why is it always my fault?

It is, you know. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it's always my fault. You walked past me and didn't say anything, then you asked me if I was grouchy, because I didn't speak. Yesterday you didn't even say hello, and that was ok, but if I don't speak, it's because I don't like you. What's that about?

And then I came home, and someone else got mad at me. I wasn't happy enough when you told me to do something. I wasn't jumping for joy or whatever the hell else you wanted me to do when you told me to stay home 3 days in a row for you, to do you a "favor", so then you got pissed at me and haven't spoken to me for 2 days.

It's always my fault. I'm tired of it always being my fault.

YouTube has melted my brain

Here are two YouTube videos that I watch over and over and laugh and laugh, and they are both completely stupid and pointless and the second one really should be evaluated by a professional mental health care worker, but I like them. And so what is mine is yours. Enjoy!






Honorable mention: MANtage by BaratsandBerata

Mighty Life List

Here are 58 things (and counting) that I would like to accomplish with my life before it's over. It's a fairly trivial list, but I have been leading a trivial life. I wish I could say I've made a difference in someone's life, but I feel for the most part I have only brought pain and strife.

I have been making more of an effort to be a better person, someone that I would be proud of, and someone who puts others first. I don't know exactly what I'm doing here, and I feel pretty lost most of the time. All I know for sure is that I'm tired of feeling worthless and like the world would be better without me in it. I need to figure out who I am, I need to figure out what will make me happy and get out there and do it. I want to be important to someone, I want someone to remember my name. I wish I could figure out how.

I'm 25 years old, and I don't have the slightest clue what to do with my life. I don't know who I can love, I don't know who I can trust. Things are so irreversibly complicated and I almost feel that I can't keep my head above water. I want to run away and live in a shack in the mountains and just be alone. It seems no one understands me, no one can see who I am. I sound so emo bullshit right now, but I'm crying out to strangers to help me find some way to figure out who I am.

Anyway, on to my list. What do you want to do with your life?

Ø Go to Disney World again

Ø Ride in a hot air balloon

Ø Win a major award

Ø Go into space

Ø Be the change I want to see in the world

Ø Be a leader

Ø Be elected to some public office

Ø Successfully re-pot a plant FOR ONCE

Ø Ride a horse

Ø Travel overseas.

Ø Get a teaching job

Ø See the Grand Canyon

Ø Go back to Cali

Ø Walk the whole Golden Gate Bridge

Ø Picnic in the Redwoods

Ø Touch an elephant

Ø See a volcano in Hawaii

Ø Get a hole in one at golf

Ø Go to the Memorial tournament

Ø Run the whole time in a 5K.

Ø Run the Flying Pig again

Ø Go to Vegas

Ø Learn Spanish

Ø Make a difference

Ø Fall in love

Ø Get my master's degree

Ø Learn how to putt

Ø Ride a motorcycle

Ø Waterski

Ø Parasail.

Ø Ride a four wheeler on a beach

Ø Go on a cruise

Ø Go spelunking

Ø Climb a mountain

Ø Go hiking

Ø Go to an Ohio State football game

Ø Learn how to fly a plane

Ø Ride in a helicopter

Ø Find a friend I can count on

Ø Buy a new car.

Ø Get my own place

Ø Bowl another 200 game

Ø Get a golf score in the 30's OMG 7/23 I shot a 36!

Ø Start the lawnmower by myself

Ø Go on a roadtrip

Ø Be on Jeopardy!

Ø Watch a Broadway show

Ø Go to NYC at New Year

Ø Survive NYC at New Year.

Ø Run the Ecothon

Ø Fly a kite

Ø Find myself

Ø Regrow my tiny heart

Ø Volunteer

Ø Sky dive

Ø Learn to dance

Ø Build something.

Ø Travel to all 50 states

Free Hugs

I just want everyone to know that I am, and have always been, pro-hug.

Whitening Follies

So, I'm pretty into me. I'm more into me than anyone else, which is fine. Anyway, part of me being into me is my fantastically white teeth. You might think I was born with these pearly whites, and you would be right. However, I like to touch up now and then with some chemical enhancements (I'm sorry, am I still talking about teeth whiteners?)

So, I'm going to share with you, while I sit here with my Crest Whitestrip on my teeth. I don't like Crest Whitestrips.

At all.

