "Huuuuhgghhh hugghhh huggh" at which point I shut the phone off because I don't know what in the hell is wrong with them.

posted 5:00pm

uhhhh....wrong number...FOOL! 4.5

I always get the most interesting calls on my cell phone. Apparently I am on both a bathroom stall in a bar and a bathroom stall in an elementary school because I am all the time getting messages from drunks and little kids. And they always leave a message. There's one woman, named Anita, who left me two messages in one day. I know her name because she said "Oh, hi Katie, this is Anita. You don't know me, I called a wrong number. Ok, bye!". About 2 minutes later she called, and left another message, and by this time I felt like we were old friends and she had accidentally hit the wrong number on her speed dial. It was like "Hey Katie! It's Anita again! Sorry about the wrong number...again!". Nice. Whatever lady called me tonight didn't leave her name, which is a pity, because I think I am going to start storing my wrong numbers in the phone book so they pop up and say "Wrong number Anita calling" and I can pick it up and be all like "Hey Anita! What's up! Oh by the way, this is a wrong number! KBYE!" and take solace in the fact that I have just confused Anita to no end.

The other night, I got called no fewer than 3 times by some little girl, who has called and left me messages on previous occasions. I know it's the same one, because the message always starts out the same way, with this little girl screeching into the phone "KATIE?? Katie?!" because clearly she was not expecting this name, yet has not grown up to the point where you have that conversation internally, instead she shares all of her confused thoughts with me. So the other night, she left this message. "Katie?! KATIE??!! Then proceeded to launch into a good 2 minutes of making fart noises with her mouth, into the phone. Now, this is all cute and everything, but in the background I can hear adult voices. Do these people just hand their child a phone and let her dial willy-nilly? Or am I actually programmed into the phone as someone this child can call and entertain herself with my voicemail? I think I shall program her in as the "Screeching KATIE KATIE wrong number child". At least this way I won't get my hopes up that the call might actually be for me. I always think it's funny to show my friends the fact that, more often than not, the top ten received calls on my phone are about 60% wrong numbers.

In other news, I actually did change the background crap on this site. It's all nice and kinda dreary for Spring, and I can safely say that it probably will not last the month, but it's a little better than the blue snowflakes crap that I had before. It's a picture of my kitty at the top, snoozing on the grill. He's such a damnit cute little bastard, sometimes I can't stand it. Today we played tag and "chew on the stick" in the yard for about 6 minutes before he got just completely worn out, because you know, he had such a long day at the office. Working on the perfect way to meow so that you just think he's not been fed in MONTHS! Months I tell you! And also practicing the perfect moment to launch himself at your legs while you are walking...anywhere..in order to take you down while not ending up with someone laying on top of him.

Today I learned some terribly exciting karate moves and how to tell someone's fist "Hey! Time out!" if they're trying to punch you or grab or something. I always leave that class secretly hoping that someone will try to punch me so I can try out the moves. Apparently, my mom said this is a good skill for me to have, because when I get all drunk'n'mouthy at the bowling alley and someone eventually takes a swing at me, I will hopefully be able to defend myself. I like hearing all the stories about how I "almost got into a fight with Traci" and about that time when "that guy was really really pissed and he kept glaring at me and he turned around three times to glare at me and she thought for sure I was going to get taken down and he was real big and she just wasn't sure she wanted to fight him for me". I don't rememeber any of this, but I guess I get quite the little bitchy mouth on me when I get a few Smirnoff Raspberry Twists in me gullet.

Well, it's probably time to get off of this computer and do some schoolwork or something. Probably something more than anything.

posted 10:04pm

additional thoughts 4.4

at some point I really want to change from this snowy background. mark your calendars to see just how long it will take me to do that.

you gonna eat your tots?

Random Notables That Have Occured Since the Last Time I Posted an Entry:

-Bowling Tournament: Saturday and Sunday were spent in the sprawling metropolis of Lima, Ohio, where we enjoyed a scenic BLIZZARD on the drive up. From Newark to Lima there was nothing but a wall of freaking snow. So that was enjoyable, mom was so stressed out by the time we got there she immediately began drinking heavily. I tried to stay somewhat sober to regulate my bowling, but that didn't help and I ended up bowling like LE CRAP, but, who gives a shit. I got a fancy tie-dye bowling towel with some words about the tournament on it, so my life is basically complete right there.

-School started again: Bleh. Lots of boring ass crapwork and some lame ass project crapwork and some observation crapwork that I have to get done this quarter. But soon....yes quite soon..I will be all done and ready for my student teaching in the fall. Let's all cross our fingers that I can get into this school and that they will call me back tomorrow because I just really don't feel like calling all over hell's half acre trying to find a placement, mmkay?

-Quite tired: Yes, I am very tired at this point. Although I went to bed last night at 8pm, and woke up this morning, still feeling tired at 9am, I am tired again. So I will now be leaving to get some more sleep because I am clearly just not getting enough of something to keep me awake. And I have lost all interest in even making these sentences make sense anymore. So....blishfas gs iahslf sgfuias bju hsuifasha basufiasfha sf;asiufasifasghas dgbsayuafiuyhf asihfuis fsahgfuishf isuahfuisa fiuahsf hsufa;sufha;sfhuas ;kfh.

bdisjey 1:20am


I feel like crap. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, people are always giving me shit. Nothing I can do is right for them. I am the most stupid and worthless person on the planet. All I want is for someone to like me and all I do is drive people away. My best is nothing. I hate myself. All I do is cause problems and make people mad.

posted 10:14pm

1,2 step 3.21

Ugh. Today was the most boring day on the intarweb ever. No one was online, no one was posting anything other than flamewars about Terri Shiavo. *snore*. I visited like all of my bookmarks, and there was nothing on tv. It was too cold to go outside and play, so yeah. It was good times. Except for the 1 minute that my boyfriend was here to return my jacket, and I had to frantically find some clothes to put on and brush my hair since I was in some hokey pajama shorts and a crooked-ass ponytail when the doorbell rang. That was exciting stuff right there.

Although who am I to complain? Even if there had been something exciting to do I probably wouldn't have wanted to since I am hungover and since I have had fun the past two nights in a row. The other couple we went with were really awesome and I liked them a lot - so I hope we can all go out and do something together again some time lol. I sang a karaoke song all by myself, and no one ran screaming from the room so I assume I did an ok job. Yep. Goooooood stuff.

Exciting itinerary for Spring Break 2005: 1. get hair highlighted (with possible trim). 2. dust my bric a brac 3. that's pretty much it.

posted 1:27 am

201 3.19

Last night I got a 201 score in bowling! It was so awesome. The first two games were like total crap, 110 and 128, and then something clicked. In the 3rd game I threw 4 strikes in a row for the first 4 frames, then I got some more strikes and spares later on. I wasn't even thinking about it at all, just getting up there and throwing it the exact same way every time. I knew I would have a good game but I didn't even think I would get close to a 200. I quit even looking at the score after the 5th frame, and no one said anything to me. Finally I got up there for the last frame and my mom said "Just throw it down the middle baby" to me. I got up and threw and got 9. Then I picked up the spare and threw one more ball and got 8 pins and I heard my mom clapping and yelling. I stood there and looked at the score thing until the 201 popped up on the screen and then I screamed and jumped up and down!! I got a huge hug from my mom. She said everyone was telling her to calm down because they thought she was going to have a heart attack wondering whether I would get a 200 or not. Everyone was so nice and clapped for me, and they announced my name over the loudspeaker for getting my first 200 game. How freakin' exciting!

Right now I am getting ready to go out to a local comedy club. I hope it's funny!

posted 6:19 pm

beware the ides of march 3.15

When I was in high school I used to get a copy of Julius Caesar from the library and try to read it, but I never got all the way through. I did it like every summer too. Just sit out on the deck and read it. Yep, it was pretty awesome. Anyway, it's finals week so I am chillin like a villan because I am so fantastically smart that all my finals are a breeze and I already have like an A+++ in every class so it's like totally no big deal. For real.

I think I am going to buy that movie Napoleon Dynamite. I really think it's funny. Quesa-DILLA!

Uh anyway I don't have anything interesting to talk about. I am a bowling fiend, regularly outscoring everyone else in the building, including the men, and pretty much all of the PBA scouts come to watch me every week. And plus like every guy at the bowling alley just buys me beer like all the time, even the gay ones because I am so pretty and awesome. And I have about 300 phone numbers in my desk.

For real.

posted 11:35 pm

in like a damn lion 3.1

Hi Serge! (I thought I would address it directly to you since I think you're the only person who reads this site...) How's the weather? It's snowing here. Yep, lots of snow. I've just finished eating a chicken salad sandwich and am considering another one. I'm drinking some Strawberry Gatorade too. Yep. I have a cold, so that kinda sucks.

hmmm, this is week 9 of the quarter, so one more week and finals and then it will be SPRING BREAK '05 BABY! Not like that means anything though. Yes, it will still be cold as shit in Ohio for Spring Break. Yeah, I am going to go make myself another sandwich. Hold the line...

Ok good, another sandwich has been prepared. Mmmm...sandwichy. So I am still good at bowling, this week I had some pretty good scores which I can't remember at the moment, but my average is up to 121 so that rocks. I have been going out with someone for two weeks, the doubtful email guy, and things are going well. So that's nice. I really don't have anything to talk about that's interesting....so I hope you weren't coming here to be entertained. Hopefully you were like "oh geesh I am sooo tired..I need something really super mega boring to put me to sleep" and you clicked here, and you were like "ahhhh...sweet calming relief" and you went right to bed. That would be perfect.

posted 10:09 pm

fabulocity 2.18

Today and yesterday have been Good Days! Yesterday I got the results of a test I took in order to get my teaching license, and I passed with flying colors! So awesome! Then today I had to go down and teach something about President's Day to the kindergarteners, and they liked, and the classroom teacher said that I did a good job! She even took a copy of the handout that I had made to use again later! AWESOME!!!

In a little while I'm going bowling! I hope my friends are all there, but if not I will still have a good time! Bowling rocks! I am getting ever closer to a 200 game every week. Last week I had a 183, 161, 121 and that was just about the best I have ever done so...SWEET.

posted 2:41 pm

she left the suds in the bucket and the clothes hanging out on the line... 2.13

Meh. I am bored, but at the same time there are about 100 things I could be doing for school. But I can't bring myself to do any of it. Today I spent a while trying to think of something for the kids to do for President's Day. I think I am going to read them a book and have them color pictures of Lincoln and Washington. Pretty lame but I think it will go over alright. I just need to find some good book to read to them tomorrow. I am so glad to finally get into a classroom so I can get my stuff done. Takes a lot of the stress out of life when you realize it's week 7 and you're not even in a classroom yet!

Anyway, tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Blech. I hope I don't have to deal with anyone being all nice and lovey dovey or I might puke. Things are once again barren on my love life horizon but I just don't care anymore. Whatever. I don't feel like dealing with any dude's CRAP just so I can have a Valentine. So there. Maybe I will have a nice candlelight dinner with my cat LOL. He would sure enjoy the attention, anyway.

posted 7:28 pm

heeeeeeee haw 2.3

I had a swell week. I got to hang out with my friends a lot and we all acted really goofy. I even went to a basketball game at school. Yep, me and like 20 other people came out to support the teams DESPITE the 300 fliers that were passed out the day before. Sure do have a lot of go-getters at my school. Anyway, their loss. Off topic, my hand feels weird. My fingers are really cold, but there's one spot on the top of my hand that is really really hot. I feel like my hand might spontaneously combust. I wonder why that is??

