So, my life is very boring. I think it's why I have nothing to write about. I don't have friends, I don't have a boyfriend, I don't have a job, I don't have kids, I don't have any meaningful hobbies, I don't volunteer, and I don't get together with my family. I don't do anything.
Many times, I'll get ready for bed and realize that I have done absolutely nothing of value all day. I didn't wash the dishes, I didn't clean my room, I din't do the laundry, I forget if I fed the cat, I didn't throw out all the trash accumulating on my desk, I didn't pick up my shoes, I didn't vacuum out the pool, I didn't look for a job, I didn't call a friend, I didn't make that appointment, I didn't go outside, I didn't update a website, I wasn't nice to my brother, I missed the eclipse, I didn't make a healthy lunch, I didn't go to the bank, I didn't return my library books.
This summer, I have not: gone on a trip, washed my car, made any friends, gotten a job, read a book, or maintained a relationship.
This summer, I have managed to: alienate most of the people I want to be friends with, treated a least two guys like dirt, felt sorry for myself, laid around, drank too much, sat in front of the computer way too much, gotten really tan, and played golf.
Soon, the summer will be over. I'm going to be going back to school in the fall since I am apparently completely incapable of getting a job with the degree I have, and I certainly hope no one asks me what I did this summer.
All I ever do is nothing. I like nothing. I like not having friends. I like not having to call anyone or not having to worry about anyone but me, because worrying about me takes up the majority of my time. On the other hand, I want friends and I want someone to love so badly that I literally have pain in my chest where my heart should be. I wish I knew how to do it. I don't know how to be a friend, no matter how hard I try, I always end up ruining it. Is there some kind of sad, pathetic kindergarten for adults where people who are socially hopeless can go and learn how to play nice with people and keep a friend around for a while? I really, really need it.