For one, they're expensive. More than anything else, for whatever reason. And secondly, they're messy. You have to peel the little plastic strip from the little plastic other strip. And I don't have much in the way of fingernails because I enjoy them often as a tasty afternoon snack. So I end up mushing the end of the Whitestrip all to hell just trying to get it off the thing it's already on.

Then you have to mash this little thin piece of plastic onto your teeth while trying to keep your lips out of the way, which I failed to do, and now my lips are tingling, and not in a good way (I'm sorry, still talking about teeth?)

And then there's the taste. Barf. Blech. Boo and hiss and much knashing of teeth. Gross, in a word. And also, apparently it's going to take me 2 times a day and 5 days to see any results. WTF.

Aquafresh White Trays, on the other hand, are easier to put on, easier to get out of the package, taste better, work in only 3 days, and are in general, much more awesome. And your teeth can be as magnificently white as mine.

SO, the point is, when you're whitening your teeth, don't use Crest Whitestrips. Instead, use Aquafresh White Trays! They're better.


You'll feel just like this when you're done.

P.S. I've got a whole box of Crest Whitestrips, if anyone out there wants them for a discounted price of $480 (approx. half off) . Not that you would.

hey guys! guys! hey look over here! guys!

Well...I've recently figured out (albeit very slowly - I am denser than many industrial brick walls) that if I want to become an international blog sensation, and make a living off my blog and not have to go out and get a job slinging burgers and pancakes at Denny's, that I probably need to put a little more effort into the whole blog thing.

Unfortunately, I don't think a lot of people want to read about the 2 hours I lay in the pool followed by the eating of lunch and the 12 hours I spend sitting in front of the computer followed by the 10 hours spent lying in my bed in a coma. That sounds like it could possibly win an award for Most Boring Blog in the History of Blogs, but that's not really what I'm going for. Although maybe I should just stick to what I know.

Well anyway, I'm going out now and lie in the pool for an hour or two and really do some in-depth thinking about how to make this the Most Fantastic Blog in at Least the Last 15 Minutes. Any tips, leave 'em in the comments. I love me some comments.

A light at the end of the tunnel

So, some changes have been going on around here, and some more changes are to come. The biggest change lately has been that I no longer want to kill myself. I spent a good deal of time after graduating from college completely miserable with life. I went through a painful break-up, and I couldn't find a job. I subbed for a year, and then I found a permanent sub job.

At my new job, I made several friends and one person who basically turned my world upside down. I'm pretty sure I fell in love. And then...it was over. And I was still left twisting in the wind of the tornado that ripped through my whole existence. I really wanted to die all the time. I used to punch myself as hard as I could in the leg, just because I was so angry and frustrated.

Finally, I decided, something has got to change, and I made a doctor's appointment asked someone else to make a doctor's appointment for me because I'm scared of the phone. Anyway, I went to the doctor. He asked me if I cried a lot. Pretty much every day I cried. He asked me if I was "bitchy" lol. To put it lightly. After a few more questions, we decided I was pretty depressed and probably needed some medicine.

That was 2 months ago, and I'm feeling much better. My world is still pretty confusing, but I don't hit myself anymore, and I don't want to die all the time. I'm still pretty sad that things didn't go as I'd hoped with that special person, but I'm dealing. I can use the phone now and actually have made more phone calls in the past month than I have in probably the last 5 years. It's very freeing, and I wonder what took me so long to seek help.

I encourage all of you out there to stop waiting, if you're feeling depressed, like you're worthless or whatever, go talk to a doctor. You might not need medication, you might just need someone to talk to, but don't just sit around being miserable. It's not worth it.

In other news, I am officially unemployed again, for reasons I don't know and don't care to find out, so I will be subbing around again. I'm looking forward to seeing some of my old friends from student teaching and getting my face out there to other districts. I'm heartbroken that I won't get to see all the people I got to know last year, and I won't get to follow the same kids, but in reality, it wasn't the best thing for me to be doing, and it's going to be ok.

I'll also be going back to school in the fall, to get a special education degree. There's actually a shortage of those, as opposed to the teeming barrel of early education teachers around here, so I might have a better shot at a job when I'm through. So that's encouraging. Still have a few weeks until subbing starts, over a month before mine will begin again, and I'm trying to fill that time with sun, drinks, and whatever fun I can get into. Wish me luck.