I still haven't heard from my classroom teacher, so I decided that I am going to ask my professor to set me up with someone to observe. I guess if she can't find 5 minutes to call me in 2 weeks, then she must be too busy for me to come down. That's ok though, because I really do need to get into some other rooms and some other grades to see more of a variety of teaching methods. This will hopefully turn out to be a good thing.

posted 11:21 pm

Error 405: no interesting title to display 1.28

I'm really bored. I haven't done anything today but sit around and wait for someone to call, and she never did, and it's annoying. Remember the last time I needed to go down to the elementary school to observe (just pretend you've read this page before)? Anyway, I'm waiting around again for the school to get back to me, and I really wanted to go down there today to interview, but for whatever reason I didn't get called back this morning. Now I have an interview due in the morning which I don't know what to do about. So yeah. Aside from that there is nothing going on and it's boring. I am getting ready to go bowling though, so at least there's something. But there won't be any drinking or karaoke this week for me! And then I can come home and go to bed because I have class at 9 tomorrow morning. Sure isn't anything in this world that I enjoy more than having a class on a saturday morning. No sir, I sure do love getting up on satruday mornings and going in to school. Yep. I hate sleeping in on the weekends anyway.

posted 4:42 pm

ua mau ke ea o ka aina i ka pono o hawaii 1.24

Boy was I in one of my moods today! I just had no patience for anyone at all! Someone brought their little kid to my math class, and he was making a bunch of noise and talking, and it was really distracting. My opinion is, that if you can't find someone to watch your kid, then you need to stay at home. I don't pay all that tuition money to listen to your kid sing/play/make noise, etc. while I am trying to learn. I don't get why people think it's ok to just bring their kids along to class?? Do they really think that if they miss one class they are going to fail or something? Anyway, after that I had to go re-take a math quiz again, for the 4th time. If I don't pass it this time I only have one more chance to pass it or I am going to get an F in my math class and I will have to drop it. I think this is pretty fuckin' gay that I can't pass this easy quiz! I just keep making little mistakes and stuff, like not adding right. It's really starting to make me aaaaannngrrryyyyyy (ohhh scary!).

Then I had to go to a meeting at school, which was ok, because there was pizza and some of my friends were there so I had someone to talk to. The meeting iteself was kind of a waste of time, no one accomplished anything, I don't think. I wasn't really paying attention because it was boring and stupid.

posted 9:10 pm

I'll say it too, you've got a new favorite...1.22

I've been listening to Alison Krauss & Union Station's Live album just about non-stop since I bought it on thursday. It's one of those great cd sets where you actually like most of the songs. If you've got a spare $16 I suggest you try it out, you'll not be dissapointed!

Also, to update the boy department, I decided not to email my ex. I am just not in the mood to date anyone right now, and I don't want to stir things up if I'm not going to be able to follow through. That, and I'm half afraid that his sisters will beat me up if I try anything ;D

I never said anything about Christmas on here either. I had a fantastic christmas! I got a lot of clothes, a digital camera with a printer dock, the Sims 2, a new bowling ball and bag, a wireless keyboard and mouse, a massage chair thing, a new coat, a ring, and some earrings. It was totally boss!

posted 8:19 pm

rain delay 1.16

It's been a long month since I last updated! A lot of Ohio has recently been flooded because of just incessant rains, which finally stopped. Today it snowed again, and it's really cold outside. So cold that my mom let my kitty go stay inside the trailer. Everyone keep your fingers crossed that he doesn't crap on anything over there or he might will definitely be killed by my mom. Anyway, I am back in school again, taking 20 hours this quarter so I am super busy. I've got all these projects and other busywork, etc. to take up a bunch of my time so I don't have much left except for eating and sleeping! Woo sleep! I've also been sick the past week, I don't know if I ate something bad or what but I have felt like the walking dead for a while now, but today I started to feel better.

So let's see, what else is going on with me..bowling, that was great. I am getting better with a new ball that I got for Christmas. Hopefully one of these days I will go pro ;) Anyway, I learned some interesting things from my friend Cindy on friday night. I was surprised to find that my ex-boyfriend from over the summer is not dating anyone and apparently he really, really liked me, and he would probaly be more than willing to start things up with me again. So there's some thinking to be done in that department. I have to say that out of all of my boyfriends (yes, all 4 of them) ((since highschool)) he was the best one. The more I think about it the more perfect he seemed to be, or maybe that's just because I am comparing him to the other 3 dolts that I have been associated with. Sometimes I sit around and think about them and just shake my head - so NOT the right guys for so many reasons!

Hmm...in other news, I went shopping yesterday and got a crap-load of new clothes that I am going to wear to school, so that will be at least a tiny incentive to get up each day and go...uh, aside from that stinkin' degree that I am working towards. I can finally see now why people go out and get those diplomas matted and put into a nice frame - a lot of work went into it! It should be proudly displayed! Maybe I will make copies of mine so I can hang one in every room! LOL.

posted 10:50 pm


rockin' around the christmas tree... december 14

Notes from this week:

1. I have to get up really F'n early all week to go to my Phys. ed class, to learn how to teach kiddies PE. Only problem here is that I am (hopefully) not going to be a PE teacher, so it's kind of a waste of time.

2. I exercised today. It was ok. I didn't die, so that's good. I guess I should do it more often since it's good for your heart and prevents all kinds of diseases and crap.

3. There was too much cabbage in my vegetable soup. And I ate that a long time ago and I am hungry again.

4. It snowed today and it was really pretty outside when the sun came out, there was white snow and a beautiful blue sky.

That's all I got. I'm listening to a loud song and trying to get myself to do one of these lesson plans for the PE class. I have to teach my class on saturday how to do something with racquets or paddles. Whatever. Too bad there aren't any cute guys in the class I could joke with about spanking ;(

posted 6:25 pm

you better watch out...

blah blah blah entry deleted!

posted 2:44 pm

deck the halls... - december 1

I spent the day putting up the christmas tree at my house today. This year it's in the new dining room in the back of the house, which is kind weird, because it has always been in front of the windows in the living room. People will drive by this year and think we're not having a tree ;) I wish we could have a real tree though, so the house would smell like pine, and also the tree is supposed to be a symbol that life will continue through the winter, so a fake tree is a little dumb. One year, we actually did have a real tree, and it feel over on Christmas Day, and everyone's presents got covered in sap, and it was a pain to clean up and everything, so we just have the fake one. I should get a bunch of those pine tree air fresheners and hang them on the tree to make it smell piny! Ok, that would be stupid.

I watched The Real Gilligan's Island tonight too. I'm usually not real big into reality shows, but this one was failry entertaining so I watched it. I don't know if I will make it a point to tune in, but the pilot was alright. I know I don't like the bleach blond millionaire's wife, she is a major bigot. And the other millionaire wife looks like Charisma Carpenter, and they seem a lot nicer so I hope they get to stay on, but I bet the other lasy will stay because she makes the show interesting. They already kicked off the gay guy that was on there, which I thought was interesting, because it seems like now you have to have a token gay along with the token minorities on any show.

posted 1:34 am

boss - november 27

Well, I bowled REALLY well. I was above my average, one game in the 120's and two games in the 130's. It was superior. THEN I went into the bar at the bowling alley and....I sang karaoke! For the first time in my life, and it wasn't as monumental as I thougt it would be, but I am so happy that I did it. I went up with the 2 girls from my team and we sang "Goodbye Earl" by the Dixie Chicks, and my mom even said that it didn't make her ears bleed LOL. So that was boss and cool. I guess that is one more thing to cross off the To-Do list.

So right now I am starving. I don't know what I'm in the mood for, but it is the middle of the night so I can't get into some monumental undertaking in the kitch. I don't wanna wake anyone up. I was kinda thinking that tomorrow I would go on a road trip of some kind. I don't know where I'm going to go. I kind of think that it would be awesome to just drive west as far as I can stand before I turn back. I've never been to Indiana, really never been west of Ohio, so if I do it I would drive to Indiana just so that I could say I've been there. I should buy a new battery for my camera and take a bunch of pictures to prove I was there. I think that would be really cool. If nothing else, I would like to at least drive myself to Newark or Columbus and find some stores and do a little shopping for Christmas. Just something to get out on my own and explore. We'll see, maybe I'll just spend the day at home again.

posted 3:15 am

expletive deleted - november 26

Some people are assholes. That about sums it up.

I am going to throw my bowling ball extra hard, and pretend the headpin is your face, dickhead.

posted 4:50 pm

Happy Thanksgiving! - november 25

I hope everyone gets massive amounts of Turkey and all the fixin's today! I know I will enjoying a feast of Ridiculous Proportions? this afternoon! Holy crap! It's 2 in the morning! How am I going to get up and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade tomorrow at 9?? Maybe I will.....STAY UP ALL NIGHT!! That always works until about 7 am, and then I fall asleep, and the whole plan is ruined.

posted 2:15 am

OMFG Motorola! - november 23

Ok, I am trying to order something from motorola.com, and I am just about ready to scream. Their website SUCKS! It is soooo slow, and almost impossible to get a page to load at all. I don't know how I am going to get this faceplate ordered before christmas. I can honestly say that I could still be sitting here, on December 24th without having successfully ordered this damn faceplate. And there aren't any like it on ebay, and the ones at the store are about 10 more expensive. I guess if worse comes to worse, I will have to spend the extra 10 bucks and just buy it at the store.

posted 11:47 pm

i dunno - november 20

I went out and put in an application at Old Navy today to see if I can work there over winter break. I thought it would be nice to have something to do and make some money. Maybe some of my old friends will still be working there, but I am hoping to make a little bit of cash to get me through the winter. It's nice to be able to live at home but I think I should be doing something to contribute around here a little bit, especially when I'm not in school.

Well, we'll see if they even ask me to come back. Someone's supposed to be looking at the application and calling me back. I only about half filled it out anyway! I don't really guess I care either way now that I think about it, LOL! Hope everyone has a nice Thanksgiving!!

posted 8:31 pm

22 is teh hotness!11one - november 17

Woo! Today is my birthday! I've already got some cool gifts from my friends, but I don't get to open the family ones until later. I feel like a little kid :D I got a rubber stamp in the mail today that says "I haven't got time to read this CRAP" which I am stamping all over everything. I think it would be funny to stamp it on homework and exams and stuff, but some of my professors probably won't think it's as funny as I do. They should live a little ;)

posted 3:32 pm

overcoming procrastination - november 15

Ok, I'm over yesterday's trauma. PMS is really a killer for me! I will just be sitting around, watching t.v. or something, and some Hallmark commerical will come on, and suddenly I will just start crying and be like, "Oh, I'll be alone forever!!". It's ridiculous. Anyway, whatever. It's a new day. There is pizza on my horizon, and any day with free pizza is a good day to me.

In other news, I am really bored, and starving right now, but the free pizza isn't until 12, so I have an hour and a half. All the people in this lab seem to be wearing about half a bottle of cologne, and it's giving me a major headache. I guess it's too early in the day for it all to have worn off yet. Maybe they think the same thing about my perfume. Who knows?

posted 10:30 am

new realizations - november 14

I'm sitting here and there is so much that I want to type, but I can't seem to get it all together into anything cohesive. Right now it's just a huge jumble of emotionally charged statements. I've got a storm of indignation, anger, hurt, and confusion swirling together with a weird new realization of how my actions have affected other people. In my past, I realize, I have treated people like absolute dirt even when I thought I was protecting their feelings. Somehow I thought I was so special that another person would be devastated to be rejected by me, so I made myself such that they would want to reject me. How stupid I was. I don't know if broadcasting their failings over Broadway would have been worse than casting them aside like a piece of trash.

Although I doubt anyone I actually know will read this: I want to apologize to the people that I have hurt. Especially Travis. Today I learned what it must have been like for him to wonder what the hell he did to me to make me act the way I did. I wasn't capable of being a grown-up and just telling him what I was feeling, so I just started ignoring him, not picking up the phone, and basically became a frigid bitch. I thought that this scheme would make him want to break up with me and spare me having to deal with my feelings. Wow. Could I have been any more immature?

I can't believe that I could cause someone to feel like I feel right now. I couldn't muster up enough respect for someone, for a couple of people, to give them the straight about what was going on with me, so I ignored them, and hoped they'd go away. Well, recently I found out what it's like to get hit with that train wreck of a relationship strategy. For some reason, (still unknown to me) I was deemed unworthy of continuing a relationship with, and I was cast aside. I was ignored in the halls and my phone stopped ringing. Finally, I took the hint and initiated the formal "breaking up" proceedings, if for no other reason than that I was tired of trying to explain to myself and my friends why I wasn't talking to my boyfriend any more. Now, let's get something straight, this was only a relationship of about two months, not like we were picking out rings or anything, but I guess I still expected more than what I came out with here.

So what I found out today was, that his feelings had changed a few weeks ago. So apparently, he really has just been waiting around for me to get the hint and get lost. So at the same time that I feel really angry, I also now finally understand that I have got to stop doing the same thing to other people. Although my feelings are mildly hurt at the rejection, I am glad that I learned a meaningful life lesson here, and hopefully I will not treat another human being like I have been treated, and I like I have treated people in the past. It's amazing that in one moment, I can finally understand why all those ex-boyfriends called me names with the firey passion that they did, and I realize that I deserved it.

So once again, I am sorry. I sincerely hope that I can apply this new knowledge and alter my behavior in the future.

posted 7:21 pm

BONANZA! - november 12

Ok, there is so much noise at my house right now. My dad is downstairs listening to some hella loud music, and I am listening to music, and my mom is watching t.v., and it's like noise overload. I just got home from Wal-Mart and bowling. I bowled like shit the first two games, but managed to have a 141 the last game, so that was better. I spent most of my time playing with my friend's little 6 year old daughter so I wasn't concentrating (that sounds like a good excuse, right?). Mom said it was a good thing I am going to be a teacher because I seem to be a magnet for kids. I had never met this little girl before tonight, and after three hours it was like we were long lost sisters or something. My teammate said it was because I was friendly and not scary, which I for some reason found hilarious. The truth about my bowling is that I didn't have anything to drink tonight, and that screwed me all up. I apparently need to be about three sheets to the wind in order to bowl well. There's always next week for that!

Tomorrow is my big shindig here at the house, some of my friends are coming over and some other people and we're having a fire and lots of food and libations. It should be a lot of fun, but even if it isn't, I'll probably be drunk so I won't care ;)

Only two more days of classes before finals start. I am really looking forward to getting this quarter over with and having time to celebrate the season and be with my family. It doesn't seem like I have seen them in about three months and that bugs me. Plus, my birthday is next wednesday! Going on the big 2-2. Way too old. I don't feel a day over 17, and really the only thing that is different about me now is that I do tend to drink a lot more now than I did then lol.

posted 11:44 pm

Ponderosa perfume - november 6

Hey! Cool! Freewebs supports Firefox now, so I can edit my page without using IE. Now all I need is for sniz to switch to a chatroom that works with Firefox, and I can delete IE completely. Anyway, it's a cool editor.

So, I went to Ponderosa tonight for dinner with my family. I went in with low expectations, and wasn't dissapointed. Actually, the salad was really good, but the steak wasn't so hot. And now I stink like Ponderosa. I hate that. I've also developed a cough, I don't know where it came from but now I seem like I have a chest cold. Weird.

I had a really good time bowling last night, although I had completely too much to drink. It was funny when I was trying to play pool, and I dropped my pool stick and had to hold onto the side of the table to keep from falling down. Oh well. It was a lot of fun anyway.

posted 8:16 pm

november rain - november 4

Well, this certainly has been a sucky week. How dissapointed I am that John Kerry didn't win the election. I just don't understand why people would vote for Bush. I don't think a lot of them took the time to think about the issues in the election, and rather focused on all the negative slanderous campaign ads that were flying around. So now we'll see just how many more freedoms will be taken away in the next four years. Even more frightening, George Bush will be responsible for appointing new justices to the Supreme Court. So we could be looking at losing some of the basic rights that we have enjoyed for many decades, such as the right to have an abortion, and we could lose a golden opportunity in the area of medical research if stem cell research continues to be thwarted. I don't think people realize the tremendous opportunity we're losing there: we could find cures or effective treatments for Alzheimer's, Autism, Crohn's Disease, AIDS, Cancer, and who knows what else? I guess something as important as that isn't worth any sacrifice.

I was also dissapointed to see that 10 of the 11 states voting on the gay rights issue voted for a CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT to ban marriage except for between a man and a woman. What the hell guys? How are those people hurting you? How are two people who are in love going to hurt you? They aren't. You're just being closed-minded. I get so sick and tired of people pressing their morals and their beliefs on other people. What's next? Should we go back to the old days, where a black person was not allowed to marry a white one? Or even more, how about we reintroduce slavery, using Muslims this time? They aren't good for anything are they? I certainly hope you can see the slippery slope we are sliding down here by putting this stuff in the constitution. I just don't see how it's going to hurt you.

Aside from all of that, I have also had a long and tiring week at school. I didn't get much sleep all week, and there just wasn't anything to pick me up. Tomorrow night I go bowling, and I think I'll see maybe just how drunk I can get to forget about all the shit that has gone down this week.

My thoughts go out to Senator Edwards and his wife, Elizabeth. I hope that you have a successful treatment and are happy and healthy for many more years. Blessed be.

Live Strong

posted 11:35 pm

treat - october 30

Sooo...I'm still in a bad mood. But I wanted to get on and remind everyone of Daylight Savings time tonight, so remember to turn your clocks back on hour tonight before you go to bed. And also I wanted to wish everyone a Happy Halloween. Be careful, please don't smash any little kids' pumpkins, and get lots of candy.

posted 4:55 pm

trick - october 27

First off, I would like to say that I am in a really bad mood, and have been for several days now. I have no idea what my problem is but I just hate everything. Ugh. I just want to go into a cave and not come out forever.

Second, I just read an article about the Animal Shelter banning the adoption of black cats until November because people who get them now tend to abuse them or even kill them. I have to say, that if you do that you are one seriously sick person. Anyone who would adopt a black cat for the sole purpose of tormenting it, just because it is Halloween, is messed up. If I found out someone I knew was doing that, there would be major hell to pay.

I want school to be over. I want to sleep, and eat, and be merry instead of doing all this crap.

posted 7:39 pm

ad nauseum - october 24

Well, I had a pretty good day. I spent the whole day shopping with my mommy. She bought some really cute clothes for herself, some really cute clothes for me, and some kick ass stuff for me for my birthday. I don't know if I can wait another 25 days to get it!! Plus there will be other things, surprise things. Things, these things I love.

Downside today: I ate some grody Sbarro pizza and it made me all nauseus, so on top of the cold I was feeling pretty chaffed today. I just added a new definition of the word chaffed, and it means this: feeling seriously sick and puky from eating Sbarro pizza. I'm not eating that pizza ever again. Plus, since I was all sick and puky, and the J-Man was out with his friend Big L, we didn't get to "hang out" or anything! It sucked!! So I watched Secret Window with my mom. Let me tell you, that is a pretty good movie. It kept me guessing until the end!

Soo...I don't know what's on the agenda for tomorrow. I think I'll work on all these papers I've got due this week, and help my mom make some Halloween decoration for my grandma, and then I will watch tv and go to sleep. I don't really want to get up on Monday and go to ceramics. I bet my teapot that I started working on is all dried up and messed up and I'm going to have to start over since it's been there a week now! Hahaz!!!

posted 12:25 am

keep it between the lines - october 17

I hope it doesn't bother anyone that 98% of the time, the titles before my posts don't relate in any way to what I post about. I just write the first thing that pops into my head, and I'm not so sure it's helpful but I find it amusing. Anyway, there's nothing about driving or coloring to ensue in my post today, in case you're wondering.

So here's how my weekend's going. Friday I went bowling, and I did pretty well! I had a 118, 128, and a 145, which is substantially better than the last few weeks. I threw the ball a little differently, seemed to help me pick up a few more strikes. I think I'm gonna go out some time this week if I get time and try to work on getting my spares. My friends were there but they were all tired and grumpy so we didn't go out to eat afterwards, so that kinda sucked. And half of our team isn't going to be there next week or the week after, so we'll get done pretty quick.

Saturday I cleaned up the house and then Josh came over and we watched The Butterfly Effect, which was a pretty freaky movie but it was entertaining to watch. I rented Gothika too, so I might watch that tonight or tomorrow.

Today I've been working on homework. I'm outlining a chapter about adolescent pregnancy, and it's pretty boring. It's funny though, it made me remember that when I turned 20, I was like "Whew! Now I'll never be a teen mother!" Isn't that hilarious? I also went over and walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes. Anyone reading this who knows me, please pick your jaw up off the floor. I'm trying to get into a little better shape, ok? :) LOL, and we'll see how long it is before I got over and get on that thing again!

Alright, so that's my exciting weekend. I know you enjoyed reading about it.

posted 7:15 pm

jeopardy! - october 10

You guys know what? I wish Ken Jennings would quit winning Jeopardy! I think he's won enough money and she should just let someone else win for a change. He could be on that show for 50 years! I think Ken could be the downfall of Jeopardy. He'll just keep winning and winning, and everyone will quit watching, and there goes a show that has been on the air for 20 years, all because of Ken Jennings. He should be ashamed of himself! Anyway, that's my take on the Jeopardy situation.

I have certainly had a busy week! I went to school and had a couple tests, and then on Friday I went golfing...and according to Josh I did a really good job! We didn't keep score so I don't know how I did in that respect, but I did hit several drives really well. Maybe with some more practice I will get better :) I also went bowling friday night and let's just say that I wish my bowling score would have been my golfing score. I got an 89 on the last game! That is so terrible! I think I need to lay off the booze just a little bit in order to keep my game.

Yesterday I went out to dinner at Applebee's with Mr. Josh again, and I got this piece of chicken that looked like it was a foot long! I don't think I want to see what kind of chicken this possibly could have come from. Some mutant chicken destined to take over the world, probably. Then we got a movie and went back to his house to watch it. We were told that "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" was a really great movie, but I didn't think so. It was so slow moving and kinda weird. Maybe it was too deep for me.

On the other hand,
is a video I could understand. It's another installment from JibJab, the guys who made "This Land is Our Land" starring Bush and Kerry. This one is "It's Good to be in DC". Turn your speakers up and prepare to laugh!!

Tomorrow begins another week! I wonder what will lay in store for me?

i hung a dung fung u nung jung o sung hung :) hung o pung e yung ou dung i dung tung oo!

posted 5:00 pm

Magical Trevor - october6

Everyone loves magical Trevor 'cause the tricks that he does are so ever so clever, look at him now, dissapearing a cow. Where is the cow? Hidden right now. Taking a bow, it's magical Trevor. Everybody's seen that the trick is clever. Look at him there with his leathery, leathery whip. It's made of magic and with a little flip - yeah yeah yeah the cow is back! Yeah yeah yeah the cow is back back back back from its magical journey! What did he see? In the parallel dimension? He saw beans, lots of beans, lots of beans, lots of beans. Oh beans, lots of beans, lots of beans, lots of beans, lots of beans, yeah yeah! - Click here to watch the video

So wow, I had like a really great day today! It didn't start off so great, I was in ceramics this morning and I worked on the pottery wheel for 3 hours and my pots fell apart. So I didn't get any fancy pants pots on a wheel today :( I kind of feel like I wasted the time since I don't have anything to show for it except some clay on my pants. Anyway, on to the good stuff. I had the best time this afternoon "studying" for a test! LOL, these girls I was sitting with are the funniest people, we were all rolling with laughter almost the whole time. I even think it helped because the test didn't seem too bad. Watch now I'll get it back and have failed it. That would sucksky.

Tomorrow is the last day of school for the week and I'm going down to do some more observation at the kindergarten. Should be fun! Friday I'm going golfing...this should be an adventure. I went golfing once before and I just ended up throwing the ball on the green and putting it. Maybe going with someone who knows what he's doing will help me do better. Either that or I can play with the ball washer again. Either way, it sounds like fun! And that will be followed by drunken bowling! Woo!! I have resolved myself that I will have a good time, and I will not get all pissy if I bowl "bad" - because I look forward to bowling all week and then I get mad. So there. I will be happy.

posted 8:14 pm

iced pumpkin bars - october 2

Another saturday winding to a close. I've been home all day, just hanging out. I don't feel all that great (again) - my knee hurts from falling down, my back hurts for unknown reasons, my head'n'eyes are kinda groggy, and my stomach is all icky. I am teeming with problems! I am an 85-year-old woman!!!

Anyway, bowling last night was pretty fun. I didn't bowl all that great (again), but my friends were there so I had a blast afterwards at Tumbleweed. They're not sure if they're going to be there next week :( What a sad, sad day indeed that would be. I've got a bunch of test/papers due this next week too. Instead of sitting here messing around on the computer, I should be doing that. Er, I'm gonna go...do that...yeah.

posted 7:54 pm

spookay - october 1

Well look at it, the first day of October already (or it will be by the time I finish writing this). I watched the debate tonight, and I must say that I feel Senator Kerry was the clear winner. Bush looked upset and flustered almost the whole time, and he seemed to be repeating the same ideas over and over again: he makes decisions, Kerry flip-flops. Bush said several times that it's hard work being the President, and that he's making progress. I felt he didn't look like he was prepared a few times, when he just stared at the camera before blurting out his answer. Kerry looked better, a lot more put together and able to answer the questions in the time allotted.

I would like to take a minute to clear up a common misconception about John Kerry and his wife Teresa. I overheard some people criticizing John Kerry for saying that American jobs are going overseas when the Heinz catsup company is all overseas. Teresa does not run the Heinz catsup company. She owns 4% of the stock in the company, and she makes NO decisions regarding what the company does or does not do. Not that any of this has anything to do with John or his plan for America, but I felt like this was a teaching moment.

Side note: according to a reliable source, In ancient Athens, they called people who didn't vote Idiote.

Moving on...I will be going bowling tomorrow night. Hopefully I will kick ass! I'm a little bummed that my friend Kelly won't be there (again!) but a couple other really cool people will be there so I will make the best of it. Me and my bacardi razz can make fun out of any given situation :P

posted 12:09 am

movin' right along...- september 23

Alright! I finally got ahold of the teacher and I'm going to start my observation tomorrow. I think I've got a touch of the PMS today with these mood swings! At least that takes a lot of stress out that I know I can get started on all this work I have to do related to the observation. *whew*

posted 3:43 pm

frowns abound

i don't think i'm having a very good day today. i don't feel ultra great, like i am really tired but i got plenty of sleep last night. and i also almost got into a wreck on the interstate on the way home today. i was getting off at my exit when the car in front of me swerved over, and i didn't have time to see the huge piece of tire in the middle of the road. i hit the brakes and swerved but still managed to hit it going about 70 miles an hour. my hands were totally shaking and i was just like "fuck!" - i'm even trying to cut down saying that but it's all i could say to describe the experience. so i got home, and no one is here, and i see that one of my little plastic grates on the front of the car is broken, there is a huge chunk of paint taken off (but it's on the underside so you can't see it without being under the car), and a big black streak all the way along the passenger side. i think it will all wash off and be ok but it was really scary! i could have swerved into another car! and so i call my mom and i can barely hear her, and all she does is proceed to tell me that i need to start being more careful about how i drive on the interstate because one of these days i am going to have a wreck. i guess i could try to justify that the car in front of me didn't even signal that he was getting off the interstate, and then he waited until the last second to swerve too, but i was following too close anyway. just getting the lecture didn't put me in a very good mood. i am also started to get pretty mad that the school i need to do my observing in won't call me back. i wanted to go down there this week but here it is thursday and i haven't spoken to the teacher yet. i need like a serious break from all this drama and stress in my life today. i don't know what i'm going to do about all this.

posted 1:33 pm

let's do the time warp again - september 22

Well it's wednesday, and I am posting again. This time I decided to go home and post in the privacy of my own room. Actually, I just didn't feel like hanging around all day with nothing to do, that gets a little old after a while. I did get to go to lunch with Josh (that guy I have been talking about) and his friend so that was cool. Then I came home and helped scrape leaves out of the pool so it can get closed up for the winter :( I'll miss floating around on the water and working on my tan.

I guess should probably look to see if I have any homework that needs to be done for my class tonight so I can be all prepared and stuff.

posted: 2:43 pm

there's a hole in my bucket - september 20

I decided that I missed my little titles at the beginning of my posts so I put it back up there. I'm sitting here in the computer lab again, but I had better make this quick and get over to the library. I have been wasting my big block of time in between classes playing on the computer instead of doing my work. I have to get a couple of articles about helping children cope with death for my Parenthood class. I think that's a heavy topic! I would rather have like "What to do if you wet your pants" or "Why Mrs. Johnson's belly keeps getting bigger and bigger" but I got stuck with this one.

So yeah, life is pretty great for me lately. School is going good, life is going good.

I mused once before that it's amazing how one little thing can change your whole mood. I was talking then about something pissing me off, but this time I have something good to say. Yesterday I spent the whole day thinking about someone, wondering what they were up to and just wishing I could talk to them (but I was trying to be cool or something and not call, you know how it is). So I was playing with my cell phone all night, putting ringtones on it and stuff, and I tried to see if they would text message me one. After a few minutes I decided that it wasn't going to work and I went off to watch tv. A little while later the phone rang like I got a text message. So I naturally assumed it was the rintone place and hohumed over to get it. And then I got a happy little surprise! It was from that person I had been thinking about!! He sent me a cute message and wished me a good night. I couldn't stop smiling after that. It's just amazing how fast your whole mood can change :)

posted 3:18 pm

September 11, 2004

So I was looking through my old posts on this site, and I came to the realization that I am a really angry person most of the time. It was pretty scary. I am glad, however, that most of my outbursts were limited to what I wrote in this blog, and not actually performed in real life. I would probably be locked up!! I'm going to make an effort to cheer up more, and act like life is worth living for a change. Life really is a beautiful thing, and as far as I know, you only get one life so you'd better live it like you mean it.

Speaking of life, I want to take a minute to remember those lives lost three years ago today. I can't believe it's been so long. 9/11 is one of those things you can just instantly remember where you were and what you were doing when it happened. Our generation hadn't had one of those events, unlike those who remember when John F. Kennedy was shot, or remember wars like Vietnam, Korea, and the World Wars. I didn't know just how much my life would be affected by the terrible tradgedy of 9/11, but I knew enough to know it wouldn't be a good change. Now our country is embroiled in a war, young sons and daughters are dying, and we are no closer to stopping terrorism than we were on September 10th. If I could see a reason that this war was connected to the events of 9/11 it would be one thing, but it just seems like this war is based only on the wishes of President Bush. So we caught Saddam - he didn't ram those buildings. So we liberated the Iraq people - they don't want us there and are fighting us tooth and nail all the way. So the people who actually played a part in the attacks are still free - and we don't hear any more about finding them. What happened to making Osama Bin Laden pay for his crimes? I guess those caves in Afghanistan are trickier than we thought they would be. It's strange that we live in a country where someone, thousands of miles away, can tell who I am and where I am simply by tracing my ip address, but we can't find a man in a desert cave.

Let's all just hope that the election in November will go off without a hitch and the right man will be elected. Who knows what the world will look like with 4 more years of this nonsense?

posted 3:54 pm

september 8

Well school has started yet again. I am actually sitting here in the computer lab at school. I hung out in the Student Senate office all afternoon trying to kill time. It was actually more fun than I thought it would be, since there were people there to talk to most of the time. I may have even set up some plans for this saturday.

Someone in here is humming. Who hums in a computer lab? Does the whirring of the computer fans inspire a tune that I am missing? I sometimes hum when I'm a home, a little song that I made up, but never in public. People who hum in public are strange.

So I still have 20 minutes until my class starts, and it is probably going to be full of stupid nursing students who I can't stand, so it might not be so fun after all. Nursing students think for some reason that they own this school, they are always complaining in class and just seem so freakin' stupid. Hmm..I am complaining a lot about them complaining a lot. Oxymoran ;)

So yeah, this has been a long day. On monday maybe I will start making some kind of fancypants bowl or pot, ashtray or cup in my ceramics class. I'm not real good at making things like that, and I'm a little concerned that people are going to wonder who brough their 7 year old kid to class to make a pot. The last pot I made when I was in school looks like a toddler on ADD medication made it. It's all lopsided and horrible.

Ok, so. I'm out of things to say here I guess. Tomorrow night I am going bowling, and saturday I am "hanging out" - whatever that means. Just glad I won't be spending another weekend sitting in my room on the computer.

posted 4:54 pm

August 2

My face feels like burning. Man, did I do a lot of stuff this weekend. I reported earlier that I was very excited to be going to the John Kerry rally in Zanesville on saturday night. Unfortunately, there were so many 1,000's of people there that it was nearly impossible to get in, so I had to turn around and go home. It was said on the news that people in line waited for 6 hours in order to see him, and they withstood the rain all day. I was really dissapointed that I didn't get to be there in person but I caught the live broadcast on ONN. I did go to the President Bush rally in the morning and took some pictures. Unfortunately again, I am out of space on freewebs to upload the digital pictures, and I don't have the pictures from my film camera developed yet. I'll have to see what I can re-arrange later in order to get some pictures put up.

Then on sunday I went to a bowling tournament. I was just supposed to be going to watch my friends, because my average isn't quite high enough to be able to actually bowl. But luck of lucks! They were short a person and I got to bowl after all! I bowled pretty well, one game in the 130's, 2 in the 120's and then 2 in the high 90's. Everyone seemed pretty pleased and if our score is official, we'll be in 3rd place! W00t! But I was doing a lot of drinking and am kinda feeling it now. I got up and immediately went out in the sun and now I'm baked and flaming red on top of a hangover. But I wouldn't trade it for the world, man I got to bowl in a tournament! I thought it was going to be 20 years before I would be able to do that so I am Jonesin' big time.


posted 10:13 pm

July 29

Today I bought a cheapo digital camera from Wal*Mart and I have been taking pictures with it with reckless abandon. For instance, I was that close to hitting this truck:

Because I was trying to take a picture of the irony of it being parked right next to a "NO Parking by Police Order" sign. I didn't get the sign in the picture, but more importantly, I didn't hit the truck. But I am telling you, it was within inches. So a good lesson for today is this: Don't try to take pictures while you are driving.

In happier news, here's a little slideshow of my crazy cat!

In a very exciting turn of events, I will have the privilege to see Senator John Kerry In Person this Saturday evening. He's coming to my town!! And I also heard on the news that BEN AFFLECK is going to be there too! Whopee! What are the chances of this?? But knowing our local news team, it's probably not true. But Kerry definitely will be there, and I've got my tickets for "Preferred Standing" area, baby. So if possible I will be taking pictures of this event and posting them on the web sometime saturday night!

Also, in astronomy news, this weekend there will be a Blue Moon. I personally will be turning into a werewolf to celebrate, and I will be plundering, pillaging, and causing all sorts of mayhem from saturday sunset until sunday sunrise. So you might wanna like, watch out.

Posted by:Or maybe a Wendigo @ 5:56 pm

July 26

I can't believe how long it took me to realize that the reason my page was not updating like I wanted it to, was because I was looking at the wrong file. Yes, I am an idiot.

Posted by: Katie @ 7:09 pm

Well I have been fiddling with this page all day. I suddenly got tired of the radioactive orange graphics I had before. You can still find them around the site, but this main page is gonna be more streamlined from now on. The first big change you might notice is the removal of frames. I heard someone say that frames were sooooo '01 and I thought I better keep up with the times. Any old posts can be found in the site archives (click on the scorpion). Have a look around.

Posted by: Katie @ 5:46 pm

July 22, 2004

AHHH! Shut up!

Oh. My. God. am I sooo sick and tired of listening to people fight over the elections! "Bush is a liar" "Kerry didn't deserve his purple hearts" "Well Bush never even left the country" "Well at least he's not a pinko commie anti-war protester" Ok people. ENOUGH. You sitting around arguing with people all the time is not doing anything but getting on people's nerves. You are not going to change someone's mind with what you say.
You know who you want to vote for. That's great, it's good to see you're taking advantage of the democratic process that this country was founded on. You have opinions, that's fine too. We pride ourselves on the ability of our citizens to have free speech. But could you just QUIT arguing already???

Have a nice day,

Posted by Katie @ 3:44pm

July 12, 2004

Part Two

Here are a few reasons why I hate Lifetime.

Posted by: Katie @ 5:15 p.m.

Blah blah blah blah frickin blah

Hmm, I'm pretty bored today. Got out of class a little early because I have a midterm tomorrow, went up and painted my grandma's porch, came home, took a shower. In other news, I am getting ready to add a little comedy page here. A little club, if you will, called CATLN. No, it's not about cats. It's not a group for the abolishment of the name Caitlin. No my friends, it is the Citizens Against the Lifetime Network. I have harbored a life-long grudge towards the executives, producers, writers, and actors of the Lifetime network, and you will know just exactly why once I finish my page. If you feel the same way, you can join my club once I get to that point. Any words of encouragement/hate mail will be displayed here in the meantime.

Posted by: Katie @ 4:29 p.m.

June 27, 2004

My Freaking Toe Hurts

I would like to begin by saying that I do not enjoy the new format of my Freewebs page editor. I have a little window about 1" high to type into, so I can only see 3 total lines of text. Wonder who thought this was a good idea??

Secondly, my big toe hurts. In another of my famous dumbass moves, I was running around on the front porch chasing my cat and managed to stub the hell out of my big toe. And every time I have typed toe into this paragraph, I have typed tow, and it's getting annoying. So yeah, I have a huge ass chunk of skin missing from my toe and it's bleeding and hurts like, real bad.


Posted by: Katie @ 6:08 p.m.

May 31, 2004

Thank a Soldier

Remember to thank a Veteran today, and remember that we have soldiers fighting for us right now.

May you stay safe, and come home alive.

Happy Memorial Day.

Posted by: Katie @ 12:33 a.m.

May 14, 2004


Ok, I just did something simultaneously stupid and scary. I have a new candle and I lit it, and after lighting it I decided that the wick was too long and could be considered a fire hazard, so I got out the scissors and snipped a little off. And a few minutes later I thought it was still a little too long so I snipped again. Except this time, a flaming hunk of wick went "ppffffwwooo", flew backwards and fell on the floor behind my desk.

So I am frantic - FIRE!

I immediately get down and crawl on the floor to find it and I see something glowing on the floor. This is a nice little red hot ember resting right next to a pad of post-it notes right on top of my hardwood floor. Luckily I found the ember and smashed it out but there could have been a major problem if I hadn't found it before something caught on fire.

So today's lesson in Fire Safety is Never trim the wick of a lit candle.

I have checked several
candle safety
websites, and they all say to keep your wicks trimmed, but nothing about not trimming the currently lit candle. I think this is a dangerous omission.

Here are some other candle safety tips:

Never leave a burning candle unattended.

Do not burn near flammable objects such as curtains, lampshades, or blankets

Burn only on heat resistant surfaces - they can become hot enough to damage furniture

Do not move a burning candle, or place in a draft

Keep candle free of foreign material - matches, wick clippings

Keep wick trimmed to 1/4 inch (about the thickness of a pencil) to avoid excessive smoking remember what I said about this!

Do not burn if container is cracked

Discontinue burning when less than 1/2 inch of wax remains

There you go, a Public Service Announcement regarding candle safety. Now burn away!

Posted by: I'm really not as stupid as I sound @ 8:20 p.m.

May 13, 2004

Serious Farm

Farmin' is serious business. Nothing funny about corn.

I just gotta say, I love this book. It's hilarious. That's it, I just like it.

So I'm going to an Indians game this weekend with my boyfriend and his parents...kinda scared about meeting them and spending the whole day with them though. Wish I had a Xanax or something to take but oh well. Monday morning I have to do a song with the kindergarteners, kinda scared, never done anything in front of a whole group of kids before...oh well. Going to be a week of new experiences. I can start crossing things off the old "To-Do" list.

Posted by: Katie @ 6:45 p.m.

May 11, 2004

I'm wild and I'm free

Ah, the blissful weather of spring! I love spring in Ohio, all of a sudden the sun starts shining, the air loses its cold bite, and the little bugs and birdies come out from wherever they've been hiding. I'll know spring is officially here in a week or so when the lightning bugs start popping up!

On a side note, completely unrelated to spring, I have decided that Lin Milano is CRAZY. If you're familiar with Alyssa Milano (from Who's the Boss, Melrose Place, and Charmed), Lin is her mother. She runs a website called safesearching, and it hosts a lot of sites for celebrities, including Alyssa. Well if you frequent the message boards there at all you have surely seen one of her furiously typed scrawling posts about "violating the privacy" of Alyssa. Recently someone posted an altered image of Alyssa that sent Lin over the edge and she took down the board altogether. Here's my problem:

1. Alyssa Milano has willingly posed half-naked in every single picture taken since about 1993.

2. She has also posed completely naked on several occasions.

3. I think Lin is mostly mad because the pictures of Alyssa on the USO tour were featured on Lin's paysite called Intertube. Once she spewed forth a firey inferno of a post about people stealing images from intertube and how those people should burn in hell for all eternity for committing such a grevous crime against humanity.

In short, I think Lin Milano's temper is as short as the numerical equivalent of her IQ. I wonder if she gets that these posts she makes have her looking like a raving lunatic??

Posted by: Katie - "I hope Lin Milano doesn't sue me for defamation of character" @ 10:17 p.m.

April 26, 2004

Spiraling into Life

It's been a while since I have last written you, online diary, because I have been very busy I have neglected you. Since I know you are itching for every detail of my life, here is a little rundown of my day:

8:00am I awake. This is significantly earlier than I would prefer to wake up, and even earlier than I am usually required to get up.

9:00am I arrive at a local kindergarten to observe for three hours. It was great! The kids all remember me from the last time I was there, and they love me.

12:10pm I drive through McDonald's where I see someone I used to go to high school with working, I tried not to look to pretty and successful so she wouldn't spit in my food. I only ate about half of the hamburger so hopefully I ate the non-spitted part.

12:25pm Arrive at campus where I wait around for a meeting to start, which was, as usual a complete waste of time. But it was hilarious at the same time, because a girl thinks she is going to get elected President of the club when she is totally inept and stupid and no body is going to vote for her.

1:00 Go take Geology test, only get 174 out of 180. Perfect season ruined because I mixed up two kinds of pyroclastic flow. Damnit, and I was going to switch the answers and I would have had a perfect score!! That really burns my toast!!!!

3:00 Go to Geology lab, mess around with minerals and rocks, annoy lab partner.

4:30 Go home, eat Tombstone pizza, get on the computer where I have been on and off for the past 4 hours.


Posted by: Katie the very very tired girl @ 8:44 p.m.

April 17, 2004

On the Fence

Recently I have been visiting a lot of sites trying to figure out if one of my favorite celebrities has had her baby yet (she's very close to her due date and we haven't heard anything from her in a while). I have briefly seen pictures of her that were taken recently (by paparazzi) where she looked absolutely ready to pop. Those pictures have since been removed from the site in deference to her privacy, and this celeb has long been known for wanting to lead a very private life, away from the media.

The reason for the conflict in my mind is this: why would you become an actress yet demand that everyone respect your privacy, and even become pissy when someone snaps pictures of you when you're out in town? I think it's pretty common knowledge that if you're an actress or someone otherwise famous, you are going to have to put up with paparazzi at some point in your career. This actress in question is really a B-list actress, having a few bit parts in movies and starring in two t.v. shows. She has a limited fan base who would LOVE to see candid pictures of her, but she refused to endorse any pictures and really gets quite mad and upset when pictures are taken of her without her consent. I understand that she is 9 months pregnant, but something's gotta give here - either quit being famous or act like you're famous. You really can't have your cake and eat it to here, celebs. You chose to become actors/actresses, and along with the money and the fame is the fact that you are going to be bothered sometimes when you really don't feel like it. You're going to have to deal with it, and move on.

Now, for the other side of the argument (with myself). I also don't feel that celebrities should have every waking moment of their life "on". For instance, I don't think they should have to spend 4 hours in hair and makeup to go out and get the mail, or run to the store, or worry about paparazzi plastering their children's pictures all over everything. Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt certainly must feel like that all of the time, they can't do anything without 5 cameras on them at all times. And yet they have realized this, and don't make this futile effort to keep their lives private everyday. They go about their daily lives, smile occasionally, and ask the paparazzi to take a hike when they've had enough. But they let them take just enough pictures to keep the cameraman happy, the fans happy, and their careers happy.

So what I'm saying is this: to my favorite celeb, I still love you, but you've got to lighten up. You know you've made it when paparazzi start taking your picture. It's one of the downfalls of your career, and it looks like it's here to stay.

To the paparazzi: come on guys, don't hound them every single day. Work with them, maybe set up a system like the royals do. Only take their picture on a certain day of the week, or if it's something special, take pictures for 10-15 minutes and then pack it up. Don't stand there outside the restaurant window taking pictures for the full 2 hour meal. You should know when you're getting close to crossing the line between photographer and stalker, and take great care not to cross it. If you can develop a repore with the celeb, they might be a lot more willing to let you get the scoop pictures than the guy who took picures of them while they were taking out the trash.

Everybody: Just be cool.

Posted by: Katie @ 2:59 p.m.


Ok, I have a question about eyebrows. I would like to know where some freak ass people are getting their ideas about how to pluck them. Most people either don't pluck them at all or know how to pluck them so they look right nad normal. Other people are horribly misguided. Your eyebrows are not supposed to leave people staring.

Some examples of what not to do with your eyebrows:

1. Pluck them completely out, like Whoopi Goldberg. You will look very strange, people are supposed to have eyebrows.

2. Pluck them so thin that they look like they were drawn on with a thin, thin pencil lead.

3. Do not, absolutely not pluck them completely out except for a 1/4 inch section all the way on the outside corners of your eyes. It looks bizarre, and people will stare at you, because it looks like your eyes are a lot wider apart then they are supposed to be.

4. Conversely, don't pluck them so that there is a big chunk of thick brow at the inside corners (by your nose) and then a teeny thin line to the outside. Also looks retarded.

If you are confused as to how you should be styling your eyebrows, consult Any fashion magazine ever written and/or watch some damn t.v. If you don't see any eyebrows like the ones you're sporting, you've got an eyebrow identity problem and should seek help immediately.

Posted by: Katie @ 1:30 a.m.

April 11, 2004

can't feel my body

Oh holy crap am I tired! And still exaustingly full from dinner. We had: ham sandwiches, augratin potatoes, baked beans, noodles, and potato salad. Then carrot cake for dessert. I had to switch out of my jeans into a pair of stretchy sweat pants. For some reason I am also very tired. I think after a little light studying for my geology test tomorrow I am going to hit the hay.

Hope everyone had a great Easter!

Posted by: Katie @ 10:50 p.m.

ham & eggs

Happy Easter everyone! Anyway, I wish everyone happy times finding eggs, or going to church, or whatever it is that you do at Easter.

I like to gather all the family around a big ham and gorge myself on food because it has been 5 whole months since Thanksgiving and it's about damn time for a gorging! Then I'm going to gorge myself on Marshmallow Peeps and admire my new outfit! That Easter Bunny sure does rock!

Posted by: Katie @ 2:57 a.m.

April 8, 2004

tempers flare

My car is a piece of junk. It looks pretty, but it runs like a fat kid. Usually I either coax it, "Come on baby, come on baby, just a little further, you can do it!" or I cuss at it, "You piece of shit! You better get moving right this &*^%*%( instant!". Today, was a cussing day. As I was coming home for a quick bite to eat in between classes, I gleefully passed some slow guy who was undoubtedly actually driving the speed limit, and cut him off in order to go 5 mph faster on the on-ramp to the interstate. Suddenly, I find that my leaden foot upon the gas is not getting the anticipated reaction, rather I find my steering wheel has locked up and my futile attempts to "put the petal to the metal" are being met with a whole lot of nothing. So I am cussing up a storm, "You better get your %$#%^ piece of shit ass into gear right this minute or I am going to run you off a bridge you sorry sack of shit car. Piece of shit. Piece of shit, you are a piece. of. shit." I put on my flashers, and slowly grind to a halt to the side of the on-ramp. I have to suffer the racer's worst humiliation and watch the person I just passed whiz by me, craning his neck to make that "What the crap is wrong with you face" at me. Cars are whizzing past me at 40-55 mph, inches from dessimating my tiny car (and it's precious cargo) Ok, no problem, I will start this turd up and go get me some more of that life- giving Premium gas, so I reach down and turn the key. Dead. Silence. I crank the thing a few more times, and then I place a desperate call to my mommy, who fixes everything. Meantime, I have put the car in park and hit the emergency brake. **DING DING DING** Can anyone guess what I have done wrong so far? Anyway, I call mom and in my pissiest voice say, "I have a problem" (I have to practically scream it into the phone - construction), and she says, "So it won't start at all?" I give the key one more crank. The freakin' thing thinks for a second and starts up, just to make me look like a tool. I think seriously about pitching this hunk of metal over the nearest overpass --oh yeah I'm sitting on one right now so you better straighten the hell up-- So I hang up, sit there and wait 5 minutes for all the cars to pass so I can pull out slow as Hitler's grandmother (just in case the damn thing dies again) and go back down the off-ramp, drive 25 mph through downtown and find a damn gas station, belittling my car the entire way. Anyway, long story short, this idiot didn't put the car in park the first time she cranked the key, so that's why it didn't start, and later mom told me a lot of the problem with my car stalling and acting sluggish is me having the air conditioner running full blast all the time. My road rage makes me overheated, ok? Anyway right now it's in the shop waiting for someone to take a look at the fuel line, maybe clean out a little sediment or something. When this thing gets down to 1/4 of a tank of gas it acts like it is on it's last dying breath. Stupid piece of shit car.

Posted by: Katie @ 2:05 a.m.

April 6, 2004

Toby Keith is a poseur

Man, if there's one entertainer I really hate, it's Toby Keith. Why, you ask? Because he is a poser, and an asshole. He looks like a ridiculous idiot wearing that bandana under his cowboy hat. What is he, a "badass gangsta cowboy"? No, he is a stupid retarded looking cowboy. Unfortunatly I can't find a picture of it on the 'net, but if you look at his video for "American Soldier" you'll see what I mean. Secondly, to his poser status: Ok, he is NOT an American Soldier, he is a stupidass singer who is neatly capitalizing on the war in Iraq. How many, "Let's kill the towelheads" songs has he written since September 11? A lot, and I bet he's soldiering himself all the way to the bank. To me, calling yourself an american soldier in a damn song is a slap in the face to all the men and women who are ACTUALLY IN IRAQ! Toby Keith would probably piss his pants and hide behind his gay ass bandana if he was drafted into a war. Now you ask, why is he an asshole poser instead of a just regular poser? Well, because of the way he reacted to the Natalie Maines Incident, of course. He acted like a little spoiled brat when Natalie made fun of his song (Oh guess what, another song capitalizing on 9/11 "Courtesy of the Red, White, & Blue") - she said it was ignorant. Toby then proceeded to make fun of Natalie's songs, and after she made her speech in Europe, he started displaying a doctored picture of Natalie with Saddam, along with promoting the FUDC (F*ck You Dixie Chicks) t-shirts! OH CRAP ISN'T THAT FUNNY!! He puts the stupid picture up on the big screen at his concerts when he plays his ignorant song, yet people are 100% criticizing the Dixie Chicks. People were sending them death threats! What the hell is the matter with people??? What would make you send a death threat to someone for something so stupid as this? Don't you have anything better to do, like go to a Toby Keith concert, buy some bandanas to wear under your cowboy hats, and sing along with his ignorant songs? Buy a couple more of his "Patriotic" songs, and maybe he will be able to buy something for himself so he looks less retarded. Stupid Toby Keith, I hope he does go to Iraq and someone hits him with a bomb. Oh the outpouring of grief there will be in the redneck retard population of the U.S.! We'll have to shut down the banks and everything.

Posted by: The Angry American - Katie @ 11:55 p.m.


My afternoon class was cancelled today, so instead of working on homework or going down and getting my school observation set up, I slept in 'til 1 and then I ate pancakes! It was pretty cool, except they guys doing construction are replacing the roof, so I heard quite a bit of this:

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! sssssssliiidee BOOM!

Hammer hammer hammer!


Well anyway, they are making a lot of progress and it looks like if the weather keep up they could have this thing done here in about a month. And then we will have screened in tropical drink parties and go swimming in the moonlight!

Posted by: Katie @ 2:00 p.m.

April 4, 2004

we lost ourselves

Oh man, before I get into what I was going to say, I am seriously laughing my ass off over here! Saturday Night Live is having one of it's funnier shows. They just did a skit where they kept dropping stuff on someone's head, and it was way funnier than it should have been. I guess The Donald really is a good guy to have around.

Now, what I was getting ready to spout off about: today's "music". I was listening to Music Choice this morning, and I was confronted by a lot of noise with people's voices tucked into it. One song by Blink 182 was so terrible I had to change the channel, and there was another one which had lyrics like "you always thought you broke my back, but joe your sex was whack". I ask you, how did these people get recording contracts? I find myself listening to country music a lot any more, because at least it has lyrics that have some meaning. I remember LFO had lyrics to one of their hits (oh yeah, the only one) that went "cherry bubbalicious and coca pops got you on my mind and I just can't stop" WTF!? All they did was find a word to rhyme stop!!

And is Christina Aguilaria's "Beautiful" the anthem for the ugly girls? Because my friends, she is not beautiful anymore. She used to be, until she dyed her hair black and started acting like a homeless person. Same thing goes for Justin Timberlake. They both look like they have not taken a bath in a year. But hey, ugly people all over the world can unite in their love for them! It will keep them occupied while the beautiful people take over the world!! MWUAHAHAHA!!

On the other hand, there are a few songs that I do like today, like Maroon 5's
'This Love'
and Switchfoot's 'Lost Ourselves'. Two songs that are catchy and you can find some kind of meaning in the words. Click on the links to find their videos.

This rant brought to you by: Katie @ 12:27 a.m.

April 3, 2004

Deep Thoughts

I had the most horrible dream the other night. I was somewhere, and my mom called me on my cellphone and told me that my brother was in the hospital and was dying! And I then I was in class which was being taught by my aunt (who I never see) and she asked me a question and I just started sobbing. Then I was at my grandma's house and my aunt was hugging me and I was so worried about my brother. It was so realistic, and I hate dreams like that!

My brother is older than me, and he has Autism. He has a lot of seizures, and in my dream he was dying from one. I felt so sad and guilty for all the times that I did something to torment him, like say I was going to drink all his chocolate milk, or got mad because he was playing his music while I was trying to sleep. Anyway, I think it was brought on because he said he had heartburn and my mom said she hoped he was not going to start having heart problems. I probably internalized this into him dying from a heart attack or something.

He got me good the other night though! I was playing and said I was going to drink all his chocolate milk, and he went into his room (while my mom gave me a dirty look for "getting him all fired up for no reason". And then he came out of his room and said, "hey Katie, what's that on your shirt?" and I looked down and was getting ready to explain what the picture on the front was, when he said, "April Fools!" I was pretty impressed that he came up with a joke and actually fooled me. My mom meanwhile, proceeded to point and laugh at me, and yell "HE GOT YOU!" in my face, which really kind of pissed me off. Stupid April Fool's Day.

Posted by: the brat (Katie) @ 12:40 a.m.

April 1, 2004

teh n3w357 p057 y37!11! OMG11@!!

If you haven't been around the internet today, count yourself lucky. There has been a lot of mayhem, especially at fark.com and homestarrruner.com. They have been playing April Fool's pranks like no one's business. It's funny until you get all the morons asking "Uhhh....Drew, has Fark been hacked?" 8,000 times, and people posting, "WOW!! Homestar really p0wn3d us!!"

Hopefully all the fun will be winding down and we'll get back to normal soon.

posted by: Katie @ 11:12 p.m.

March 31, 2004

someone is outside calling "Fool!? Fool?"

I am one class away from having my first week of Spring Quarter over with, and I am muy excited! This quarter is shaping up to involved quite a bit of busy work, but it also looks like I will learn a lot. I am also in a geology class which I am finding fascinating! Did you know that India hasn't always been connected to Asia? It plowed into Asia, and that action created the Himalayas and the Tibetan Plateau. And there is also a suture like that in the United States, in the West about where Wyoming is, all the states west of Wyoming plowed into North America at some time. I also learned a lot about
earthquakes and plate tectonics
! A lot of people in my class were acting like this was the most boring stuff in the world, but I was riveted!

All the beautiful weather that we had been enjoying in Ohio is gone, and now it's 47 and raining here. All this rain is pushing back the construction on our house, but at least I am not getting woken up by pounding hammers. I can't wait for the new room to be built. After 10 years we will finally have a dining room again! Whoo!!

Posted by: Katie @ 10:41 p.m.

March 30, 2004

I'm going to buy stock in Midol

Why is it that I can be having a perfectly good day, and then one little thing will set me off and I end up totally pissed and ready to break something? Am I that high-strung, or do I have permanent PMS? I like to think of that commercial for PMDD which was out a few years ago, where a woman in sitting in front of her vanity happily brushing her hair when her husband walks in. He says, "What are you doing?" And she flies into this rage, slamming her hairbrush down with hurricane force and screams, "WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING?!?". I could be the poster child for this disorder.

Have an example. Just today, I went to school and I was perfectly fine, nearly cheerful all day. I get a message from my mom at 6:00 on my cell, and she says she has gotten some Chinese food for dinner. Immediately, a little voice in my head starts, with "Well does she KNOW that I don't get out of class until 8:30??" So all I do is sit and think about eating Chinese when I get home, and boy doesn't that sound really good, and man do I want to get out of this class so I can get home and eat it. Soooo...the hour drags on and I finally get out. By this time I have called my mom and told her exactly when I will be home. I get home at exactly 8:40 just like I said, and there sits all my food on the kitchen table.

I came in my room, took out my contacts, and went to the bathroom. I had hoped in this time my mom would have taken the initiative to put some of the stuff in the oven to warm it up, but she just pointed at it, and was like, "There's your food." So she actually does take the Crab Rangoon and puts them in the oven for me while I start to get out my sezchuan chicken. And here comes something else to piss me off: she has picked out nearly all of the vegetables and left me with about 4 green peppers and the rest chicken. I suppose it would have been too much to ask for her to remember that the last dozen times we have gotten this, I have not wanted any chicken. SO there is another notch in the PISSED OFF scale. So I sort through and get as much stuff out as possible while shoving aside all the chicken. I got approximately one water chesnut, 4 green peppers, and 2 bamboo shoots. At least she said she tried to leave me lots of sauce, which there was. Meanwhile, the Crab Rangoon that she has put in the oven starts to burn. And there is nothing I despise more than burnt food. This is it, I am officially pissed off. And then she was trying to turn them over so I wouldn't see the burned part!! LIKE I WOULD NOT HAVE GONE COMPLETELY INSANE IF I HAD BITTEN INTO A BIG BURNED CRAB RANGOON!!! IS SHE NUTS??!?!?

So then I am like, I don't even want to talk to her at all. And she keeps going, oh just eat around the burned part, or cut the burned part off. Blah blah blah. The outside shell is the part I like best, and it's ruined. No amount of cutting it off is going to make it better. AHH DAMNIT!! Go away. So I sat at the table and picked at it, and eventually scraped most of it into the trash.

And this is the only thing I have had to east since 10 this morning. And I have been sitting in class for the last hour and a half thinking about how good this dinner is going to be.

So needless to say, I am so mad right now. I could have stopped and got something edible for dinner. But I guess I have learned another life lesson: 1. Eat food first hand, and not someone's left-overs (which I did not know it was going to be) 2. Don't let my mom cook my crab rangoon, do it myself.


Posted by KATIE @ 10:01 pm

Update: Ok, I got over it, and I said I was sorry to my mom. She said she didn't try to eat all the vegetables, in fact she tried to save a lot for me. She said it looked like an exceptionally lot of chicken was included this time. Also she said she did not burn the crab rangoon on purpose. I knew she didn't. I said I possibly need to be on medication for my hormonal imbalance, but she had no comment on this matter. I bet she agreed though, on the inside.

posted: 11:30 p.m.

i try to think about elvis

That staying up all night really worked for once...I have been getting up before my alarm even goes off. Much better than the days when I have to hit the snooze button 10 times and get up about 10 minutes before I have to leave. Then I leave 10 minutes late and do a speedracer all the way to class only to walk in five minutes late and everyone looks up. Maybe this quarter I can shed the "late girl" nickname.

Anyway, I was once again reminded that I need to do my sit-ups or some kind of exercise because another pair of pants has failed in their attempt to cover my expanding gut. My mom said "Wow! Those pants are mighty tight! Why don't you find some pants that aren't so tight?" I would love to, but that would entail buying bigger pants and I don't wanna. I'm not fat anywhere else, but my belly keeps getting bigger and bigger. I'm starting to look like I'm pregnant, but believe me I'm not. Unless it is the lord's baby, of course. Pesky lord.

Posted by: Katie @ 11:49 a.m.

March 28, 2004

someone had to put her in her place

I just stayed up all night in celebration of my last day of Spring Break. More in woe, because it was too short, but I needed to do something to get myself back on schedule. This morning I have watched three episodes of Beverly Hills 90210. That Shannen Doherty is awesome, I don't care what people think of her, she is the coolest. I wish I could be more like her, actually. She doesn't seem to give a rat's ass about what other people think of her, and that is a skill that I really need to pick up. My life could be so much happier if I could just worry about myself and not what everyone else is thinking. You see, this morning I was given just one more reminder that people can be such assholes, and I am trying so hard not to care but it's pretty hard. Why people feel the need to be deliberatly mean to other people is beyond me. I don't get how someone could feel better about themself when they make someone else feel stupid. But some people do, and that is their problem. Hopefully someday me and Shannen can just move on and get past all of our problems and really not care about other people.

Posted by: Katie @ 11:56 a.m.

March 27, 2004

boggles the mind

Well I had a pretty nice day today. I didn't do much but go bowling in my league! I didn't bowl all that well, but my mom got a 209 and a 532 series! I was so proud of her, and I think she's going to be in the paper this week.

After we went bowling we went to the store, and something weird happened. While my mom and I were standing in line at the checkout counter, my eyes flickered to the opening door. A tall, greying man walked through the door, and I quickly averted my eyes. I hoped he hadn't seen me, and I was glad there was no eye contact so I wouldn't have to struggle with my conscience: should I smile? should I speak? After the man had turned to walk into the store I looked at him again. I watched him walk down the aisle until he dissapeared.

I helped load the car, and trotted to take the cart back to the corral when my eyes flicked up again, and there he was, walking to his car. Once again I looked away as soon as I recognized the figure in the rain. I thought, "I wonder how I look? Do I look like he remembers, or did he have to think a minute to recognize me like I did him?" He got in his car, and I got into mine, and we silently drove off into the night.

That was the first time I have seen my father in two years. I can't say I was happy to see him, but for the first time I didn't feel the stomach turning hate either. It was so much like looking at a stranger that it boggled my mind.

Posted by: Katie @ 2:00 a.m.

March 25, 2004

Help out a good cause

I am going to be bowling this weekend to benefit the organization Big Brothers, Big Sisters. The event is called Bowl for Kids' Sake, and I am in desperate need of donations. If you click on the link below, you can visit my personal donation page and consider donating something. A $10 donation would be so greatly appreciated, and you're giving it through a secure source so there is no worry about where your money is going.

Bowl for Kids' Sake

Posted by: Katie @ 10:16

I can't feel my body

I am so beat from all the work I've been doing! The only upswing is that I got lots of the cash money for doing it! I always keep in mind that I could still be working retail, and I would have to work all week plus overtime to make the same amount I made in three days. So it is teh r0x0rz!

The weather was beautiful in Ohio today, sunny skies and the temperature was about 70 all day. Too bad I was cooped up in a house!!! Only three more days of my Spring Break :( My mom had promised to take me out shopping and go somewhere to spend the night, but now it looks like I am not going to get to go after all. See what I get for having my hopes up.

Posted by: Katie @ 6:34 p.m.

Holy Crap

Update: I am still very tired, and I get more tired by the minute. The pertinent question is, why do I continue to mess with this website that no one comes to instead of going to bed???

Posted by: Katie @ 5:37 a.m.

I am tired. Very, very very tired. That is all.

Posted by: Katie @ 3:39 a.m.

March 24, 2004

Knuckle Nugget

People are just so stupid. PETA has launched a new campaign against KFC which involves giving children KFC buckets filled with fake blood, a bloody plastic chicken, and a cartoon featuring Colonel Sanders, who is covered in blood and holding a butcher knife over a terrified chicken. What in the hell are these people thinking? Or a better question is: could they possibly think up a more inappropriate way of getting their message out? Giving out the buckets of gore is one thing, but to specifically target children with it is completely and utterly wrong.

I wonder where they are going to dig up people who are stupid enough to stand beside a KFC and hand out these buckets? I can safely say a lot of them are going to be leaving that scene sporting a few nuggets of their own when parents realize what their children have just gotten. Way to go PETA, scaring little kids and getting yourself punched in the face. Congratulations.

Posted by: Katie @ 11:01 p.m.

Dove White, Ultra White, Tightie-White

I have always hated a room painted entirely in white. My bedroom was a big white box for several years, and I felt like I was incarcerated in the medical ward of a maximun security prison. Since then I have enjoyed numerous pink rooms (with blue skies) and now I have a tan and green room. It's striped, and I think it looks a lot like what you would see on Trading Spaces, (minus the feathers, straw, and fake flowers Hildi would put on the walls)Anyway, I've just spend the day in a tiny bedroom painting the ceiling Ultra White, and the walls Dove White. Which ordinarily would be considered Just Plain White, except you can really tell the difference when paired next to a Chalk White, or an Aspen Snow White. And this all-white bedroom does match quite nicely with the rest of the all-white house, complete with white carpet and brand new white furniture. I think once I get the room done I will have to make sure to hose myself down before I go in for fear of dirtying things up in there.
Tomorrow I will go back in for a second coat, because Dove White is not quite covering up the slightly darker shade of White that was in there before. Spring Break - HO!
Also, you can now apply for an award from my site. I keep making these things, and people just don't seem to care, but hey, it amuses me for a while. All you have to do is email me with the name of your site, your site address, and what your favorite candy of all time is. Bonus points if your site has something to do with sugar, candy, or Mountain Dew. Anyone winning my award will not only get the stunningly beautiful graphic that is shown below, but you'll get a link from your page to my page..er, from my page to your page that might increase your traffic. Plus you can run around, all willy-nilly yelling about how you won an award and how this should somehow relate to you getting a raise in allowance or possibly PTO time.

No one will think you're cool if you just take the graphic!

Posted by: Katie @ 12.37 a.m.

March 23, 2004

The Pachyderm

Update: New guestbook, primed and ready for signing, look below!

posted by: Katie@ 3:54 a.m.

Ok, some extensive site work tonight, for a change. You probably didn't notice the change in graphics, because most likely you've never been here before. That's ok, but these graphics are much cooler than the other ones that were here. They had butterflies. Yuck. I added a whole new section about my Fark photoshop entries, which you can find at the bottom of this page. Most of the links on the left should work, just click on the little star thing. There aren't any links on the right side works as of right now. Sooo...don't click over there.

I seems to only update when I am on some kind of break from school. Last time was Xmas, this time Spring Break. Woo-hoo!
Anyway, it was 34 and raining here today so it really wasn't that springy, and I am going in to paint a couple rooms at my grandma's house tomorrow, so it's not to breaky either. More like an achy. I've got to go find another guestbook to put up here, and maybe some kind of thing that does things that you can type in things and then they are there. Yes. I will do that.

I have been reading too many Strong Bad emails, I am not making any sense.

posted by: Katie @ 1:24 a.m.


December 27, 2003

And then it was over...

Today I took down my grandma's Christmas tree. She and my mom are the same way, as soon as Christmas is over, they want nothing more to do with it. I usually wait until about the 30th to take my tree down, but they are solid 26'ers all the way. Anyway, it was a beautiful tree, if I do say so myself (I put it up, too.) I hate to see the holidays over, it only signals the beginning of a long, cold, lonely winter. All work and no play, if you will. Soon it will be 2004, and I will be no wiser than I was a year ago, still brash and impatient, letting my every thought spill from my lips without a second's thought. Always regretful afterwards. I decided my New Year's Resolutions this year are as follows:

1. Stop comparing myself to everyone else. This will be a big one, and I think, one with the most chance of happiness if I succeed. I wish I could stop being so jealous and selfish all the time. There is nothing I want that I can't get. Don't look at the score.

2. Stop being an ass. Ties along with the above a little, I can really treat people like crap sometimes. I really would like a leash on my tongue to shut me up. Think before you speak.

3. Lose some weight. I refuse to go above a size 8 damnit! Gym. Salad. Pizza...mmmmmm

4. Get some self-confidence. I am looking for sellers, if you've got some. I need it big time. Maybe it will help with #5. Chin up.

5. Love. It's been too long, I need a man. Stetson man, call me!

There you have it, my short list of resolutions. Check back to see how these things are going in the coming year. I think I should add "quit drinking mountain dew" to my list, and maybe I will be able to fall asleep at night. Cheers!

The following entries are from my old site, which was called the Garden of DLight.

Word of the Day:
Succinct: brief; concise.

Well Happy Summer all ye who visit here! Hot weather has finally arrived in my neck of the woods, after several weeks of chilly, rainy skies. We're celebrating this new found heat wave by putting in a swimming pool! AWESOME! I have been promised a swimming pool every summer for the past 10 summers we've lived here, and now that I am totally out of high school where it would have been useful, they put one in. Oh well. More room in the pool for me :) Anyway, nothing new here. I don't know, usually when I get in these moods to make a big change to the place I get tired halfway done and quit. LOL. Lazy days of summer and all! Plus I will be busy now swimming so who knows what will get done around here. Take a look around and sign the guestbook if ye please!


Erf. Long day. Spring break, pitiful 5 days that it was, is over. I had to go back to class this morning and I am Tired. Then I went out to the mall and quit my job. That was good times. Still have three days left on the schedule, don't you think those will be tension filled. Yes, they will. My computer is on the fritz. And it's cold out. Tomorrow will be a better day though I think. Only one class and it's supposed to be warm too. And sunny. Man there seem to be a lot of periods in this paragraph. Check it out, there are 14 of them up there. Well I am going now, this conversation is boring. Only a few things that are important so I want you to pay attention. Here you go, bold and numbered for easy memorization.

1. Watch the t.v. show Charmed it is awesome. On TNT every weekday at 9am and 6pm and Tuesday nights at 10pm. And sunday nights at 8pm on the WB. It's on so much, there's really no excuse not to fit it into your schedule. And if you find yourself away from the t.v. (or sleeping - who gets up at 9am anyway) just buy some good blank tapes and set your VCR to record them, then you can watch at your leisure. That's what I do. Then you can rewind at the funny parts and fast forward through the pesky commercials.
2. Take down any Christmas decorations that may still be adorning your house. It is April now and that is ridiculous. If you think I am joking, as I look out the window on March 31st the neighbors in the subdivision across from my window Still Have Their Christmas Decorations Up. And they are UGLY, tacky, red plastic bows, you can imagine after 4 months of weathered abuse they are looking pretty nasty. I tried to take a picture of them today but the digital camera has no zoom on it and I was too tired to walk all the way over there to take a picture.

3.Sign my guestbook.You are only doing yourself a favor. If you sign it, then I feel obligated to come and visit your webpage, thus increasing your traffic by at least one. Then, when other people come here, they sign my guestbook and see your site, then they click there and your traffic is increased again. Magical!
4. Feel free to send me money I do accept paypal, if you have money just lying around, you can go ahead and send it over to me and I will take it. And I promise to devote more than .2% of your money to the betterment of this webpage. So that means if you send me $1,000 then I will have plenty of money to go out and buy some new graphics program that will enable me to create more purdy purdy graphics for these here pages. I will soon be unemployed and need all the money I can get. And, if you're one of those silly people who feels the need to get something for your money, you can go over to ebay and buy something of mine. Then you will send me money and I'll send you a trinket of your choice. Sounds like a plan! Unless of course you are outside the U.S. then you just have to send me money for nothing. And just so you know Canada is not part of the U.S. Neither is Hong Kong. People please.

5. Come over to my house and pick up the post-it notes I just dropped on the floor. Like I said, I've had a long day and I'm tired. It's taking up all my energy to sit here and type, as well as eat Starbursts and fold the little wrappers up into a necklace. Wish you had a starburst necklace? Well, maybe some day I will consider putting up a detailed explanation along with pictures up here so you can learn. Send me 20 bucks and I'll make one for you. Otherwise, admire mine. Whenever I get it done and take a picture. Too tired now, camera's all the way in the other room. Er, by the way, has anyone out there been able to replicate the unwrapping inside the mouth that they show on the commercial? Seems like a good way to choke to me.

I hope you have paid attention, this will be on the exam.


Hmm, nothing much new on the site, just changed the music on this page. I am thinking up some things though, I don't know when I will get them put up. I will find something, it will be fun. Just wait.


New *cute* Easter-themed graphics sets are up now for you to use on your websites, check them out!!


Tra la la, not much new today, I got an AWARD though. Click there if you want to see it. I am enjoying my sunny spring break here in Ohio. My little desk thermometer says it is 78.6 F outside but I think that is a little bit of a stretch. I think I need to get a little sun shield for the thing that I stick out the window. Sometimes it seems that the sun has gone nova because the thing occasionally says it is 158 F outside, and I think that would be a little damaging to something. Well this is a nice ramble. Er, anyway, check out all the stuff on the site, then go tell your friends. Bye bye!!

New! 3.22.03

Ugh, I have a headache. Worked today, bosses busting a gut about getting accounts opened at our store. No one would get one from me. Exciting news on the page front, 5 new ring tones were added today! I got out some old music books and typed away so you all have fun with those. Tomorrow I get to fold denim or something. I don't even know. Woopde doo. Tell your friends you were here. Win a free nothing. Uh, you could apply for my award too. They're all very pretty. Wellbye.

Oh, P.S. What does an eskimo keep his home together with?



Well, isn't it nice that I awoke today to see, on my first day of spring break, a beautiful cloud filled sky, chilly temperatures, and tiny drops of rain cascading down upon the earth? NO! It wasn't nice at all!! And on a side note, it is March 21, and as I sit looking out my window, the neighbors across the way still have their Christmas decorations up on the outside of their house. I cannot believe that they haven't had the chance to get them down. I mean, they don't have to be like my mom and take them down on December 26, but I do think that 3 months is a little excessive. Anyone else have thoughts?


Happy First Day of Spring!! I am so glad Spring is finally here. Now that clock in the kitchen will finally be right again soon with daylight savings time. Cool! Welp, nothing new here on the page, but today offically marks the beginning of Spring Break so I will have a little time here to put some things up. I don't know what exactly, but something. Maybe. Anyway, kitty pictures are the newest thing.

3.19.03 8:31pm

I included the time in the above just because it is 31 minutes past the deadline and I have been continuously refreshing google's news page for the past three days. And I see also that Bush wants to drill for oil in Alaska's wildlife reserve. *frown* I want to support the President, I want to be a "Good American" but I really don't see why we need to destroy a wildlife reserve to get a little more oil. I wish we could devote that money to finding a cleaner way to travel in the first place. Come on science!! You mean to tell me that you can make a computer the size of a watch and travel into space, but you cannot improve on a engine that was developed over 100 years ago? I also read somewhere that the reason France is not supporting the war is because Saddam is not an immediate threat and should not be dealt with immediatly. Well don't you think that is a limp reason? If Bush and co think that Saddam could someday pose a threat, why on earth would they want to wait until they find out he has nukes on the way over here to act? I guess keeping him in control now is better than finding ourselves in trouble in the future. And I have just one thing to say to all these rock stars (SHERYL CROW) and movie stars (BARBRA) that just because you are famous, why do you think you know about politics? Better yet, why do you think people should care what you think about politics? We care about you when you are entertaining us in your craft, not when you are protesting the government. Don't abuse your positions in the media to impose your beliefs on us. You will find yourselves losing fans by huge numbers that way, and then you will find yourself with no audience for your views. I was sorry to see the Dixie Chicks are making anti-war comments, I had hoped they had more class than that, but I guess everyone is entitled to their opinions, and she has apologized. Anyway, if you came here looking for a lighthearted distraction from all the war talk, jump right to the "Pond" section where there are lots of things to make you laugh. And I will be uploading some pictures of my little kitty I got for my birthday here so you can look at those too. There's a picture of my foot in there too!! Check out those nails ;) Until next time....


Happy St. Patrick's Day!! I hope you are all getting your fill of green beer! Remember, eating pretzels and peanuts makes you thirsty, so keep that pitcher handy :) Today's word of the Day is supercilious, which will be fun to call someone and they won't know what it means. I like to have my insults fly right over the heads of the people they're directed toward!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm an evil little leprechan!!


Well today was the last day of class for winter quarter, finals are next week and then one whole glorious week of Spring Break, spent here in sunny Ohio where the temperature is currently 38.3 according to my thermometer, alternating between going to work and lying around the house. I can hardly wait!!! Anyway, nothing much new on the site, maybe you should visit the forest page, it appears some activity is going on there. Who knows what will happen?


Happy first of March! Spring is coming soon! I can hardly wait to get rid of all this snow.


Tra la la, if you happened to have been here earlier today and then came back (which frankly I doubt you did) you would have seen a very different page. It was red and black for like an hour but then I changed it back. I think I like this the best. It's me. Anyway, enjoy the Spring-y garden, I am hoping it will induce real spring to come! Also I think the "Forest" page is going to get taken down or changed, I think I have infringed the copyright of those chicken soup for the soul books long enough lol. And please sign the book at the bottom to let me know you were here!!
Also, you have noticed the words of the day at the top of the page. Today's words are Courtesy & Manners. I have picked them for a reason. It seems that no one I know has any of either. And I am not talking about high society, prissy pants manners either, just common everyday manners and courtesy. For example: If someone calls you, and asks you to call them back, just call them back. It's really not that hard. AND, if you say you are going to call someone, call them. Don't break dates for no reason, and if you must, CALL the person and tell them you're not going to show up. So they don't sit there for hours wondering what is going on. And when you are driving, DON'T tailgate people. Especially don't tailgate the person right in front of you when it is the person in front of THEM that is going slow. What is the second person supposed to do about? Rear-end the first so YOU can get somewhere faster? I don't think so. < /end rant >


How's it doing there liddle buddies? Sometimes I feel like I could just write nonsense here and it wouldn't matter since I have no idea if anyone ever reads what is on this site or not. I should write something totally crazed and see if anyone responds in some way. Usually I am pretty good at writing things that make people laugh, I wish I could think of something now. Perhaps by the end of the paragraph. First, since you're here, and certainly have nothing better to do, why not learn a little about me? YAY!! Just what you wanted, right? And since this page is rapidly filling up with links, I won't even make you click somewhere else for it, I will put it right here. So here goes.
The Art of being Me: (I stole this from the WB website, hope I don't get sued)
Favorite Things: Watching TV, I have been a tv junkie as long as I can remember. And I get really into it too, when I was younger and into Days of Our Lives, I would yell at the tv "OH NO Austin, don't fall for it!! Sammie is no good for you!! You must come to Ohio and marry me instead!!" That never worked out, sadly. Currently I am obsessed with ER, although its appeal is fading what with all the good stars gone or leaving. When Carter goes I think that will be the death of ER. Also at the top of my list is Charmed. Such a cool show, those girls are too cool for words and someday I hope I can be a tv diva like them! Community Theater, here I come (well you gotta start somewhere). Anyone out there in Ohio looking for a cute little blond for their next movie or tv show, please email me! Wow wouldn't it be magical if this plea was answered? Aside from watching tv, I love to eat. And, I know what you are thinking, I do not weigh 400 pounds. Actually I am quite thin. I love to eat pizza, all the time I could eat it. And jello. Mixing jello with cool whip creates the most wonderful dessert you can imagine and I could live off of pizza and jello all my life.
When I am not watching tv or stuffing my face, you will find me either at school or at work. I am a sophomore in college where I am studying to become a second grade teacher. I started out as a business major but decided I absolutely hated economics and accounting, so there went that plan. So I have some hefty electives for Early Childhood Ed, don't you think? Anyhoo, I am planning on getting into some education classes next quarter so hopefully that will be something I like. I don't want to be working at my current job for the rest of my life, that's for sure. It's retail. Anyone who has worked retail knows what I mean. In a mall, in a clothing store. It's straighten, straighten, straighten for hours on end, or else it is insane cashiering for hours until you can no longer count change correctly and you think your brain might just have went out in one of those sacks...(if only you knew which one it was) Yeah I definitely want to be moving away from there. But I have met a lot of nice people there and I like the ones I work with :) I like my bosses too, (all 5 of them plus 3 supervisors) they are cool.
Hmm...what else? I promised to write something funny down here. I LIED!!! Hahahaha!!!! Most of my humor is physical humor, face making and what not. I should dig out the digital camera and take a picture of me making a face and then you could laugh. But I am too tired to get up. If I got some feedback it might be incentive to put something like that up. And no, fifty emails does not mean I will be naked. Dirty minds!! Well, enough of this rambling, get on to the funny lists, that's what you came here for. Go now. Enjoy.


As you can see, the garden has taken on a decidely winter feel. That's because I'm still buried here in the snow. Nothing much else has changed today except for the graphics, but still lots of great content to be found here. Enjoy your browsing and please sign the guestbook!


Hey again everyone! So glad you could stop by! I am trapped here, in my home over the weekend since the east coast has been hit by this monster snow storm! Level three snow emergency and all! So I guess I will tool around with my little website for a while this afternoon as it doesn't look like I am going to get out any time today and maybe even tomorrow!! Oh, and for a little nostalgia, check out my old webpage, the first one I ever made, by clicking here! Oh lalala there is an old picture of me on there...

Update: there is a new page in town, if you want to get some ringtones for your phone, click here. There are only two at the moment but more will be on the way once I get them integrated. Enjoy :)

Update 2: After what, years? The Forest page finally has up and working graphics. Nothing too fancy, but it looks a lot better than those little red x's that were there before. Enjoy!


Um, nothing new on the site this week, it's finals week and I have been really busy. Soon I will be on Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's Break and then maybe I will find some time to update here. In between all of my holiday crafts and baking that is.



All the side links on the forest page have been fixed, music has been added. I am thinking of making up a christmas page here in the future, along with my kitty page. I need something different though, something unique!! So many things have already been done, how will I find something unique?? Oh DISPAIR!!!!


Hmm... I have noticed that none of the graphics on the "Forest" page work, and all the links on the side panel are wrong. I will be uploading the graphics this weekend, as I have to go home and get them off my CD, so for now it's just plain green. I'll also be going through and eliminating the extra /forest/ cue in the address so the side navigation will work. Man, that has been messed up for a long time, and no one noticed. I guess that just shows me where I rate in the big scheme of things, huh? People have better things to do than come to my webpage. Well that's just FINE and DANDY with me!
On a side note: I got a kitty for my birthday, and someday maybe I will make up a little page about him you can view. His name is Tigger and he's a little rascal. Pictures coming forth in the next few weeks.


Well hello again my little ones! Here it is, November, and I have not updated this page in 5 months! What has happened to my little baby? I really truly am going, right this minute, to put a guestbook up that works. Please sign it after I went to all this work! I am going to tool around a little more on this puppy today. Being in college now means I don't have a terrible amount of free time to devote but I will do something new here soon. Keep checking back, akay? I fixed the music! Hooray for sound! If you have never been here before, do not miss the beef of this page, namely those funny lists located in the "pond" section. You will laugh, I promise. Also, there are some really cute inspirational stories found in the "forest". Look at them, send one to your mom, she might send you back some money for being such a thoughtful kid. Try it!! Oh yeah, here's a page with absolutely no point to it... yet

P.S. Only 9 more days until my birthday!!


Well I got a little bored so I decided, "hey, why not mess with the old webpage?" Maybe I'll change it all around or something. Some new graphics would be nice. And a guestbook that works would be great too. Well stay tuned you might see a big change around here soon. However, with my history of lack-luster performance and my skill at distraction, it may remain exactly as it is now! Hoorah for indecision and laziness!!


Updates! I have added two new lists to the pond section, they are pretty funny, you'll definitely want to check those out. Please sign my guestbook if you're visiting! Hope you enjoy your trip through my garden :)


Well well well it certainly has been a long time since this page was updated! I have been so incredibly busy in life since I graduated that I have had zero time to work on it. Hopefully I will be able to set aside a little time here and there to keep this place updated, I am going to start now and fix those broken links, and then we'll see what I can get into from there. Stay tuned and thank you for visiting!


Hello everybody! I have been REALLY REALLY busy lately and I haven't had any time to update my page! I'll probably have some free time coming up soon but I just got a job and so I'll be spending a lot of time there.

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